SunsetRed Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I have a no BS concept of whether or not I bring a guy to my place or esp go to his place. If I'm going out w someone that I recently met and I know in my heart that for whatever reason I just dont want to sleep w him, I dont bring him to my place and I dont want to go to his place (as in coming over to watch a movie) Am I being realistic or closed minded in my view? My view is that there is no need to put myself in an akward situation if I know I dont what to "go there" w someone. Realisitically speaking, it is really hard to go into each others places and not have something physical happen and if I'm considering a new date to be just a buddy to hang out in public with, then I avoid the whole "do ya wanna come over" thing.
Joaquin Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I think you are totally right. If a girl is in my house or I in hers, I expect she wants me to make a move. Why the heck else would we put ourselves in the situation.
kaylan Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Very smart tactic OP. It prevents all of that bs "I didnt expect to sleep with him/her" excuse people always use. If you bring a date to your place or go to theirs, it opens the door for hanky panky, and I wish more adults werent in denial about this. The whole "My going to hang out at their place doesnt mean anything" reasoning is just denial with a side of bullcrap.
oaks Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Very sensible! Plus, in the early stages of getting to know someone, there's also a personal safety issue to be aware of - and having dates in public places goes some of the way towards dealing with that.
phineas Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Very smart tactic OP. It prevents all of that bs "I didnt expect to sleep with him/her" excuse people always use. If you bring a date to your place or go to theirs, it opens the door for hanky panky, and I wish more adults werent in denial about this. The whole "My going to hang out at their place doesnt mean anything" reasoning is just denial with a side of bullcrap. Pretty much if a woman comes to my house 99.9% of the time it's because she wants to sleep with me. Does not matter what she says before hand. It's just an anti-slut defense and allows her to justify it it by saying "it just happened". Because it never takes much to get them going. But I tend not to invite women back to my place until at least a month. But normally THEY suggest a movie at my place sooner than that.
veggirl Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Yeah, I am with ya on that OP. Although on our 3rd date, I asked my now BF if he wanted to come over later that night for a game night with my friends. I didn't even think of sex, it was a total "doh" moment. We had sex but it wasn't my original intention, I just wanted to see him again that day, our date was ending too soon!
Imajerk17 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I see nothing wrong with inviting someone to your place, OR going over to his, if you aren't ready for sex, YET. But if you can't see yourself eventually wanting sex with the person, then don't invite him over or go over his place. In fact, it might be time to have the "let's just be friends" talk. So I think your strategy is smart SunsetRed.
Fondue Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I think that is brilliant. It gives the other person a clear indication of where the relationship is at the moment. You're not gonna be confusing people by going over and having them come over and then not engaging in anything. This is clear and to the point. No reading into or interpretation necessary. I think that's awesome .
mesmerized Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Pretty much if a woman comes to my house 99.9% of the time it's because she wants to sleep with me. Does not matter what she says before hand. It's just an anti-slut defense and allows her to justify it it by saying "it just happened". Because it never takes much to get them going. But I tend not to invite women back to my place until at least a month. But normally THEY suggest a movie at my place sooner than that. And then men say its not easy for them to get sex. I would say its almost as easy ot is for women if not more lol
Author SunsetRed Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 Thanks for the affirmations. I will always abide by my rule that if I know I'm never going to sleep w him then there's no point in either of us going to each other's places at all. I let my last bf come into my place after our 2nd date and we didnt have sex that night, but i knew we would eventually. On the flip side, I've experienced those akward moments where I felt obliged to go thru a quasi make out session and then had to make up excuses as to why I couldnt go further and then had to endure the guy still trying/working to get the lay he thought he was getting. Its easier to just cut the bs and not play games. Also in this economy I want to respect a man's income as well as his time and not lead him on in any way or cause him to invest into something that will never happen.
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