StevieSpade Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 My whole young adulthood my parents taught me to suffocate and repress all emotions and to keep your distance from people. As an adult who's been living on my own for three years, this has proven extremely difficult in virtually every relationship I've ever had. For most of my dating life I've dated controlling and manipulative men. Within the last year I've branched out and have learned to love myself and the people I surround myself with. However, I find it still extremely difficult to date. I have no idea how to talk to men so most of the beginning of every relationship is full of me pushing the guy away, after a few months I start to open up and then freak out that I'm being too vulnerable and then somehow always sabotage the budding relationship. I understand that I need to be able to gradually open up to someone romantically, and I constantly feel that need to find someone to emotionally attach to, however every time I think about someone specific that I want to open up to (i.e. the person I'm dating) I become too hesitant and often miss my chances all together. Has anyone gone through this before and concurred? Any advice would help, I've learned a lot about myself within this last year and am growing as a person, but the thought of actually letting someone into my life makes my brain shut down completely. What is the best way to defeat this funk?
dollface07 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 "but the thought of actually letting someone into my life makes my brain shut down completely. What is the best way to defeat this funk?" my main advice to you is to keep using LS as a resource and learn from others interpersonal lessons and experiences. Also, to defeat this funk you have got to open up yourself to being potentially vulnerable, disappointed and hurt by another individual. Don't be afraid to let somebody in and take that risk b/c the worst case scenario may never actually come where you would potentially get hurt...but you will never know unless you try to stick it out and do exactly opposite of what you've become accustomed to doing--self-sabotaging--which is merely a maladaptive coping mechanism you've been using to avoid emotional vulnerability/pain BUT it's maladaptive reteach yourself to react opposite to how you would normally react and force yourself to grow accustomed to interpersonal interactions that are uncomfortable that you would typically run away from...then when you start seeing the results you will have positive reinforcement to continue your effective behavior and you wont have to consider when to "let go" but rather how to "just be" knowing that you'll be okay no matter what happens. Good luck!
Recommended Posts