Edtheduck Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Now, this is the honest truth, but I have never dumped anyone in my life. I've always been dumped. Don't ask me why, I just think I'm too nice and always think things are going well in relationships. You'll see my recent break up further down the page. What I wanted to ask is, as you, the dumper, how does it make you feel when your ex texts calls or emails trying to get you back? Do you think it's pathetic? Are you sympathetic but force yourself not to respond for fear of giving false hope? Or does it ultimately hurt you too and make you doubt what you have done? I'm just curious to know, as whenever ive been dumped, I've always done the wrong thing and tried to reconcile straight away. Thanks all
Derevko Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I suppose its different depending on the dumper. I've mostly been the dumpee when it comes to relationships ending, and actually prefer it to being the dumper. It's hard enough being hurt, but it is sheer agony being the dumper and having to hurt someone you care dearly about. When I'd get those 3am calls from my ex, it mostly made me feel sad. Sad that the relationship was over, and all those dreams and hopes for our future together were no more. But I never doubted ending the relationship. I didn't answer the calls because I knew nothing had changed. I would just be sucked back into a situation that wasn't working, and we'd wind up breaking up again. The only way forward is to not respond, to move forward, to begin to rebuild your life.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I suppose its different depending on the dumper. I've mostly been the dumpee when it comes to relationships ending, and actually prefer it to being the dumper. It's hard enough being hurt, but it is sheer agony being the dumper and having to hurt someone you care dearly about. When I'd get those 3am calls from my ex, it mostly made me feel sad. Sad that the relationship was over, and all those dreams and hopes for our future together were no more. But I never doubted ending the relationship. I didn't answer the calls because I knew nothing had changed. I would just be sucked back into a situation that wasn't working, and we'd wind up breaking up again. The only way forward is to not respond, to move forward, to begin to rebuild your life. So if you still cared about him (?) why did you leave? If you were sad over it, why leave it? Why leave that future, dreams, hopes, etc you desired?
Derevko Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 So if you still cared about him (?) why did you leave? If you were sad over it, why leave it? Why leave that future, dreams, hopes, etc you desired? It was a she actually. And I left her because she changed. She was scared because we had gotten so serious. She'd pull back, I'd give her some space, and she'd pull back even further. She turned into a person who only did what she wanted to do, on the timetable of her choosing. She never compromised. And she became someone I couldn't count on. When one of the people I was closest too in this world passed away, she didn't even bother to come to the funeral. That was a hard pill to swallow. But in that moment, I knew the girl I loved just didn't exist anymore. So there was no future. I guess I was/am just sad over the loss of a future that at one time looked so bright.
CopingGal Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Now, this is the honest truth, but I have never dumped anyone in my life. I've always been dumped. Don't ask me why, I just think I'm too nice and always think things are going well in relationships. You'll see my recent break up further down the page. What I wanted to ask is, as you, the dumper, how does it make you feel when your ex texts calls or emails trying to get you back? Do you think it's pathetic? Are you sympathetic but force yourself not to respond for fear of giving false hope? Or does it ultimately hurt you too and make you doubt what you have done? I'm just curious to know, as whenever ive been dumped, I've always done the wrong thing and tried to reconcile straight away. Thanks all In my case it was awful. I dumped my ex because he pretty much began to ignore me. After I dumped him, I found out he had been cheating on me. I wanted nothing to do with him and he would contact me. I hated it. I had to actually speak to the police about it (without giving his name). He would contact me to throw another woman in my face or force friendship on me. I threatened 4 times to go to the police and was prepared to report him if the 4th time did not work. But it did.
gibson Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) What I wanted to ask is, as you, the dumper, how does it make you feel when your ex texts calls or emails trying to get you back? It makes us feel nothing for a while. However, if a dumpee continues / is persistent over a period of time, then we get annoyed. Hello!?!?!?! We broke up! We no longer want to date or be with you romantically. I fail to understand how a break up communicates that we want to be with you. Do you think it's pathetic? Everyone knows break ups suck and the dumpee is not going to themselves for a while. However, if a dumpee continues / is persistent over a period of time, then we end up getting annoyed and pity them. Are you sympathetic but force yourself not to respond for fear of giving false hope? It really depends on the mental and emotional maturity of the dumper / dumpee. I think a large majority of dumpers feel sympathy / guilt over hurting someone but how they handle / respond to that varies. Some do the "slow fade", some try to be your "friend", some cut you off, some are aholes, some go out of their way to show / tell you how happy they are, some are relieved, etc. Or does it ultimately hurt you too and make you doubt what you have done? It really depends on the mental and emotional maturity of the dumper / dumpee. For example, I care, love, respect and hurt for the person that I hurt. I might miss them, getting adjusted to life without them, etc. Disappointed is a better word to describe what I am feeling. As to the other question, if I am going to doubt / question my decision... it's time and space away from the person and the situation that would do it. I'm just curious to know, as whenever ive been dumped, I've always done the wrong thing and tried to reconcile straight away. Just based on the questions you asked... that's an easy one. You don't think the dumper really wanted to do it, think they are doubting their decision, think they regret the decision and they must be hurting. So in your mind, if you ignore the fact that were dumped, console the dumper and let them know that you still want them... all will be well. I suggest you read "A Break Up... Is The Answer To A Question" in my signature below. Edited May 28, 2012 by gibson
Recommended Posts