Emilia Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Might want to check out Fred Rutherford's posts He seems to make a lot of sense in that it's all moot if you think about it. He's known people who have had plenty of sexual experience with others and the partner, then married that person....only to find out a few years later their spouse "all of a sudden" lost interest in sex. Of course that happens, there is no magic solution. However, he would not have this sort of data for those that married when virgins because they don't even discuss this sort of thing since it's a taboo I love it when someone forms an opinion on second hand experience by the way...
Imported Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I love it when someone forms an opinion on second hand experience by the way... You should, you seem to do it all the time yourself.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 This. Christ...why are people judging the OP. If her lifestyle works for her, then it works FOR HER. Some folks seem butthurt at the fact that someone isnt living a life that THEY think is right for the OTHER person. Come on now. Totally agree!!!
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Definitely true, and I agree wholeheartedly with this principle. As I said, though, the OP seems to be looking for a debate. She'll pick on the answers that disagree with her and state some reason for her way being 'better'. In a way, she is much like the people who judge her - seeking to prove a point about her choice being the 'right' one. Her extreme defensiveness towards being asked about the purpose of this thread is quite telling of that. okay, i made this thread, because at uni the topic of sex came up. i was asked my opinion, i said i didnt know because i was a virgin, then everyone laughed thought i was joking. they said but your not ugly. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. i have never said anything about them. yet they turned around and judged me for my choice. so i came on loveshack to find people who are going through the same thing as me. so i didnt came here for a fight or to looked down on people, if anything ive been looked down upon. but it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im.
d'Arthez Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 okay, i made this thread, because at uni the topic of sex came up. i was asked my opinion, i said i didnt know because i was a virgin, then everyone laughed thought i was joking. they said but your not ugly. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. i have never said anything about them. yet they turned around and judged me for my choice. so i came on loveshack to find people who are going through the same thing as me. so i didnt came here for a fight or to looked down on people, if anything ive been looked down upon. but it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im. I am really sorry to hear that your classmates have made fun of you for your choices. Peer pressure at its worst. They could not even be bothered to disagree respectfully. Don't let them affect you. It is good that you stand up for your beliefs.
CMH78 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 okay, i made this thread, because at uni the topic of sex came up. i was asked my opinion, i said i didnt know because i was a virgin, then everyone laughed thought i was joking. they said but your not ugly. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. i have never said anything about them. yet they turned around and judged me for my choice. so i came on loveshack to find people who are going through the same thing as me. so i didnt came here for a fight or to looked down on people, if anything ive been looked down upon. but it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im. College isn't easy. You learn who your true friends are and are not. Don't let em get you down and stand your ground.
irc333 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Irin, don't feel bad....like me, I don't drink much alcohol, but people who drink like a fish, judge ME. I recall a few times where one of my co-workers looked at me nursing the same drink teh entire night...he was probably on his 5th drink and offered to buy me another, and I told him 'No thanks, I had my fill" And he said, "Oh, ou don't drink much, do ya?" In a condescending way. I've even heard a person say "They'll never trust a person that doesn't drink" No joke. Apparently people feel SO bad about their own immoralities, that they are quick to sneer at people who have the discipline not drink like a fish. Apparently, they feel bad about having done such things, they might even feel you might "tattle" on them to their supervisor or something. (This was during a work related boon-doggle). I think it's a form of projection. okay, i made this thread, because at uni the topic of sex came up. i was asked my opinion, i said i didnt know because i was a virgin, then everyone laughed thought i was joking. they said but your not ugly. i explained that i was waiting for marriage. i got made fun of, and ridiculed by girls that have in the past confided in me that they regretted having sex early in life, and sometimes feel ashamed of the casual sex they have. i have never said anything about them. yet they turned around and judged me for my choice. so i came on loveshack to find people who are going through the same thing as me. so i didnt came here for a fight or to looked down on people, if anything ive been looked down upon. but it seems people who have sex outside of marriage are as defensive of their choice as im.
pink_sugar Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I just don't think it's realistic. What if the sex isn't very good or you're not very sexually compatible? I can understand getting married before living together, statistics suggest you are less likely to divorce, but I'm not sure about sex.
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 thank CMH78, d'Arthez, and some other for being understanding. Irin, don't feel bad....like me, I don't drink much alcohol, but people who drink like a fish, judge ME. I recall a few times where one of my co-workers looked at me nursing the same drink teh entire night...he was probably on his 5th drink and offered to buy me another, and I told him 'No thanks, I had my fill" And he said, "Oh, ou don't drink much, do ya?" In a condescending way. I've even heard a person say "They'll never trust a person that doesn't drink" No joke. Apparently people feel SO bad about their own immoralities, that they are quick to sneer at people who have the discipline not drink like a fish. Apparently, they feel bad about having done such things, they might even feel you might "tattle" on them to their supervisor or something. (This was during a work related boon-doggle). I think it's a form of projection. yes i also dont drink, also have the same experience. someone once said but how do how have fun with out drinking? :confused:
irc333 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 This is amazing, how hot this thread topic is....while I'm typing some of these out, some people have submitted 2 or 3 replies all at one time. 1
irc333 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Right , they feel that drinking in excess actually represent how this can better yourself. Even when it comes to pre-marital sex. They justify this by tying in some kind of rationale for it and label the people who are holding off on drinking or sex as the "bad ones" My how the tables have turned. Remember back in the day the opposite occured? thank CMH78, d'Arthez, and some other for being understanding. yes i also dont drink, also have the same experience. someone once said but how do how have fun with out drinking? :confused: 2
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 This is amazing, how hot this thread topic is....while I'm typing some of these out, some people have submitted 2 or 3 replies all at one time. :lmao: i had no idea i was living such a controversial lifestyle. making inappropriate choices. :rolleyes: 2
d'Arthez Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 i had no idea i was living such a controversial lifestyle. making inappropriate choices. :rolleyes: You bad immoral wench But seriously, these are your beliefs. It is commendable that people are willing to stick to their beliefs. 1
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 You bad immoral wench But seriously, these are your beliefs. It is commendable that people are willing to stick to their beliefs. thank you, your avatar makes me really horny;) its very difficult to keep my pants on. :p
ThaWholigan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 This thread reminds me of my crush telling me that I should save my virginity for my future wife, and how she "wasn't good for it" . I have no desire to "save it" personally, the first girl I like enough, I will definitely have sex with her . However, I think you OP are entitled to your beliefs and nobody should belittle you for wanting to wait. It's a perfectly legitimate want. 1
d'Arthez Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 thank you, your avatar makes me really horny;) its very difficult to keep my pants on. :p Another temptation resisted.
Author irin Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Another temptation resisted. oh those hand-cuffs are killing me.
Yamaha Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 It cracks me up with this sexually compatible message. Most people live together now days before they get married and I'm sure there having sex. If having sex before marriage is such an indicator of sexual compatibility, why is the divorce rate still so high? By most people's logic couples should know if they are compatible by the time their married, sexually and emotionally, but that still doesn't make marriage any more viable. Having sex early and often does not make you more wise and all knowing in the relationship arena! 2
TheFinalWord Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) Good for you OP! That's really cool. It's not just her church telling her that. It's all over in the bible, which if you're a Christian, is God's Word. Go to bible gateway and type in "fornication" and read for yourself It cracks me up with this sexually compatible message. Most people live together now days before they get married and I'm sure there having sex. If having sex before marriage is such an indicator of sexual compatibility, why is the divorce rate still so high? By most people's logic couples should know if they are compatible by the time their married, sexually and emotionally, but that still doesn't make marriage any more viable. Having sex early and often does not make you more wise and all knowing in the relationship arena! Yeah, most who espouse that are not married. Here's my thing, if you don't believe in God, that's fine. I can very much see why the entire pre-marital sex concept seems illogical to you. But if you do believe in God, and believe that marriage is an institution that He made up, wouldn't it make sense that God would give you a spouse that was more sexually compatible with you than anyone else on earth? I mean, if you believe He made sex, and made a certain person for you, wouldn't that concept make just as much sense to you as the entire, "test it before you buy it" concept you believe in? It all starts with your beliefs thank CMH78, d'Arthez, and some other for being understanding. yes i also dont drink, also have the same experience. someone once said but how do how have fun with out drinking? :confused: A notion that is mind-boggling to me. I don't drink. But I have many friends that do. I don't mind a glass of wine or what have you. But I know so many people that absolutely cannot conceive doing anything social if alcohol is not involved. When I say "no thanks I don't drink" (mainly because I bodybuild and watch my diet) they look at me like I'm a buzz kill Hey I don't judge your lifestyle, I just don't get why you have to be under the influence of a psychoactive drug to have fun in all social situations. Edited May 29, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Joaquin Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) I believe in having sex as soon as possible in a relationship. It's only then that you can start getting to know the person. You can learn so much about a girls character in bed. Edited May 29, 2012 by Joaquin
january2011 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Having sex early and often does not make you more wise and all knowing in the relationship arena! Neither does having sex late. Those who have it late, might even be less knowing and less wise because they haven't shared that part of themselves with their partner and their partner hasn't shared that part of themselves with them. Each relationship dynamic is unique, so who can say for sure that any of our own experiences apply to anyone else? Having said that, I agree that it's up to the OP to decide what she wants to do with her body, as she so rightly stated. And I wish her luck in finding a partner who supports her decision. Just as she has a right to her stance for her own life, those who disagree have a right to their stance for their own lives. 1
denise_xo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Having been in a LTR characterised by sexual incompatibility, I would never commit to a man before knowing if we would have a good sex life. Sex is a very important glue in a relationship. 1
shorty7 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 As a female who's had casual sex, one-night stands and bouncing around sexual partners for a short period of time in college, I can say that I'm only okay with it because I can live with the fact that it was because I was young. And stupid. Or ignorant, to be more accurate. My parents never talked about sex when I was growing up, so that was always something I had to experiment and research on my own. So were most school subjects, but that's beside the point. If I had to comment on the "no sex before marriage" thing, it would likely be "whatever works for you, let's hope that's the same for your partner." My former roommate just got married. While I have imminent proof to believe they've been having sex well before the wedding, I'm fairly pretty sure she didn't put out until she was sure he was darn committed to getting married to her. (I also know he was a virgin before her as well.) I don't doubt that they'll start having children and lead happy lives, but I also know that they are comfortable knowing their relationship is based on everything outside of sexual compatibility. As far as I know they've only known each other so they don't have other sexual needs criteria to compare to. And here's my driving point: they. Don't. Want. To. For most of the "no sex before marriage" crew that I know personally, it's a belief of a certain lifestyle that works for them if they're able to find another partner that think alike. For me, watching some of my friends who've married in this fashion, it's like observing two clam shell halves that've found each other. No other clam shell half will match them like the one they have already and they know it, so they don't bother looking elsewhere. While it is an idealistic viewpoint and sometimes not practical, I've seen it work, so I don't have arguments about it either way. Those people who I know are divorced or getting divorced--I know them well enough that their problems didn't start in the bedroom and cheating or sexual compatibility didn't have too much to do with the reasons for getting divorced. (Though it may have been impacted through the whole ordeal--the reasons for resentment and/or marital unsatisfaction does not always spawn from just what goes on behind closed doors in the bedroom.) I also know a couple who got divorced and I have no doubt she wouldn't have stayed with him if she didn't feel sexual compatibility, so there were obviously some things that were amiss aside from sex in that relationship. I think the question begs whether or not you view a relationship is a package deal and you have to look at the whole package, or if you view individual perks to be breaking points. Either way, 21 is not a bad age to think about it. The average age range of people that I personally know who got married as virgins (or married to tge only sexual partner they've had in their life) were 24~25, and they were dating at least 3 years before the marriage took place. If you see marriage and what age you look at to get married an important piece in that puzzle of life, you just have to understand that you'll have to find someone with the same values as yours before worrying about sex or marriage with that person.
make me believe Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Irin, I'm wondering if you've ever been in a long term relationship? I think it's a lot easier for people to say they are going to wait until marriage when they haven't actually be in a long term relationship with somebody that they love yet. Unless you're one of those annoying "everything but" people who think they can have oral, manual, even anal sex and still call themselves virgins.. :rolleyes: A big problem I have with waiting until marriage is that once you get into a loving, healthy adult relationship, most people don't WANT to keep denying themselves sexual intimacy with their partner. So they are more likely to marry at young ages, or much sooner than they would if they weren't trying to hold off until marriage.
irc333 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Yeah, that's something I've noticed, too. Every person I've ever known that "waited" till marraige, got married very young. THere was this one Christian couple I knew of when I was younger....dated while they were in Highschool...few months later after they graduated their Senior year of HS, they married. Don't tell me they were "itchin" to get married for sexual reasons. lol It's like "Let's hurry up and get married as quick as we can so we can make it look right in the eyes of God! Man, I'm horny I can't wait!!" LOL Irin, I'm wondering if you've ever been in a long term relationship? I think it's a lot easier for people to say they are going to wait until marriage when they haven't actually be in a long term relationship with somebody that they love yet. Unless you're one of those annoying "everything but" people who think they can have oral, manual, even anal sex and still call themselves virgins.. :rolleyes: A big problem I have with waiting until marriage is that once you get into a loving, healthy adult relationship, most people don't WANT to keep denying themselves sexual intimacy with their partner. So they are more likely to marry at young ages, or much sooner than they would if they weren't trying to hold off until marriage.
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