irc333 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 .....after they found out you had recently become single? I have a female friend of mine, when she broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years, news spread so quickly about her break up, she started getting calls from male friends that kind of fell off the radar since she was in a serious relationship. She was not sure why at first, but she put 2 and 2 together and figured out what was up. Ladies, how many guys tried to contact you (men that you knew as acquaintences) after THEY found out you broke up with your boyfriend?
Mrlonelyone Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I hope it's not too OT...but it's not just men who "orbit". Women do it too. Someone they like is in a RLship so they go on with life. If that person becomes available, and they are available they may drop some hints. It's perfectly normal as long as the orbiter does not obsess over the "planet".
carhill Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I've known a couple of MW's who have 'orbiters' routinely calling them while they are married to 'check in' when the MW's status isn't immediately known to them. I recall one in particular who took such a call while we were both sitting in her accountant's office; she told me who he was and what the circumstances were, that she had dated him while 'separated'. TBH, I've learned a lot about how men really are (not with me, another man, but with women) from interactions with MW's. Fascinating experience. Happy I don't have to deal with that, TBH. Myself, though I often, in retrospect, characterized my behavior as an 'orbiter', I've never contacted a woman based on 'status', even MW's. I contacted them when I wanted to. Most of the time, they contacted me. It was ego feed time, or that's what it turned out to be. My recollections of platonic female friends aligns pretty much with your OP. Once ostensibly single, they didn't want for male attention for long. Maybe a day or two. Some were new, some ex'es and some 'orbiters' (didn't know that term back then). TBH, watching that helped enormously in changing my dating style from methodical and careful to a more immediate and risky style, which did indeed garner more success.
Author irc333 Posted May 28, 2012 Author Posted May 28, 2012 What's an "MW"? I've known a couple of MW's who have 'orbiters' routinely calling them while they are married to 'check in' when the MW's status isn't immediately known to them. I recall one in particular who took such a call while we were both sitting in her accountant's office; she told me who he was and what the circumstances were, that she had dated him while 'separated'. TBH, I've learned a lot about how men really are (not with me, another man, but with women) from interactions with MW's. Fascinating experience. Happy I don't have to deal with that, TBH. Myself, though I often, in retrospect, characterized my behavior as an 'orbiter', I've never contacted a woman based on 'status', even MW's. I contacted them when I wanted to. Most of the time, they contacted me. It was ego feed time, or that's what it turned out to be. My recollections of platonic female friends aligns pretty much with your OP. Once ostensibly single, they didn't want for male attention for long. Maybe a day or two. Some were new, some ex'es and some 'orbiters' (didn't know that term back then). TBH, watching that helped enormously in changing my dating style from methodical and careful to a more immediate and risky style, which did indeed garner more success.
somedude81 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Such an odd phenomena. You think with an abundance of single women that exists, that men wouldn't be waiting for a woman to get out of relationship likes she's a wounded wildebeest... 1
ThaWholigan Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Such an odd phenomena. You think with an abundance of single women that exists, that men wouldn't be waiting for a woman to get out of relationship likes she's a wounded wildebeest... Probably because quite a few men are a lot like how some guys claim women to be: wanting what they can't have, or perceive they can't have
carhill Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Also, some men, and I'll include myself at an earlier life stage, are attracted to (my disease of that era) or otherwise like to prey upon women who are or appear 'vulnerable', as generally, or so life experience has taught, women are/appear when they are breaking up/separating/divorcing. Since men are the phallic, the prober, the pursuer, it makes sense that they would/should be more evident in such matters.
somedude81 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Also, some men, and I'll include myself at an earlier life stage, are attracted to (my disease of that era) or otherwise like to prey upon women who are or appear 'vulnerable', as generally, or so life experience has taught, women are/appear when they are breaking up/separating/divorcing. Since men are the phallic, the prober, the pursuer, it makes sense that they would/should be more evident in such matters. So women who just got out of relationships are easier to get?
carhill Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I think you'd have to define 'get'. As an example, IME they are a lot harder to 'get' a stable intimate relationship with. Other men have shared that they are easier to 'get' sexually and the MW's in troubled M's who have hit on me over the decades bear some of that out. I personally found such instances of 'vulnerability' to leave the ladies more contemporaneously emotionally 'open', though this was a transient state but, when open, it was easier to 'get' emotional intimacy of some sort than with the iterations of dating examples I was being presented with at the time, which were quite tedious and frustrating. Any commonalities?
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Literally two seconds after I changed my FB status to single. He texted: "Hope you are OK! Want to grab dinner?" BTW I never hang out with him 1-1 because I was never into him that way. I don't even consider him a friend, he is more like an acquaintance who I see in group settings every now and then.
ascendotum Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Literally two seconds after I changed my FB status to single. He texted: "Hope you are OK! Want to grab dinner?" BTW I never hang out with him 1-1 because I was never into him that way. I don't even consider him a friend, he is more like an acquaintance who I see in group settings every now and then. Jeesh. He certainly wants an upgrade from acquantance status. ES, say with this guy, you didn't have the hots for him, but liked & got on well with him, how would you view such eagerness, as: a turn off because fake sincerity, as euthusiastic go getter or as desperate? Do you think its poor form for a guy to sympathise & hit on you at the same time or within a day? I used to avoid doing this, but regretted it. When it comes to some unpretentious, sweet natured, easy going girls, the window of opportunity is very small. I left a bit of a gap between the 'so sorry to hear you broke up with xxx' to 'so what are doing this weekend do you want to go...' and what would happen is that some other guy would get in first (random or orbiter) and they were only single for for around a week. 1
ThaWholigan Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Jeesh. He certainly wants an upgrade from acquantance status. ES, say with this guy, you didn't have the hots for him, but liked & got on well with him, how would you view such eagerness, as: a turn off because fake sincerity, as euthusiastic go getter or as desperate? Do you think its poor form for a guy to sympathise & hit on you at the same time or within a day? I used to avoid doing this, but regretted it. When it comes to some unpretentious, sweet natured, easy going girls, the window of opportunity is very small. I left a bit of a gap between the 'so sorry to hear you broke up with xxx' to 'so what are doing this weekend do you want to go...' and what would happen is that some other guy would get in first (random or orbiter) and they were only single for for around a week. Same, when my crush was single, guys would comment on her FB like straight away. I never did. I commented on pics every now and then, but I simply deleted those after a while.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Jeesh. He certainly wants an upgrade from acquantance status. ES, say with this guy, you didn't have the hots for him, but liked & got on well with him, how would you view such eagerness, as: a turn off because fake sincerity, as euthusiastic go getter or as desperate? Do you think its poor form for a guy to sympathise & hit on you at the same time or within a day? I used to avoid doing this, but regretted it. When it comes to some unpretentious, sweet natured, easy going girls, the window of opportunity is very small. I left a bit of a gap between the 'so sorry to hear you broke up with xxx' to 'so what are doing this weekend do you want to go...' and what would happen is that some other guy would get in first (random or orbiter) and they were only single for for around a week. Hmmmm.. I felt it was a bit desperate because it feels like he has been waiting for months for an opportunity to get in there. BUT he is someone I would never date regardless. He is actually incredibly good looking but is a lot younger, immature and not the brightest tool in the shed. Lack of intelligence is a major turn off for me. He has also done other desparate things, like contact me repeatedly to hang out prior my R and I would not respond at all. He just kept contacting me completely ignoring my non-responsiveness. Has he been someone I had any interest/attraction towards, I would probably find it as sweet and would enjoy the distraction for the time being...and who knows could turn into more.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I have included a pic of him in my album just to see how non-shallow I am and it's not all about looks. P.S, will be removing quickly
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