Tengu Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hello, My name is Tim and this is my first post here. I'm an honest, good looking, caring 29 year old and my now ex gf Monica just turned 24. I was her 2nd boyfriend and we lived together for a little over 2.5 years. We both grew up in the same small town and we were always very close and everything (although sometimes rocky) seemed overall great. Last month though, out of the blue (toward the end of April) my now ex gf Monica of 3 years decided that she wanted a break to work on herself as a better person for us, and to find the person she always wanted to be. At first I was anxious because I read that almost 90% of breaks turn into break up's. Her girl friend seemed to instigate this process a lot because she herself just got out of a long relationship and turned into more of a "party girl". Back in March I noticed warning signs that our relationship was heading down hill. But I didn't know what to do. Were arguing more often and she said she didn't think she was very happy anymore. I felt like it was the classic "I love you but am not sure I'm in love with you anymore" And it stuck me as a curious coincidence she would always act this way right after her and her girl friend would hang out. She has always been insecure, the follower type, and had low self esteem issues since childhood. Her friend is quite the opposite, very pushy strong willed and even abusive. Early on, I recognized this behavior in her and helped her grow a lot as an independent person. Using my professional contacts to get her a great well paying job last year, bought her a nice phone, a car, cooked for her, we always did fun things, I was always there if she needed anything, our love life was very strong and passionate, I was there for her during her surgery holding her hand. (which she was diagnosed with endometriosis so we couldn't be as intimate as we once were) I would go out of my way to ask her how her every day how her day was and tell her she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I thought I was being a best friend and good bf to her. We shared so many great and meaning full experiences I can't count. Although I thought I was a good bf I still had my flaws. She still seemed to become more and more distant since March...She's wasn't the social butterfly she was interested in becoming and she told me that it was also hard and stressful for her seeing me in a job slump. (I've been out of work since January) It was hard on both of us but I respected her decision and gave her space. She moved out at the end of April in with her parents who were also influencing her by constantly pointing out negatives in our relationship as her friend was doing. We didn't have a bad relationship by any means, the positives outweighed the negatives. Although we both made some mistakes it wasn't anything too serious and we were both very happy for a long time. But her level of stress from work, me, and the nagging friend to want a "party playmate" seemed to take its toll... She developed feelings of anxiety over the whole thing, and her friend and family prompted her decision to leave. At first, we were both really sad and talked a lot but it seemed to become more and more infrequent. I understood her wanting space so I was taking the time to work on myself to become a better man. I secured two small jobs and a super lucrative management job offer that I'm in the 3rd interview process of now. Mediating everyday, working out, just trying to find balance so I could be a better person for myself and her. As the first week since our break passed, I noticed she wasn't returning my phone calls as often or my texts. And began lying to me, her parents and her friends. I was/am continuing to really work hard to show her that I really love her and show her through my actions that we have a great flow and positive connection but as of now I feel it could be in vain.... Her friend started taking her to the city about 2 weeks ago. Almost every night to this guy's house so they could smoke weed and I'm sure other harder drugs, listen to agiprop music and have deep discussions about the "universe".. Although she was in a fragile state (still is) from our relationship and hiding from her true feelings, he saw that and prayed on her vulnerabilities and she was too naive and weak willed to say no... And went for him. He played his game and she fell for it... Hook line and sinker. They went from 0-60 in a few days, and as of right now she seems obsessed with him. Even though he is basically a total fake, loser, broke, (doesn't even own his own computer and free loads off his friend whom he's staying with at his house) and not very good looking at all..:/ She totally seemed to forget about me. Even though she acted like there was hope between us and told me there was, the last time we talked in person. Days before the break up May 13th. I even asked her to come to dinner with me and had this whole lovely day planned 2 to days before her birth day May 21st and she said she would love that. She didn't tell me anything, but I started to suspect something was going on.. Every time I asked her if she was interested in someone she would say no. We made a promise to each other that we would not date or fool around with anyone while on the break. This went on until 10 days ago when I found out he would drive from the city to pick her up and they would go for frequent drives, He would play his mind games through facebook and text messages. The last straw was 10 days ago when I found out she was sleeping over his house... The day before her birth day. I tried to call all that night and was panicking to the point I made myself really sick, but she never answered. I tried to call and text the next day but she kept ignoring me.. so I wrote her a text message breaking up for good to which she never replied. I defriended her off of facebook .. I haven't had any contact with her since May 20th. The thing is I really love her with all my heart. And this is overwhelmingly devastating. And although it may sound crazy, I want her back. Not because I need her but because I just want her in my life. I know what we had was real. And it feels like she's just diving in o this rebound hiding from her real feelings.... We never did any drugs, but now she's seemed to want to experiment with this guy who obviously has no regard for her future or even her life! I know that our OLD relationship is dead and its not coming back.. But I've been working so hard on myself I feel I'm a different person now.. Kindling a new relationship is my goal and I feel that things will be completely different in a better way because I've had enough time to reflect on the past mistakes, but do I even have a chance ??? I can forgive her. I'm just afraid to reach out right now. She stonewalled me and even left all her stuff here and hasn't even made any effort to get her things back.. What can I do to reconcile things...? Will she contact me eventually...? Should I just let this phase run its course...? Should I contact her...? I know I have changed for the better, and I don't want anyone else. I was doing what i needed to and she just pulled the plug all the sudden and regressed into this rebound full speed. From your experience's, is there any hope left ??? Thank you for taking the time to listen. Best, Tim
Author Tengu Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) **crickets** ?? Can any one please lend me some advice ?? Edited May 30, 2012 by Tengu
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