kvb Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 So my ex and I broke up a couple of months ago. I was going through a rough time and said some terrible things after finding out something unflattering about her past (I feel terrible about it and know that I was in the wrong). I tried a little too hard to win her back over and "pushed her away" and she also wasn't able to forgive me for what I said to her. Anyways, I talked to her on the phone for the first time a week ago for her birthday. We talked for hours and everything was great. I finally just asked her if she'd let me try to fix things with her when she got back in town. This is how the convo went: Me: So what would you think about letting me take you on a date when you get back? Her: (name)- I'm really enjoying talking to you but what you said really hurt my feelings ha. I'm trying to get over it but it's still in the back of my mind. Me: Let me work towards fixing things. Her: Ok. We can work on it. Me: That sounds great Her: You have to be nice.... Me: I know how to do it right this time. Her: We'll see. We talked for hours. At the end of the convo, she asked me to order her food at her hotel for her birthday (she didnt have internet access) and I obliged because she wanted me to "be nice" and I didn't mind. After I did that, the convo just ended (which I thought was strange). Several days later, I texted her that I missed her and hope she was enjoying her trip. Didn't get a response. I regret sending that because she's working literally 14 hours a day and I know that she wants space while she's out of town. I also turned her off with constant texts, etc when we originally broke up. So it's not all that surprising that she didn't respond I guess. Anyways, what do you guys think of this situation? Do you think she was serious about trying again with me? Any input about what's going on in her mind and how I should handle the situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
ScienceGal Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 I think you're pushing too hard too soon. What you said hurt her, and she said it's still in the back of her mind. She may want to forgive and forget, but that can't be rushed. If I were you I would back off. Tell her you care and want to fix things but that you understand that it has to be on her timeline and when she is ready. Then you wait. Obviously you can't wait around forever, and how long you do wait is completely up to you and how much you feel this woman and a relationship with her is worth. Good luck.
Author kvb Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I think you're pushing too hard too soon. What you said hurt her, and she said it's still in the back of her mind. She may want to forgive and forget, but that can't be rushed. If I were you I would back off. Tell her you care and want to fix things but that you understand that it has to be on her timeline and when she is ready. Then you wait. Obviously you can't wait around forever, and how long you do wait is completely up to you and how much you feel this woman and a relationship with her is worth. Good luck. Thank you for the response! I agree that I'm pushing too hard. I think the reason for that is that I "wasn't myself" (due to a biological issue) when I said those things so I subconsciously expect her to forgive me more easily/quickly than is realistic. I guess I'll let her contact me first next time? When I texted her, I didn't expect to start a convo and distract her but it seems like she'd at least respond based on how well the birthday convo went.
USMCHokie Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Two questions...first, how desperate ARE you...? And two, how difficult is it for you to meet other women...? Seriously, this is definitely a dead end, and you may have gotten played for a free meal. Leave this poor girl alone...unless you enjoy the pain of ordering bottle service for her and some random dude in her hotel room. She is NOT thinking about you.
Sid6.7 Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Translation: Me: So what would you think about letting me take you on a date when you get back? I am getting desperate Her: (name)- I'm really enjoying talking to you but what you said really hurt my feelings ha. I'm trying to get over it but it's still in the back of my mind. She is thinking over her options and you may not be one. Me: Let me work towards fixing things. You are willing to compromise yourself, which in reality you are not, it's just what she wants to hear. Her: Ok. We can work on it. On her time. Me: That sounds great Ego stroked. Her: You have to be nice.. You have to knuckle under to me. Me: I know how to do it right this time. I will bend to your will. Her: We'll see. We'll see chump. I really don't think you should be hitting the rewind button in life. Do you really think this is the best you can do?
utterer of lies Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Do you really think this is the best you can do? I think he kind of implied that in his post and in his text conversation.
Author kvb Posted May 27, 2012 Author Posted May 27, 2012 I don't consider myself "desperate". I just know what I want and I go after it. I'm moving past the age of house parties/bars three nights per week so the dating game is a little different. The field that I'm working in/going to school for is extremely time-consuming so I just don't have the capability of "dating around". I liked this girl and I wanted to be with her.
Sid6.7 Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 I don't consider myself "desperate". I just know what I want and I go after it. I'm moving past the age of house parties/bars three nights per week so the dating game is a little different. The field that I'm working in/going to school for is extremely time-consuming so I just don't have the capability of "dating around". I liked this girl and I wanted to be with her. Perfect. Then you don't need to be having a girlfriend. Study hard, get your degree(s) and put any thought of a girlfriend out of sight. I am not saying don't have fun, of course have fun. What I am saying is you do not need to have a girlfriend, once you get out of college and hone your craft into a career and start establishing a precedent then you will have your pic of the litter when that time comes. Until then, no girlfriends are needed. Trust me they will try to tear you away from your dreams. Follow your dreams and in due time you will reap the benefits.
RedRobin Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 My observation is that the people who find the pick of the litter do so when they are relatively young... They enjoy having the loving support of someone who cares about them. I don't know of a single CEO who isn't married. Mark Zuckerberg just got married. Steve Jobs was married. So is Bill Gates. I believe he's got four kids too. Hardly the picture of the swingin' bachelor. But to your problem OP... no offense... I believe this ship has sailed. I'd suggest finding a better way to manage your outbursts next time. She probably is waiting to see how long it takes for you to have another one. Besides, if you really were upset about something in her past, perhaps it is best if you just move on. It will only become a source of friction for both of you in the future. Sorry...
mortensorchid Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Well, I don't know how desperate this does or doesn't sound, but remember that you made a mistake with her (over something you're not sharing). Whether or not you successfully patch things up, you will always have that between you. I have experienced many things in the past with people, whether it's romantic or work related or friendship or something else, where people take information about you and use it against you. Even something trivial like "my favorite color is blue". Don't believe me? Wait. If I were you, I would acknowledge your mistake, learn from it, then move on from this woman. It will be best for the both of you in the long run.
Recommended Posts