inthought Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 In need of outside opinion and advice. I am 35, have been separated for 8 months after 11yr marriage and have 2 children i see every other weekend. I have been recently re acquainted with a female friend from high school by a mutual friend. She is 36, has 3 kids she splits equally, week on week off, with her ex. She has been separated 11 months. We started texting at first and she told our friend she really enjoyed it. After 3 weeks of this I finally asked if she wanted to get together for dinner or drinks at a local pub. She said "You are more than welcome to come to my place for dinner and drinks. I don't feel comfortable going out in public with men yet because my ex is constantly trying to get back with me. I am trying to play it cool but he just wont get it." I said I didn't want to cause any grief and said her place would be fine. She said "great! I will call you when I get home from work Saturday" She called and said, "A few friends are coming by for a couple drinks too, I hope you don't mind?" I joked around and said "oh Man! Am I gonna be the only guy?" She laughed and said "you'll be fine, they are great girls"... Any way, they were great girls. The 4 of us ate dinner and had some drinks on the deck and talked till 1230am. I could tell they were judging me and sizing me up, which was fine with me. All of a sudden they got up and said they had to leave. I offered to stick around and help clean up a bit and we ended up talking on the couch till 230. I got up to leave and she said, "Its the long weekend, maybe you should spend the night in case you get pulled over? (I had 4 beers in 6hrs) You could sleep on the couch, or in one of the kids beds, or(long pause and long eye contact) in mine." I kissed her on the cheek and was about to say thanks for the offer but should go. When it just felt so right. I ended up saying Thanks maybe you are right, and I asked for a blanket for couch. I followed her upstairs to get one and we got talking again and sat on her bed. The convo got really deep, i had not had a convo like that in a long time, not even with my ex, and she said the same. One thing led to another and I never made it to the couch. We had sex twice that night and I stayed till she had to get ready for work. It seemed so natural and real, like it was meant to be, there was no awkwardness at all for a first time. Later that day I began to feel guilty, thinking it was a mistake to do that as it is not like me at all. I am a LTR kind of guy, get to know you then begin the physical aspect as it progresses. I was worried it was a rebound thing. I sent her a text explaining my feelings and asked where she wanted to go with this. She replied, "I don't think I am ready for any sort of emotional relationship yet, BUT I really DO want to maintain the friendship" Since then we have been talking and texting on an almost daily basis. I asked her to come to a 3 day country music festival in August and she agreed. It will be me and a buddy and her and a friend in the hotel room. I keep getting mixed feelings and signals from her. To all the ladies out there,,, What does she want? and to all the men,,, What do I do? I really like her, we have a lot in common. The only reason we grew apart in the first place was that she went away for school then got married upon her return and we never contacted each other. I dont want to do the wrong thing. I would rather have her as a friend than not at all, but would really like to attempt a relationship. HELP!!!
FitChick Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 Neither of you are divorced so you have a long, hard road ahead of you. Why not enjoy the friend with benefits type of situation for as long as it lasts? You can be each others Transitional Man/Woman. Because her husband still wants her back, she might decide to go back with him after having her fun if he promises to change his ways. Proceed with caution.
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