d'Arthez Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I don't understand what you're seeing as assumptions. He is a jock, he doesn't know what I look like, my friend told him nothing about me. So? You are already assuming he is a jock, because of his interests. May I ask you the question: would it be fair to assume that you are just a "geek"? Don't you have any interests that fall outside of the scope of being a geek? What about your political beliefs? Your dreams? There are plenty of aspects about you and your personality that are not captured by the term "geek". Think about that. Posters who have interacted with you for longer than I have would not struggle to mention at least 5 things within a minute that are off about the geek verhrzn. So he does not know what you look like. So? Not all men are as look obsessed as you think they are. But you have already decided that since this human being has a penis he must be look-obsessed. You struggle to contemplate any other belief, and hence you are setting yourself up for disappointment. For a lot of decent men, a woman becomes hot through her character, rather than through her physique. The most important sex organ is the brain, FFS! Should I start a thread of all the pleasant meetings I have had with the "ugly / obese" women I have met in my life? Far more pleasant experiences than unpleasant experiences, unlike the supposedly more desirable models.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 What the heck?? People are always telling me not to waste my time on guys who aren't into me, and to stop chasing guys outside my league, and to have reasonable standards... I actually follow the advice, and don't waste my time on a non-starter, and now it's "I'm not ready for dating" and trying to see the future?? It's coffee with someone who is friends with someone you are friends with. It's not a marriage proposal. If it's really that miserable you can leave in 10 minutes. It's a fairly small investment. 2
Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 What the heck?? People are always telling me not to waste my time on guys who aren't into me, and to stop chasing guys outside my league, and to have reasonable standards... I actually follow the advice, and don't waste my time on a non-starter, and now it's "I'm not ready for dating" and trying to see the future?? Who are these "people" you're referring to? What I meant was you declared yourself for rejection without even getting so much as a hint from the guy (no, his pic does not count), and that's nothing but you thinking the worse without having anything to fall back on other than your mindset. I'm not saying you're not ready for dating, but if you're going to avoid difficult situations because of what "might" happen, then perhaps you're not as ready as you believe you are. That's how I see it. Not wasting your time on an unavailable guy is good. Let go of the league nonsense. This wouldn't have been chasing someone out of your league--it was going to be a blind date with a stranger. Try not to overexaggerate everything so much.
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 What the heck?? People are always telling me not to waste my time on guys who aren't into me, and to stop chasing guys outside my league, and to have reasonable standards... I actually follow the advice, and don't waste my time on a non-starter, and now it's "I'm not ready for dating" and trying to see the future?? Learn the mantra, there is no league, there is no league, there is no league... The sooner you start believing you are just as good as everyone and anyone else, the better off you will be! 2
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Learn the mantra, there is no league, there is no league, there is no league... The sooner you start believing you are just as good as everyone and anyone else, the better off you will be! I'm pretty darn sure ThaW, just had a thread about how people should date their equal, and posters agreed there was, in some fashion, a "league" for people to date. Did I just hallucinate that? Why is everybody suddenly saying there aren't leagues??
Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I think you totally missed the point of his topic. Attraction is very complex and varies among people. Therefore, there's not much of a league you can place this guy in through a picture and the fact that he's a jock or whatever. Aren't you the one usually saying the chubby nerds (AKA your league) have been the ones who hurt you the most? Maybe you need to start looking at other guys. Also, let go of the league nonsense. 2
matte123 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'm pretty darn sure ThaW, just had a thread about how people should date their equal, and posters agreed there was, in some fashion, a "league" for people to date. Did I just hallucinate that? Why is everybody suddenly saying there aren't leagues?? Because people are people. There is not a system where you are restricted to pursue a certain type of person. Plus attraction is complicated like Cracker said. We all have the ability to pursue whoever we may choose to pursue. Having someone return your feelings is another story.
TheFinalWord Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 my friend didn't show the guy my picture! Are you 100% certain about this?
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Are you 100% certain about this? Yeah, that probably is why he canceled. Hey, I said he was out of my league, even if other posters are convinced hot guys are totally into chubby, ugly nerd girls.
TheFinalWord Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Yeah, that probably is why he canceled. Hey, I said he was out of my league, even if other posters are convinced hot guys are totally into chubby, ugly nerd girls. Oh, I didn't see he cancelled! Sorry about that Well, I think nerd girls are smokin' hot! I can't say about ugly since I've never seen your pic, but I don't have an exact body type. There's been more than one "chubby" girl that I thought was nice to gaze upon It all depends on how the girl carries herself.
veggirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Because I didn't want to waste my time with a situation in which I was obviously going to get rejected? That somehow means I'm in no position to date? *Scratches head* Not following your logic here... Nah I agree with you, if you are truly not attractive or whatever and he is truly hot, it would probably have sucked. I agree with you that people usually date around their "league" (for lack of a better word) and the hot guy/girl with an unattractive guy/girl is not that common. I am over the LSers insisting that is absolutely untrue, just like you are. I just think you would assume any guy who is not hideous is out of your league.
veggirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 its those lsuch as you who push this crap on ugly and average people. uh whatever, dude. People usually date around their likeness in looks. That's what I observe, daily. Nothin wrong with being average, or even ugly. For all you know, I'm a hideous troll looking girl. So, relax!
coffee.girl Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Verhrzn. I have been reading your threads for a while and I really feel for you and the difficulties you’re having. I admire the way you point out when people are being hypocritical, and don’t back down from defending your position. You’re obviously intelligent and feisty. But also stubborn. Sometimes I think being ‘right’ is not always the best outcome. What good is being ‘right’, if in the process of establishing this, you’ve pushed everyone away? Some things are worth standing up for, of course, but sometimes haggling over the details doesn’t benefit anybody. I don't really have any advice, but a few observations. They're probably things you already know about yourself. But maybe not. Firstly, I get that 'not wanting to subject yourself' to the date is a self-protection thing. If you pre-empt somebody else’s response, and then not even ‘try’, then yeah, you can’t put yourself out there for rejection. But it seems like you're holding yourself back from the world out of fear. If you keep doing this (not just you... I mean 'you' generally) in your dating life, it inevitably spills over into your other life. Like, for example, ‘Oh, I won’t go for this promotion because there’s no way I’ll get it. I'm not good enough. They'll think I'm stupid for applying.’ (despite being qualified). How many opportunities do you want to pass up on because you’re afraid? Secondly, you've said a couple of times in this thread that you didn't see the point of ‘wasting your time talking to a stranger’ if it wasn't going to lead to something romantic. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think that in a way this mirror's somedude's mindset…. He doesn’t see the point in making friends or chatting to women if it won’t directly accomplish his ultimate goal of landing a cute girl. The most socially accomplished, charismatic, attractive people I know (because yes, their charisma does boost their physical attractiveness) have a fundamental interest in people. They are the kind of people that will strike up a conversation with a stranger, with no subtext or expectations, simply because they are interested in connecting with other human beings. That is a bit extreme (I know I don’t always have the confidence to put myself out there like that), but I think your mindset might be making you very walled off, and people could be picking up on this. If you could practice opening yourself up a bit more, and being a good conversationalist, it will help you develop those skills for when you eventually do meet that guy who ticks all your boxes. I will stop before this turns into a massive essay. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 uh whatever, dude. People usually date around their likeness in looks. That's what I observe, daily. Nothin wrong with being average, or even ugly. For all you know, I'm a hideous troll looking girl. So, relax! People usually date within the ballpark of what they look like yes. A fat short guy is usually not going to end up with a girl who looks like this. Lauren Conrad Bio Biography | Lauren Conrad photos pics pictures But a lot of people specify their 'league' to such a specific range as to be ridiculous. I've seen women walk into a party or look at a photo and know (or think they know) exactly which women they are better than and which ones they are worse than. And of course, they'll do the same thing with guys who are potential love interests. LOL. According to who? That to me, is ridiculous.
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