c0nfused88 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Forgive me if this has been asked before-- I couldn't locate anything. I'm curious to hear your stories.. In terms of meeting people from OLD, how was your experience in terms of talking prior to meeting? I know some people like to talk a lot via e-mail/phone/messenger before meeting while others want to cut to the chase right away to avoid forming false intimacy. Have you ever spent several hours talking to someone online and on the phone and had great chemistry-- only to meet them in person and for there to be no chemistry? Or rather do you find that it typically carries over? I am new to OLD-- only met one guy thus far and I was for meeting right away to avoid the false intimacy. We had a few dates but things didn't click overall. We're good on paper together but the chemistry wasn't there. I'm wondering if with talking more prior to meeting I might have realized this (we hadn't even talked on the phone before we met). I am now going to meet another person soon and we have talked several hours on the phone and online and have fantastic chemistry. I want to put off meeting him because I will be going out of town for a few weeks but worried I might keep talking to him and build more hope or false intimacy only for both or either of us to then be let down upon meeting.... Thoughts?
Author c0nfused88 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 anyone have any opinions? I'm curious if pushing the meet up is good or not..
pteromom Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I think talking a lot before meeting is beneficial. It's not about "false intimacy" - it's about taking the time to gauge compatibility before physical chemistry gets in the way. So you can talk to him and get an idea if what he is looking for aligns with what you are looking for, what his goals and values are, what things are important in his life and how that would fit with your life, etc. I don't believe this is "false intimacy". Getting to know someone is REAL intimacy. Assuming of course that the other person is being honest in his communications, but that's a risk whether you are talking to them online or in person. And yes, you risk building a friendship with this person then discovering you are not attracted to him at all in real life. But I think that's better than being swept away by chemistry then trying to disentangle yourself when you realize your lives are incompatible.
sigurpol Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Like most people will tell you, it's a mixed bag. Some people are totally different online vs in-person, as you've probably guessed. I have a friend who is a total riot/good-time/smart dude when we're out, but whenever I talk to him through an email/text/messaging he sounds like a sarcastic, boring, a******. That's an extreme example though. The past few dates I've been on through OLD, about two of them really clicked with me. This month, I've been out with about six different people. They're nice and I did enjoy myself, but I wasn't interested in round two. Rarely have I talked on the phone with anyone before meeting them and I don't like exchanging emails for weeks before meeting the person. At that point, there isn't much to talk about on that date and I find myself asking questions I've already asked. After about a handful of messages, I suggest we get drinks/dinner.
FitChick Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I think talking a lot before meeting is beneficial. It's not about "false intimacy" - it's about taking the time to gauge compatibility before physical chemistry gets in the way. So you can talk to him and get an idea if what he is looking for aligns with what you are looking for, what his goals and values are, what things are important in his life and how that would fit with your life, etc. And yes, you risk building a friendship with this person then discovering you are not attracted to him at all in real life. But I think that's better than being swept away by chemistry then trying to disentangle yourself when you realize your lives are incompatible. I agree with most of this but I have been able to maintain some friendships with a few men.
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