over sensitive boyfriend

[Samsunnight87]

I have been dating a guy for almost a year. I love him. We have fun, romance, everything. He's very sweet. For me I think he may be to sensitive or else I am crazy.

We start out very happy. He says he wants to know everything about me so I tell him. He asks about relationships I have been in and I tell him. Most of them ended badly with me straying and trying to get away from the guys I was dating which I eventually pulled off. Keep in mind the relationships had occurred when I was in my teens and who knows how the hell they feel at that age. But anyway my point being all of this had happened before I even met the guy I am with now. As in tell me all about your past and I won't judge you.....well I am being judged. If I look at a wall wrong I am in trouble.

I will admit I may be a bit flirty by nature. I like people. I would not stray from this guy because I actually love him to death. But its like Im losing all my friends because he thinks I will cheat on him with anything or anyone and has my past from when I was 16 to back him up.

He's one of the types who constantly thinks somethings wrong when there really isn't. If you don't text him for a few minutes,somethings wrong. If I'm not smiling the whole day somethings wrong. And then he will come up with some insane idea like I am trying to quit the relationship.

It seems like everything I do hurts his feelings. I don't feel like I should change everything about me. He seems to be the only person I know who makes me out like I am some kind of monster. My world just sucks right now because I really love this idiot and would never cheat on him because I'm happy as a bug with him but this whole fighting with me more then being happy together is draining me to the point where I almost just can't care anymore.

I know guys like this need constant reasurence that they are loved and I do just this any chance that I get cause I like him to know. But if I am reading a book he takes it as I do not want to talk to him.... stuff like that.

Any advice? I would love to hear from anyone.

[TripLine]

When a girl ask you how she looks, there is only one answer.

When a girl tells a guy about her past, her cheating ways can "never" be the answer.

It is a discomforting fact, but that is how the mind works. I would feel the same way as him, with the "do it once, can do it again" mentality.

[SJC2008]

How old are you all?

 

Tell him that his insecurity is pushing you away. Why would he need so much reassurance a year in? Sounds pretty needy.

[Almond_Joy]

I have been dating a guy for almost a year. I love him. We have fun, romance, everything. He's very sweet. For me I think he may be to sensitive or else I am crazy.

We start out very happy. He says he wants to know everything about me so I tell him. He asks about relationships I have been in and I tell him. Most of them ended badly with me straying and trying to get away from the guys I was dating which I eventually pulled off. Keep in mind the relationships had occurred when I was in my teens and who knows how the hell they feel at that age. But anyway my point being all of this had happened before I even met the guy I am with now. As in tell me all about your past and I won't judge you.....well I am being judged. If I look at a wall wrong I am in trouble.

I will admit I may be a bit flirty by nature. I like people. I would not stray from this guy because I actually love him to death. But its like Im losing all my friends because he thinks I will cheat on him with anything or anyone and has my past from when I was 16 to back him up.

He's one of the types who constantly thinks somethings wrong when there really isn't. If you don't text him for a few minutes,somethings wrong. If I'm not smiling the whole day somethings wrong. And then he will come up with some insane idea like I am trying to quit the relationship.

It seems like everything I do hurts his feelings. I don't feel like I should change everything about me. He seems to be the only person I know who makes me out like I am some kind of monster. My world just sucks right now because I really love this idiot and would never cheat on him because I'm happy as a bug with him but this whole fighting with me more then being happy together is draining me to the point where I almost just can't care anymore.

I know guys like this need constant reasurence that they are loved and I do just this any chance that I get cause I like him to know. But if I am reading a book he takes it as I do not want to talk to him.... stuff like that.

Any advice? I would love to hear from anyone.

 

 

There's not really anything you can do at this point.

 

He asked for the whole truth, no holds barred. If he can't handle it that's something he has to work out/on/ I don't think anything you say will alleviate the problem.

 

If anything it'll just feed into his need for validation and reassurance.

 

Call him on the insecurity, tell him it's ruining the relationship. Getting over your past is his responsibility, and deciding whether or not you'll stay to see if that'll happen is yours.

 

Good luck.

[Ninjainpajamas]

This guy isn't over sensitive, he's obsessive.

 

It's always funny to me how some women come across this kind of guy and think that everything is wonderful and great because this guy decides to give you everything you think you want and makes you the center of his universe...unfortunately I don't take it as they "love" you, I take it more as they are so insecure, jealous and lack so much confidence that the thought of even losing you is overwhelming! It's like this guy probably has nightmares of you leaving the bed at night I'm surprised he doesn't chain you to him.

 

I never get women or anyone who would be with someone like this, how can you even validate this guys feelings for you or his for you when you're with someone who basically is a headcase and he's feeding into your needs and desires from a man while he gets to serve his...almost mental illness like syndrome. How do you even know what you have when this guy is so crazy about you that's It's not even normal and had he been normal he might not have acted like this at all If he wasn't super obsessive.

 

Anyway, It's just mind-boggling to me the things people never think about...but If you want to continue this relationship you need to realize a lot of his issues have nothing to do with you and your actions, they're all in his little world and his head...there's nothing you can do to reassure him or make him feel better because you're thinking rationally and this guy is essentially out of his mind and not even really thinking more than reacting because he's influenced by an overwhelming insecurity of you not being interested in him every second of his life.

 

You might think this is all good and great, cute and endearing but eventually that's going to wear off a little bit as he continues to constrict you like a snake and wear you like underwear...you're life is going to change, your relationships far before this dummy are going to break and separate all in the name of "love"? I mean is that what love is to you? An obsessive person making you feel like you're loved when he's really just crazy in the head? who can separate what is love and what is just obsession? can you? probably not, in fact you probably saw this coming miles away and just let it go right? maybe he would change? maybe he would trust you more? yeah right.

 

To me these kinds of guys aren't "normal" guys so you don't uphold and judge them accordingly to regular standards because this guys mind is in a whole other obsessive dimension...imagine if you needed to break up with this guy for some reason, can you imagine what he might do?

 

This guy sounds waaaaay out of the norm of needing reassurance, this guy needs a camera installed on your purse so he can watch everything you'd do, and I'm sure he'd review all the footage just to make sure no guys were talking to you and you weren't talking to any. This guy sounds like a psycho to me, just about...at least in terms of possessiveness....I don't think he sees you as another human being/entity, he sees you as his property.

 

And then you actually tell this guy your past? you never tell a man your past, you keep it brief and vague...why do you think he wanted to know? not for any good reason trust me.

 

Maybe you should have a plastic surgery procedure that permanently attaches your faces to each other so that he knows you're always thinking of him...either that or send this guy to a therapist because there's no regular advice that's going to change anything with this guy.

[aiyam]

Hmmm, he is kinda like my ex boyfriend - which is now my husband

 

He may be like that not because of you're past experience but rather his. He may had dealt with that kind of situation before?

 

You are right, constant reassurance will help but you have to talk it out to him that you love him, and he needs to trust you for this relationship to work. Let him know that he is not your world, but he is a part of it.

[RR1]

I do understand your concerns but there are two sides to every story. Are you sure that you are not doing anything to make him sensitive? Let me tell you about a situation I was in recently.

 

 

My gf rang me one evening (Wednesday I think) and asked me to ring her back in 30 minutes, when I rang back 30 minutes later she asked me to ring back again in ten minutes because she was with someone, I rang back a while later and she was still with someone and she asked me to ring back again, she asked me to do this several times more. She was drunk and with another bloke, it turned out that she didn’t ever want to speak to me that night, she just wanted me to ring up so she could show me what a good time she was having with another bloke. She explained it the next day by saying she was drunk and it was her friend who had just come round for the evening and that he was gay so there was nothing to worry about. I let it go because I believed her but I was still hurt that she played with me like that. She had got that drunk that she could not go to work that day. I let it go but it hurt.

 

I went round her house on Friday evening because I needed to speak with her but she said I couldn’t stay because she was going out with her gay friend that night. I left but when I went round again on Saturday afternoon it was obvious that she had not only been out with her “friend” but it looked like she had spent the entire night out with him, she was still wearing the going out dress she went out in Friday night, this was 4pm Saturday afternoon! Again this upset because It really looked like she had been out with him all night. I had texted her earlier in the week to asked if she wanted to go out one evening but she had not even replied and now it seemed like she had been able to spend two nights with this bloke. It really was so upsetting.

 

 

The thing was I didn’t really believe that anything was going on, I did truly believe that he was her gay friend and there was nothing going on. The point is though I know plenty of men who would not tolerate that sort of behavior and would be out of there like a shot. I admit I got really upset but she just claimed I was being over sensitive. I got upset because the truth be told I absolutely love this girl to bits and would do absolutely anything for her, I truly believe she would never cheat on me but she just couldn’t understand why such behavior was upsetting to me. She had two nights spare with this guy and was frequently telling me how much time she spent with him yet when I wanted to go out I wasn’t worthy of a reply even.

 

 

So yes I can understand your reticence but you have to also ask yourself if you are doing anything to make him suspicious. According to my gf I was just oversensitive but I know a lot of guys that would be upset with that sort of treatment. Whenever someone is upset with me I always ask myself if I’ve done anything to warrant their displeasure, I look at myself first rather than just blame the other person. In my case I got upset because I love the girl to bits, I don’t want to spoil her social life but I just wonder if I did that sort of thing would it be acceptable. I began to question things like whether this friend was really gay and was she seeing someone else. In the end I knew in my heart she wasn’t but I got upset because I began to question things. A relationship is give and take. Ask yourself some questions as well and then ask your bf as well and see if anything is bothering him.

 

 

Hope that helps.

[bamp78]

That's not overly sensitive that's clingy, desperate, and needy. Project this behavior over the next 5-10 years and ask yourself how you would feel then? I'm surprised you lasted this long and feel like you "love" him. Inquiring about one's past is natural in a relationship but either be prepared for the worst or just admit you aren't ready to date. Do yourself and him a favor by checking out now so he has the chance to mature emotionally and you will find love again. He is clearly not ready for that sort of attachment, and if you are than you owe it to yourself to have someone in your life that is on your level. A year wasted could be a lifetime gained...