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anyone here who believe in 'no sex before marriage'?

irin

By irin
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january2011 Established Member

january2011

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I think there's a big difference between being a practitioner of casual sex and wanting to marry a sexually compatible partner.

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CMH78 New Member

CMH78

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yes but why?

 

your idea of virgin marriages lasting longer isn't true. you tell us why you believe what you do and we give you examples of why you're wrong, that's how this works, lol.

 

She wants to. Waiting has worked within my circle of friends. Can't argue with happy marriages that have lasted 20 or more years.

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irin Established Member

irin

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Marriage is a social convention anyways...meh. And its one that religion picked up on and remolded. I see religion as a man made thing anyways.

 

But OP, do what makes ya happy.

 

I have to say part of why Im cautious about virgins is because of what happened to Pierre. Its not uncommon that after having sex, some former virgins will get the urge to play the field. I dont blame them, as sowing wild oats and seeking out variety is natural for many of us...but you do that before settling down. I wouldnt want to get caught up in that. Though I can understand someone wondering what its like to be with more than only one person for their entire lives.

 

Its not like humans were made to have sex with only one person. But if thats someones goal, I say good luck to them and I stand behind it.

 

i agree, im not religious. im an agnostic. yes i have thought about the whole missing out thing, and being curious. but very put off by the idea of having multiple partners, so its all good, im one of those extremely loyal people. so no cheating.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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Marriage is a social convention anyways...meh. And its one that religion picked up on and remolded. I see religion as a man made thing anyways.

 

But OP, do what makes ya happy.

 

I have to say part of why Im cautious about virgins is because of what happened to Pierre. Its not uncommon that after having sex, some former virgins will get the urge to play the field. I dont blame them, as sowing wild oats and seeking out variety is natural for many of us...but you do that before settling down. I wouldnt want to get caught up in that. Though I can understand someone wondering what its like to be with more than only one person for their entire lives.

 

Its not like humans were made to have sex with only one person. But if thats someones goal, I say good luck to them and I stand behind it.

 

 

If you go read the "cheating" section, you'll see that there are far far far far more cases of people that have pre-martial sex, already had sex with other people before.....and they still cheat on their current SO.

 

You are extremely more likely to get a girl that already had sex before you and will cheat on you when you thought you were in a relationship with her than you are to get a virgin that turns out to be a complete phyco slut. So, rest easy. Or, it's even worse than you thought.

thatone Established Member

thatone

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Right, casual sex seems to have spoiled people these days, just for the sake of getting their rocks off and nothing more, people tend to bore easily and not only that divorce is on the rampage.

 

Tired of your wife...get a new one.

 

Sick of seeing your boyfriend too many times....time for a replacement. I think society has been spoiled with so much casual/ pre-marital sex..that the above mentioned is more likely the outcome.

 

So I would think it would be a unique spin to do what you intend on doing OP. :-)

 

Usually people like yourself have patience, discipline, and fortitude to do what you're doing. It reflects the future and what you're willing to do.

 

Because I think some people are trying to justify their casualness of sex. They want to be able to have sex with many partners before finding "the one" without feeling guilty about it.

 

it seems that way to you because you don't get sex often/at all. sex is not the most important part of a long term relationship by any means. major part? sure, but not the be all and end all.

 

and in all of those divorces you can usually find a glaring red flag that both sides ignored before they got married.

 

that's the catch with freedom to do what you want, the consequences belong to you too.

d'Arthez Established Member

d'Arthez

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It is a belief.

 

All of us have beliefs, and those beliefs work for us as individual people. Just because OP has a belief that is not shared by the majority does not make it wrong.

 

Arguing superiority of one position over another is mostly an argument on the basis of our own experiences. For most of us that also means selecting our partner(s) on certain criteria. Criteria that will vary for people who have different approaches to sex and marriage.

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Els Established Member

Els

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i did not create this thread to debate. i was simply wandering if there other people here who where also in the same place as me.

 

but i felt a bit attacked by some of the responses, so i became i little defensive.

 

if you read my original post i wasnt asking for people to agree with me, or disagree, but i welcome all responses, and at the same time i will defend myself.

 

Nod, but many of us have told you that it is your body and you do not need to defend yourself to anyone else. D'Arthez, myself, mrDuck, and a few others, for example. Other than this (which you did after I posted again), you have only responded to the attackers.

 

I personally don't see what the point of the posting was, to begin with. You say you're not looking for anything in particular, and your mind is set. So what was the purpose of this thread? To set yourself up in a position where you have to defend a personal choice to strangers?

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CMH78 New Member

CMH78

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Right, casual sex seems to have spoiled people these days, just for the sake of getting their rocks off and nothing more, people tend to bore easily and not only that divorce is on the rampage.

 

Tired of your wife...get a new one.

 

Sick of seeing your boyfriend too many times....time for a replacement. I think society has been spoiled with so much casual/ pre-marital sex..that the above mentioned is more likely the outcome.

 

So I would think it would be a unique spin to do what you intend on doing OP. :-)

 

Usually people like yourself have patience, discipline, and fortitude to do what you're doing. It reflects the future and what you're willing to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because I think some people are trying to justify their casualness of sex. They want to be able to have sex with many partners before finding "the one" without feeling guilty about it.

 

Casual sex and impatience for really good sex causes some relationships to never have a chance to develop.

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

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If you are a virgin and want to wait then that's cool. I saw a mention of celibate and that is a different situation because you will see sluts that finally get some standards and find some unsuspecting man and create this image of being wholesome. That person that wants to wait is totally wrong because you are deceptive.

 

I know for me I can't do it. I meet someone and really attracted to them. I get hard all the time. To some it bothers them because I am horny all the time.

CMH78 New Member

CMH78

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Marriage is a social convention anyways...meh. And its one that religion picked up on and remolded. I see religion as a man made thing anyways.

 

But OP, do what makes ya happy.

 

I have to say part of why Im cautious about virgins is because of what happened to Pierre. Its not uncommon that after having sex, some former virgins will get the urge to play the field. I dont blame them, as sowing wild oats and seeking out variety is natural for many of us...but you do that before settling down. I wouldnt want to get caught up in that. Though I can understand someone wondering what its like to be with more than only one person for their entire lives.

 

Its not like humans were made to have sex with only one person. But if thats someones goal, I say good luck to them and I stand behind it.

 

Some virgins don't have that urge. Promiscuous people on the other hand all have played the field and Some settle down and some do not. Not everybody needs to sow their wild oats, but in our sexualized society those who don't desire to do this sometimes get ridiculed.

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irin Established Member

irin

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Nod, but many of us have told you that it is your body and you do not need to defend yourself to anyone else. D'Arthez, myself, mrDuck, and a few others, for example. Other than this (which you did after I posted again), you have only responded to the attackers.

 

I personally don't see what the point of the posting was, to begin with. You say you're not looking for anything in particular, and your mind is set. So what was the purpose of this thread? To set yourself up in a position where you have to defend a personal choice to strangers?

 

you are absolutely right i dont have to explain myself to anyone. i dont have to explain to you why i made this this thread, if you dont like then dont post on it. i have a right post, just like you or anyone else. im sorry that you find it pointless, and you wasted your time on it. :)

CMH78 New Member

CMH78

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I know several people who believe in keeping themselves pure until marriage. I believe that's God's plan for His people. Good for you for holding to your principles.

 

Some religious people wait until marriage. Some non religious people wait until marriage. Some of each are in my circle.

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Els Established Member

Els

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Absolutely correct, it is your right to continue defending a personal choice to strangers if you wish. I can only advise against it, but as you seem to enjoy it so, please do carry on. :) I will be in the popcorn stand with the others.

thatone Established Member

thatone

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you are absolutely right i dont have to explain myself to anyone. i dont have to explain to you why i made this this thread, if you dont like then dont post on it. i have a right post, just like you or anyone else. im sorry that you find it pointless, and you wasted your time on it. :)

 

not pointless, to make yourself feel better by looking down on everyone else. as polite, judgmental, self righteous people do.

 

she just drew her answer out of you.

TripLine Established Member

TripLine

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I believe in it, but I don't always follow my beliefs.

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irin Established Member

irin

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not pointless, to make yourself feel better by looking down on everyone else. as polite, judgmental, self righteous people do.

 

she just drew her answer out of you.

 

how am i looking down on anyone? please explain? im not being judgemental, i simply asked if there was anyone else like myself

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kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Some virgins don't have that urge. Promiscuous people on the other hand all have played the field and Some settle down and some do not. Not everybody needs to sow their wild oats, but in our sexualized society those who don't desire to do this sometimes get ridiculed.

I do recall saying only some former virgins have the urge to sow wild oats. You basically repeated what I said lol ;)

 

Society is sexualized because humans are sexual beings. I embrace it. Im a very sexual man but Im a very loyal man as well when I find the right woman. People can embrace both things. Its not a "one or the other" type of living.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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how am i looking down on anyone? please explain? im not being judgemental, i simply asked if there was anyone else like myself

 

True. Luckily the answer is 'yes but not that many'

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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how am i looking down on anyone? please explain? im not being judgemental, i simply asked if there was anyone else like myself

This.

 

Christ...why are people judging the OP. If her lifestyle works for her, then it works FOR HER. Some folks seem butthurt at the fact that someone isnt living a life that THEY think is right for the OTHER person.

 

Come on now.

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Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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but in our sexualized society

 

I'm sure you mean 'in our more secular western society with fewer oppressive taboos' surely?

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xoxoDaniellexoxo Established Member

xoxoDaniellexoxo

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just people are raised to work on things rather then give up so soon. for simple things.

 

I have said this sooo many times! I am more of the thought process of wait till it is love, because my parents just always made it seem like when you love someone it is just another way to become closer and share your love. As for marriage, I probably don't think waiting is that likely for most people, but those who stick to it more power to them, since I am still a virgin at 22 now I don't want to say I would never have sex before marriage since for all I know I might not get married, but still fall in love and be commited. Call me naive but I still believe in true love and makin love with the same person once you are married till you are old and grey!:love:

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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Come on now.

 

It's not virginity itself that riles some of us, it's the idea that suppression of a very natural and loving act by man-made religious organisations gets this much airtime in societies that ought to be more secular. It's the brainwashing aspect of it that annoys me.

 

In another thread someone said the 'church' (whoever the 'church' is??? some faceless power???) tells people to save themselves until marriage to stop them from going through emotional bonding and heart break when relationships end. How f***d up and brainwashed is that??

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Els Established Member

Els

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This.

 

Christ...why are people judging the OP. If her lifestyle works for her, then it works FOR HER. Some folks seem butthurt at the fact that someone isnt living a life that THEY think is right for the OTHER person.

 

Come on now.

 

Definitely true, and I agree wholeheartedly with this principle.

 

As I said, though, the OP seems to be looking for a debate. She'll pick on the answers that disagree with her and state some reason for her way being 'better'. In a way, she is much like the people who judge her - seeking to prove a point about her choice being the 'right' one. Her extreme defensiveness towards being asked about the purpose of this thread is quite telling of that.

CMH78 New Member

CMH78

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True. Luckily the answer is 'yes but not that many'

 

It's more than some think and she needs to just find one.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

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Might want to check out Fred Rutherford's posts

 

He seems to make a lot of sense in that it's all moot if you think about it. He's known people who have had plenty of sexual experience with others and the partner, then married that person....only to find out a few years later their spouse "all of a sudden" lost interest in sex.

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