anyone here who believe in 'no sex before marriage'?

[irin]

anyone else on loveshack, who also doesnt believe in sex before marriage?

 

these days i feel like im the only one at my age

[Emilia]

anyone else on loveshack, who also doesnt believe in sex before marriage?

 

these days i feel like im the only one at my age

 

** Grabs popcorn takes a seat **

[louise_23]

you know, i saw something the other day in which someone phrased it as 'staying faithful to one person even before you've met them.'

 

i thought that was cool. id probably adhere to the belief now actually. itd be 8yrs too late though. ahh well. to each their own though definitely.

[irc333]

Thing is, a lot people are not wanting even marriage, so unless you remain completely celibate....might have to meet some common ground there. I dunno.

 

 

anyone else on loveshack, who also doesnt believe in sex before marriage?

 

these days i feel like im the only one at my age

[irin]

'staying faithful to one person even before you've met them.'

:love:

yes this is big part of why i have this principal.

[MrDDuck]

:love:

yes this is big part of why i have this principal.

 

Sexual compatibility is important for a marriage to even succeed in the first place.

 

So, what if you have sex with your man for the first time and he divorces you after a couple of years?

 

It's a principal that doesn't make any sense at all. You are wasting time by believing in something irrational.

[Emilia]

:love:

yes this is big part of why i have this principal.

 

How old are you OP?

[january2011]

I used to. And then I had sex and realised that there's no way I'm going to wait until I marry someone to find out that we're sexually incompatible. Something like that could potentially ruin my marriage.

[irc333]

Okay, be honest, how many people that you know of who have remained celebate until marraige, actually had their marraige ruined based on sexual incompatiblity alone??

 

OR did they divorce for reasons other than that?

 

I was just wondering, because for those who have waited, would have a different mindset, and perhaps be able to work their away around their sexual incompatiblities or work ON it?

 

I'm sure there'd be challenges, just like with anything in a marraige, but I'm finding it hard to believe their first experiences on their Honeymoon would make it for the worst possible Honeymoon ever??

 

 

I used to. And then I had sex and realised that there's no way I'm going to wait until I marry someone to find out that we're sexually incompatible. Something like that could potentially ruin my marriage.

[Ross MwcFan]

There is the fact that once you marry the guy, you could both turn out to be completely sexually incompatible with each other, he may totally suck at sex or hardly have any kind of a sex drive.

 

I think most people would rather avoid that, and marry someone who they are sexually compatible with. And the only way to do this, is to have sex before marriage.

 

I guess this doesn't matter to you though if sex in a realtionship isn't really important to you at all.

[irin]

How old are you OP?

 

21,

 

Sexual compatibility is important for a marriage to even succeed in the first place.

 

So, what if you have sex with your man for the first time and he divorces you after a couple of years?

 

It's a principal that doesn't make any sense at all. You are wasting time by believing in something irrational.

 

also please dont attack my believes, i dont think its irrational, i simply only want to share my body with a man that i love enough to marry.

 

also what is sexual compatibility? liking the same things? that can be discussed before hand. if he expects me to do something that i wont be willing to ever do and vise-virsa, then obviously theres no point in getting married.

 

besides im very open to trying different sexual acts, and more than happy to do things to please someone. as long as its not extreme.

[Alexanda]

Remaining celibate before getting married is really hard, but I as a Christian I understand why God wants people to wait until they get married to have sex. I wish I would have waited.

[Emilia]

also what is sexual compatibility? liking the same things? that can be discussed before hand. if he expects me to do something that i wont be willing to ever do and vise-virsa, then obviously theres no point in getting married.

 

besides im very open to trying different sexual acts, and more than happy to do things to please someone. as long as its not extreme.

 

No, it isn't something you know until you have sex with someone. It's similar to chemistry, you can't talk about it, you either feel it or you don't. It's not something you can discuss and you don't even know whether you like sex or not.

 

It's like trying to tell someone who has never had alcohol what being drunk is like. You simply have no concept of it until you experienced it.

 

Your views on sexuality and relationships are very naive, you are not doing yourself any favours by potentially putting yourself in an unhappy marriage.

[Emilia]

Remaining celibate before getting married is really hard, but I as a Christian I understand why God wants people to wait until they get married to have sex. I wish I would have waited.

 

It's not 'God' wants you to abstein, it's your church. Big difference.

[thatone]

so your body is all you have to offer the "man you want to marry" or at least the vast majority of what you have to offer. that's what you're telling us.

 

what happens to your marriage when your body doesn't look like it does at 21? how about 42? 63?

[Eddie Edirol]

:love:

yes this is big part of why i have this principal.

 

 

Its fairy tale nonsense. Have you even done any research as to the failure rate of virgin/celibate marriage in your country? You're never supposed to put that much faith in someone unless youve known them a couple years. And if that someone already had sex, then they are suspicious.

[january2011]

Okay, be honest, how many people that you know of who have remained celebate until marraige, actually had their marraige ruined based on sexual incompatiblity alone??

 

OR did they divorce for reasons other than that?

 

I was just wondering, because for those who have waited, would have a different mindset, and perhaps be able to work their away around their sexual incompatiblities or work ON it?

 

I'm sure there'd be challenges, just like with anything in a marraige, but I'm finding it hard to believe their first experiences on their Honeymoon would make it for the worst possible Honeymoon ever??

 

Have you ever been married? Have you ever been in a very long-term relationship (say 10 years or more)? Have you ever had sexual incompability factor into the breakdown of a marriage/very long-term relationship?

[Emilia]

Okay, be honest, how many people that you know of who have remained celebate until marraige, actually had their marraige ruined based on sexual incompatiblity alone??

 

OR did they divorce for reasons other than that?

 

I was just wondering, because for those who have waited, would have a different mindset, and perhaps be able to work their away around their sexual incompatiblities or work ON it?

 

I'm sure there'd be challenges, just like with anything in a marraige, but I'm finding it hard to believe their first experiences on their Honeymoon would make it for the worst possible Honeymoon ever??

 

Pierre here divorced his wife because she cheated on him. She was a virgin when they got married, she enjoyed sex and she got curious, wanted to find out more.

[MrDDuck]

The more we tell you this isn't well thought out, the more you will hold on to your believes.

 

Why do you think this is such a good idea? What benefits are there?

[d'Arthez]

I respect your beliefs OP. If those beliefs make you happy, stick to them. It is a belief that defines OP. Whether people believe it is right or wrong, does not really matter. OP is convinced it is right for her. Not adhering to that belief could impact just as negatively on her.

 

It is not something I could have done, though I have not exactly been sleeping around either.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't believe in it because sexual incompatibility can break the relationship. Better to find out sooner

[Els]

OP, it depends on what you define as sex, I guess. At what level does it stop being 'making out and foreplay' and becoming 'sex'? If you mean technical intercourse, I actually know plenty, because of the culture I come from. If you mean nothing at all, not even making out, not that many. There are some Christian couples who claim they didn't, but most of those whom I've spoken to on a very honest level admit that they did at least make out.

 

At any rate, it's your body, and your choice. You won't find many here who would choose such themselves, and that is their right, but you choosing to abstain is also your right, and nobody should judge you for such. If you mainly date in conservative circles or religious ones, it should not be any problem finding a compatible mate.

 

As for the theory of sex before marriage improving the odds of a happy marriage, well, I understand the logic behind it, but statistically, I'm not seeing it. The cultures that promote sex before marriage, for some reason, seem to have the most dysfunctional relationships and family units (and I'm not even talking solely about divorce rates). I don't think the reasons for such are necessarily linked to HAVING sex before marriage, but regardless, it does shed some doubt on the theory.

 

Pierre here divorced his wife because she cheated on him. She was a virgin when they got married, she enjoyed sex and she got curious, wanted to find out more.

 

This is really not the same thing as divorcing because you find yourself 'sexually compatible'. Not to say that such divorces have not happened, but this is a rather poor example of one. They divorced because she cheated, period. Excuses used for cheating are usually only attempts at justifications of the act.

[Eddie Edirol]

if he expects me to do something that i wont be willing to ever do and vise-virsa, then obviously theres no point in getting married.

 

Exactly. But, he might not make this expectation until AFTER you get married, and then where will you be?

 

Sexual compatibility is things like

 

 

• If he wants sex everyday, maybe 3 times a day, can you keep up
  
• If he is physically too big and its too painful for you to have sex and enjoy it
  
• If he is too small for you to enjoy sex - cant really feel it
  
• Is he really physically attracted to you or did he marry you for other reasons, like he couldnt find someone be liked better
  
• Will you realize you dont like sex with him after you have it the first time and the relationship is ruined
  
• does he know how to turn you on for sex, or do you get turned off because he nags you about it, making you want it less.
  
• Watching porn while you have sex is the only way he enjoys it
  
• He doesnt try to make you climax or doesnt care that you climax (You basically have to climax or theres no point to sex)
  
• He likes Bondage and discipline sex but didnt tell you until after youre married
  

You cant wait until youre married to find out these things.

 

These are the types of things people find out while dating to make sure they are compatible BEFORE marriage. Look in the Sexual & Reproductive Health and Practices secsion of the forum to see just how many problems people have with sexual compatibility. Its a very big deal. Thats why everyone says waiting for marriage is a BAD idea, and why its based on ignorance. Have you even done any research on sexual practices, or were you just going to "wing it"?

[Els]

Edit: I meant 'sexually incompatible'. Darn you, Nibiru, you posted like 5 seconds after I did!

[irin]

No, it isn't something you know until you have sex with someone. It's similar to chemistry, you can't talk about it, you either feel it or you don't. It's not something you can discuss and you don't even know whether you like sex or not.

 

It's like trying to tell someone who has never had alcohol what being drunk is like. You simply have no concept of it until you experienced it.

 

Your views on sexuality and relationships are very naive, you are not doing yourself any favours by potentially putting yourself in an unhappy marriage.

 

im not pretending to know everything, ofcours im naive, im young and inexperienced.

i simply have a believe, a principal, that i will be sticking by despite the risks, there's no guarantee that i will be in happy marriage if i have sex before hand either.

 

so your body is all you have to offer the "man you want to marry" or at least the vast majority of what you have to offer. that's what you're telling us.

 

what happens to your marriage when your body doesn't look like it does at 21? how about 42? 63?

 

my body belongs to me and i choose who i share with.

doesn't mean that's all i have to offer, actually i have many things to offer. im very talented, educated,, speak 5 five languages, i have people that rely on me for emotional support, im told that im a good friend always there for people, i have a lot of love to give, im kind, i care for people.

 

Its fairy tale nonsense. Have you even done any research as to the failure rate of virgin/celibate marriage in your country? You're never supposed to put that much faith in someone unless youve known them a couple years. And if that someone already had sex, then they are suspicious.

 

actually divorce is almost non-existant where im from and people dont engage in sex before marriage.

the only people i know that are in unhappy marriages, are divorced, are people who had sex before they married, and had numerous relationship prior to marriage.

 

in my whole extended family there is zero divorce, also they all didnt believe in sex before marriage.