rogerwaters Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 (edited) Hi everyone, Recently, I've been feeling quite low. I come from a developing country and am here in the US for further studies. I recently found out that a girl whom I had a long time crush on doesn't feel the same way as I do. I've always had problems going on in my family since I was a child. My mother and my sisters couldn't get along. My father was and is emotionally distant to all of us. I've never heard an ''I love you'' from any of my family members. I know that they care for me but, I've never seen an ounce of empathy from my family when I needed some support. My father couldn't care less about others and my mom would always try to portray our family to be very happy. She would seek out appreciation from people outside the family and value their opinion over someone's from the family. My mother and my sisters are passive-aggressive and I would always get caught up in triangulation whenever there was a family problem. Honestly speaking, if there is any problem among my family, no one will speak up and everyone will start being passive-aggressive. Academically speaking, I was the brightest in my family and continue to do well, yet somehow, for whatever I've accomplished, I never get a "I'm proud of you". I was expected to behave as a responsible and mature adult since I was the age of 13 when my elder sister got married. I was always told to put others' feelings before my feelings and as a result I became non-assertive. I don't feel confident anymore. I know I am a good person and I have many good qualities. I, perhaps, am more mature than any of my peers. Yet, I seem to have gotten stuck in this loop where in I tend to introspect and wonder why am I feeling so low. I feel like I don't want to live anymore, but I know, that I would never do such a thing to harm me, at least not for my family. I am of a thin build and I've started getting bald and the hair that are left are turning grey. I feel like I look ugly. I feel low in all points, my academics, personal life and relationships. Some of my friends never bother to call me despite the fact that we were best friends in school. It is always me who has to initiate contact. I know I am needy and come off as desperate sometimes, but I am trying to change. I know that time is a great healer and this soon shall pass, but honestly, I've learnt from my past mistakes and made myself a better person and yet I feel unappreciated. How can I stop thinking about these things and try and get a positive outlook in life? I am waiting for an academic achievement, which I hope, will lift me up and push me in the right direction. I feel like my family has failed me more than I've failed myself. Please share your two cents of advice if you can. Edited May 31, 2012 by rogerwaters
WonderKid Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 You don't need an academic achievement. You need a vacation. Just you by yourself. Have some IDGAF Days (I Don't Give A ****) days and you might not get many more grey hairs. Start to focus on you. Take it day by day. I feel a bit what you going through, but taking things slow, and thinking about yourself sometimes is not a bad thing.
aiyam Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I can feel for you. We have some similarities in situation. Does it feel like, it's never enough? Maybe you are just a bit stressed now, and lonely. Go out, do the things you enjoy most. Pray, get it all out on your chest. Cry, if you need to. Then, after, breathe. Live 1
Author rogerwaters Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Thank you for your help, wonderkid and aiyam. I've tried doing all of what you've mentioned - taking a break, working on myself, crying, not giving a ***k about anything else and so on. It is true that I'm a bit stressed right now. I've never been in such a situation before and I never imagined I'd be bogged down by such thoughts. I am a very rational and logical person and emotionally sensitive too. Perhaps this time, my abilities to deal with emotions got overwhelmed. I am worried that if one bad incident can lead me to these thoughts, how am I going to handle life in the future? Coz there will be struggles and problems even bigger than this. I can only pray to God and get better.
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