Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Irin, I'm wondering if you've ever been in a long term relationship? I think it's a lot easier for people to say they are going to wait until marriage when they haven't actually be in a long term relationship with somebody that they love yet. Unless you're one of those annoying "everything but" people who think they can have oral, manual, even anal sex and still call themselves virgins.. :rolleyes: no i haven't been in along term relationship. mostly because guys my age are mostly interested hook-ups, one night stands, most dont even want girlfriend, they want go out every weekend get drunk and pickup a girl. i have been very hurt by really liking guys and then have them pressure me. so i just stay away. also ive stated earlier in the thread if you read through, that i dont do any kinds of sexual acts. just kissing.
louise_23 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 There is the fact that once you marry the guy, you could both turn out to be completely sexually incompatible with each other, he may totally suck at sex or hardly have any kind of a sex drive. I think most people would rather avoid that, and marry someone who they are sexually compatible with. And the only way to do this, is to have sex before marriage. I guess this doesn't matter to you though if sex in a realtionship isn't really important to you at all. how would you know if someone 'totally sucks at sex' if you have no frame of reference? just sayin.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 how would you know if someone 'totally sucks at sex' if you have no frame of reference? just sayin. You may just find it boring, unsatisfying, or unfullfilling, even if you've never had sex before. 1
kaylan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) It cracks me up with this sexually compatible message. Most people live together now days before they get married and I'm sure there having sex. If having sex before marriage is such an indicator of sexual compatibility, why is the divorce rate still so high? By most people's logic couples should know if they are compatible by the time their married, sexually and emotionally, but that still doesn't make marriage any more viable. Having sex early and often does not make you more wise and all knowing in the relationship arena! Sexual compatibility is but one of many things that can make or break a relationship. I dont think it takes a Nobel Prize winner to come to that conclusion. Obviously people in this thread arent saying sex is the only thing that matters.no i haven't been in along term relationship. mostly because guys my age are mostly interested hook-ups, one night stands, most dont even want girlfriend, they want go out every weekend get drunk and pickup a girl. i have been very hurt by really liking guys and then have them pressure me. so i just stay away. also ive stated earlier in the thread if you read through, that i dont do any kinds of sexual acts. just kissing. Where are you from? I can assure you plenty of young men want a nice girl to date. Sure a lot of young guys want to fool around, but not every young guy. I wasnt ever interested in only fooling around until after getting my heart broken a couple of times. Its a typical pattern for me. Fell in love at 18, thought Id marry her. Ending up breaking up, and then hooked up and enjoyed single life for a few years. Same thing happened at 22, and now Im 25 and about due to meet the next girl who knocks my socks off. We'll see what happens. All in all, I think you need to get some relationship experience under your belt while you are young so you can work at the kinks. Its best to do some learning and growing before you end up marrying in my opinion. Edited May 29, 2012 by kaylan 1
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Where are you from? I can assure you plenty of young men want a nice girl to date. Sure a lot of young guys want to fool around, but not every young guy. I wasnt ever interested in only fooling around until after getting my heart broken a couple of times. Its a typical pattern for me. Fell in love at 18, thought Id marry her. Ending up breaking up, and then hooked up and enjoyed single life for a few years. Same thing happened at 22, and now Im 25 and about due to meet the next girl who knocks my socks off. We'll see what happens. All in all, I think you need to get some relationship experience under your belt while you are young so you can work at the kinks. Its best to do some learning and growing before you end up marrying in my opinion. i live in the UK right now. im in a very large university town, so even the few guys that i have come across who where interested in relationships, they were usually put of by my no sex rule. they seem to think they can trick me into it. someone even tried to get me drunk to have sex. and the harder they tried the more i became resistant. im in no hurry to get married. not until 25 and over. but this just something that means alot to me and im willing to stand by despite the difficulties.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 no i haven't been in along term relationship. mostly because guys my age are mostly interested hook-ups, one night stands, most dont even want girlfriend, they want go out every weekend get drunk and pickup a girl. i have been very hurt by really liking guys and then have them pressure me. so i just stay away. also ive stated earlier in the thread if you read through, that i dont do any kinds of sexual acts. just kissing. Looks to me like you have no one here at LS that shares your celibacy choice. Might want to find a virgin forum that shares your view.
d'Arthez Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 i live in the UK right now. im in a very large university town, so even the few guys that i have come across who where interested in relationships, they were usually put of by my no sex rule. they seem to think they can trick me into it. someone even tried to get me drunk to have sex. and the harder they tried the more i became resistant. When I was your age I was not even pursuing a relationship. That was very odd for the town I studied in.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Looks to me like you have no one here at LS that shares your celibacy choice. Might want to find a virgin forum that shares your view. The whole point of the thread was to find out if other people on here share her views, her choice is her choice and shuold be respected. 1
Scottdmw Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 OP, I share your view and I think you should stick to your guns if that's what you want to do. I personally know a significant number of people in my town (in the US) that also follow this view. My experience is that when this topic comes up people can become somewhat aggressive in defending permissive sex, so don’t let it get you down. People talk endlessly about sexual compatibility, but it's obvious that out of the many, many couples who get divorced they did not generally wait for marriage and presumably thought they were compatible. The “test drive” theory does not have evidence behind it, is a self-justification that people use as an excuse for why having sex before marriage is good. If test driving worked so well, why is it that the more of it we have the higher the divorce rate goes? Scott 2
MaxNoob Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) Good for you OP! That's really cool. It's not just her church telling her that. It's all over in the bible, which if you're a Christian, is God's Word. Go to bible gateway and type in "fornication" and read for yourself Yeah, the bible says: A priest's daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9) Now, if I put a gun to someone's head and ordered them to sign a contract, it would be declared null and void in a court of law. You can't use coercion to get someone to agree to something. But, when kids are coerced into believing the bible (it says non believers are to be put to death), we're supposed to say "well that's their belief, we must respect their beliefs." No, a belief shouldn't automatically be respected, particularly if it was caused by fear and brainwashing at a young age. Edited May 29, 2012 by MaxNoob
Woggle Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 It wouldn't be my thing but stick to your guns. I love how many people on here always talk about being open minded and non judgmental but then act like your views are so weird and bizarre. 3
El Brujo Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 anyone else on loveshack, who also doesnt believe in sex before marriage? these days i feel like im the only one at my age I wouldn't even want sex if I was married.
manup Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I used to. And then I had sex and realised that there's no way I'm going to wait until I marry someone to find out that we're sexually incompatible. Something like that could potentially ruin my marriage. Do you realize how illogical this statement is?
manup Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Yeah, the bible says: A priest's daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9) Now, if I put a gun to someone's head and ordered them to sign a contract, it would be declared null and void in a court of law. You can't use coercion to get someone to agree to something. But, when kids are coerced into believing the bible (it says non believers are to be put to death), we're supposed to say "well that's their belief, we must respect their beliefs." No, a belief shouldn't automatically be respected, particularly if it was caused by fear and brainwashing at a young age. All views are influenced by others, literally everything you think is programmed into your brain.
Imported Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) Originally Posted by january2011 I used to. And then I had sex and realised that there's no way I'm going to wait until I marry someone to find out that we're sexually incompatible. Something like that could potentially ruin my marriage. Do you realize how illogical this statement is? You fall in love with someone enough to get married. Have bad sex and suddenly you're not in love anymore. What if you married someone and the sex is great, but then they get injured in a way that makes it difficult to have sex....would that mean you no longer love them? Is caring deeply enough in someone else that you'd marry them really that fickle for some of you? All views are influenced by others, literally everything you think is programmed into your brain. No way man, that guy is a total original thinker. Nevermind his opinion is the one that many people now follow. He came to that idea all on his own, no way was he influeanced. Edited May 30, 2012 by Imported
shorty7 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 okay, i made this thread, because at uni the topic of sex came up. i was asked my opinion, i said i didnt know because i was a virgin, then everyone laughed thought i was joking. they said but your not ugly. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. i have never said anything about them. yet they turned around and judged me for my choice. so i came on loveshack to find people who are going through the same thing as me. so i didnt came here for a fight or to looked down on people, if anything ive been looked down upon. but it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im. Someone else said the same thing of what I'm about to say: your classmates have the mentalities of 3rd graders and if you want to wait until marriage, that is ultimately your choice. If you do meet someone important enough to consider marriage though and get into that first LTR, please keep some perspective in mind. It is a lot more difficult for two virgins together to realize if they're sexually compatible or not. What you'll need in the partnership would be very limited if your expectations are too high.
Necris Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I'm a guy and I too believe in no sex before marriage. Besides religious reasons and while I am a virgin I don't think sex is that important while likely highly pleasurable and possibly addicting it probably gets in the way making things extremely complicated so why complicate a relationship and twist love with sex, and if you don't love your partner enough to marry them why have sex with them? I also don't get the whole "sexual compatibility" thing what does that exactly mean? While this is going to sound crude as long as she has a vagina and has always had one and there are no physical or severe mental issues preventing sex I think we are compatible. Everything else can be worked with.
oaks Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I also don't get the whole "sexual compatibility" thing what does that exactly mean? It means... well, some people are bad in bed, or the combination of you and the other person in bed results in bad sex, or they want sex at a different frequency to you, or they don't like the positions you like, or the positions you like hurt them, or they just don't like having sex. And many other things. Of course, if you save yourself until you are married you may never know that you're having bad sex because it'll be the best you've ever had, so maybe it's an okay strategy if you're happy with it.
Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) I dont know many guys that would wait until marriage. Only religious guys. I don't see how it would work. I mean it worked 50+ years ago as most people got married after high school/ by mid 20s. Now most people are marrying a decade later, how would anyone wait that long? Even if you do marry there's still a 50% divorce rate. I'd be interested how you would even find a guy that shares The same views. Edited May 30, 2012 by Sugarkane iPhone error
denise_xo Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 It means... well, some people are bad in bed, or the combination of you and the other person in bed results in bad sex, or they want sex at a different frequency to you, or they don't like the positions you like, or the positions you like hurt them, or they just don't like having sex. And many other things. Of course, if you save yourself until you are married you may never know that you're having bad sex because it'll be the best you've ever had, so maybe it's an okay strategy if you're happy with it. The thing is, though, I think you would know. You would notice pretty quickly if things weren't smooth in that area, even if you don't have prior experience to compare with.
Author irin Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 females put virgins in the lowest league not me, i would very much appreciate if the guy was also a virgin, but it seems highly unlikely given everyones views.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 not me, i would very much appreciate if the guy was also a virgin, but it seems highly unlikely given everyones views. The whole point of the thread was to find out if other people on here share her views, her choice is her choice and shuold be respected. Yeah and unless you didnt read the whole thread, even she sees that she is alone in her views here, which was the point, which is why I suggested she seek out someplace with people more like her.
ASG Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 not me, i would very much appreciate if the guy was also a virgin, but it seems highly unlikely given everyones views. While I don't believe in no sex before marriage, I think it is your choice. You mentioned, though, that it is because the thought of having multiple sexual partners doesn't appeal to you... My question is, what if you marry someone and then the marriage doesn't work for whatever reason? Will you not have sex ever again, so that you don't have multiple partners?? *That* is what I don't understand.
Author irin Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 While I don't believe in no sex before marriage, I think it is your choice. You mentioned, though, that it is because the thought of having multiple sexual partners doesn't appeal to you... My question is, what if you marry someone and then the marriage doesn't work for whatever reason? Will you not have sex ever again, so that you don't have multiple partners?? *That* is what I don't understand. yes that is the risk. its not something i have control over. so ill just try to minimize as much as i can. hopefully i wouldn't have to.
Radu Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 i live in the UK right now. im in a very large university town, so even the few guys that i have come across who where interested in relationships, they were usually put of by my no sex rule. they seem to think they can trick me into it. someone even tried to get me drunk to have sex. and the harder they tried the more i became resistant. im in no hurry to get married. not until 25 and over. but this just something that means alot to me and im willing to stand by despite the difficulties. I hope that experience hasn't closed you off to others, what he did was close to attempted rape. On a personal level i would think you have a big physical or mental block, and i would like to know why that is so.
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