Author Stargazer25 Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 [font=arial][/font] Moi, Thank you for taking your time again here for me~ I am out of my mind right now. He called me again, started trying to turn the tables on me about my past relationships, I told him it doesn't make any difference that we needed to just end this with some class and dignity. He says he won't stop that he knows he needs help, then after that his mom called me! Uggghh she is going on about how she knows he "gets crazy" but asking me to not leave him that he just needs to get some "perspective" Moi, you know it's sad to say because I don't know you at all, but it means so much to me that you've taken your time to help me get some perspective, thank you again. Gene, his history is he is from a third world country and although he was raised here, it wasn't until he was older. He has a family history of bipolar, and sometimes I think he is that way. I've read all I can on this and tried to understand why he is like this, but I also understand that unless or until he gets help i'm fighting a losing battle. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 You tell that mother of his that she needs to get her son to a psychologist and not leave it to you to deal with him. What utter nerve!!!! Mind you, maybe she's a sufferer, herself. This family can't foist its troubles on you, for heaven's sakes!!!! Have you got parents or relatives handy who can call his family? Link to post Share on other sites
Good2Go Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Originally posted by Stargazer25 [font=arial][/font] Moi, He is *yikes* in the military. He calls me sometimes from his work station or from a local payphone. If I called his commanding officer I'm afraid I would be opening up a can of worms. That's some BS he's told you. I was in the military. ALL it takes in ONE CALL to his commanding officer and this sh*t will quit. If you really want it to. Some women say they do, but keep it going cause they love the drama. So, make up your mind what you really want. You can change the whole scenario in 5 mintutes if you are so inclined. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stargazer25 Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 [font=arial][/font] Moi, Actually it is his mom who has been diagnosed with bipolar and takes medication for this disorder, LOL jeez it feels good to laugh right about now! So telling her he needs help, I don't think would do it. I've spoken with his dad and he has told him that he needs to get on medication, but obviously he isn't listening to his dad or to me. I do have a great family, and my mom actually has spoke to him about this behaviour. Of course he was all sweet to my mom and really respectful but then told me "don't ever have your mom call me again" Moi, you know it's just maddening to me, I really feel like sometimes i'm loosing my own mind in his crazyness. Sometimes I do feel like it's up to me to make him better, but I know I can't. Then I have all of these feelings of guilt. He is so good at manipulation it just makes me mad at myself for listening to any of it. Thats the thing, is knowing he is a controlling individual and knowing he isn't good for me and then getting mad at myself for allowing him to continue on his abusive ways. I used to be the girl who said if he/she treats you bad get rid of them, wash your hands of it~ now I find myself in this place of listening to an abusive person and allowing him to do these things when I know in my mind it isn't right. It scares me Moi that i've lost myself somewhere and I don't know how to go home again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stargazer25 Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 [font=arial][/font] That's some BS he's told you. I was in the military. ALL it takes in ONE CALL to his commanding officer and this sh*t will quit. If you really want it to. Some women say they do, but keep it going cause they love the drama. So, make up your mind what you really want. You can change the whole scenario in 5 mintutes if you are so inclined. Goodtogo, I don't need this from you okay? Until you've walked in someones shoes who's been in this situation don't go on with telling me or anyone else how I must "love the drama" I have done everything for this guy. Do you really think I like being afraid, or that I like being called names, or like walking on eggshells afraid of what might set him off? This isn't a "scenario" that can or will be changed in 5 minutes, this to me is saying this is all my fault. I am afraid, and obviously you don't get that. while thats fine that you don't get it, don't come off like I'm just loving the crap out of this ****! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 It scares me Moi that i've lost myself somewhere and I don't know how to go home again. Really, Stargazer, look up your local domestic violence crisis line or shelter. They have great counsellors who can help you through this. You are like a million other women who ended up in similar situations. Somehow, these guys get right inside your brain and mess you up and you need to talk to skilled people to unmess yourself. Don't try to do it alone - there's lots of help to be had!!! I know some stuff about DV but not enough to be totally useful to you. You have to get in touch with someone who really knows the very best way to deal with this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stargazer25 Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 [font=arial][/font] Thanks Moi, just for listening~ Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 You're welcome. Be strong. You can do this. And LS (and I) are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
innocent112 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 This is definately abuse. Like someone said before being controlling, obsessive and possesive is symptoms of abuse. My dad was like that with all his wives and I and I'm out of that house. I can't deal with it. If your even having feelings that he is abusing you emotionally and you know you don't like to be treated this way you already know what to do, and that is get out of the relationship. Don't let him minipulate you or convince you into staying with him because he is never going to change until he realizes that he has a problem and wants to change himself, if not it'll just get worse. It might lead into physical abuse, because thats how my dad is. I am also a social work major and these are some of the phases people go through before they are full blown abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
mommy of 3 Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 This sounds exactly like my best friends situation. This guy would ask her about her past *sexual experiences* in detail, would call her names, called her family and friends 20-30 times in a 2 hour period if he didnt know where she went. Her mom actually has to keep her phone off the hook at all times because as soon as she puts it back on the hook, it rings, and he is on the other end. He actually left his apartment, to move into a hotel by her house, and his mom helps him! She calls my friend and even goes as far as to go to her house, and tell her that he wouldnt be that way if it wasnt for her. He got kicked out of his hotel for screaming while he was on the phone with her, and his mom brought him to my friends house and told her that she got him kicked out, and she would have to provide him a place to sleep for the night. She called the cops and he left. The next morning when she got in her car, He crawled out of her trunk through her back seat! This is in the winter! He slept in her trunk!!!! she feels responsible for his feelings, and keeps getting back with him. She has deteriorated over the past year, and is now excessivly using drugs. Any kind she can get her hands on. She is mad at me right now because i wont give her any of my painkillers that i am perscribed for my back. Her mom is trying to help her, but this girl is almost 30 with 2 kids (the children are not his), and will not help herself. Dont let this guy drag you down with him!! Link to post Share on other sites
Zuzzie Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Belive me, this boy loves you and never will stop treating you on other way, unless ... You were good with him. You haven't demant much from him ? My exboyfriend was that way... Even now he is with other gilr that is was his dreamed girl before meeting me, he still turn back to me.. not for a conversation but to abuse me...He never went out with onother girl during our relationship, I was trusting him on 100% but he wan't - for no reason. So, my advice is if you possable can find some more work or make your self busier that normal and just ignor him..don't go out with boys but work or make something that he will be proud of you!!! You will see what will happend naturaly.. Forget what he is saying for the past relationship..he just need you to be more active and to be stable in life to be strong. Don't pay him so much attention.Keep him informed for what you doing.inform him before he to question you! Good Luck. Be strong ! Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Oh man, please end it quickly and without looking back. This guy seems not worth keeping around with all the mind games. Just say it's over/go seek external help, you deserve someone great. The things he says to you make my jaw drop. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 very scary stuff, and regretably, not uncommon. there are excellent counselling and help services for exactly this situation. the first step to getting out is Pick Up The Phone And Speed Dial. Link to post Share on other sites
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