verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 A co-worker/friend of mine suddenly decided he would set me up with a friend of his. According to my coworker, the guy is very into sports, but is also somewhat of a nerd, is fun, non-judgmental, etc. According to my friend, it's a great match. I've never been set-up before, but I am extremely resistant to this because: my friend didn't show the guy my picture! I've seen his, and he is WAY out of my league. I am horrified at the prospect of showing up for coffee, and being forced to sit through awkward conversation as the guy realizes he has NO physical attraction to me. The whole prospect is humiliating to contemplate. My friend refuses to send the guy my picture, and just keeps insisting that I "trust him." He won't even give me the guy's number, so I can't cancel... I either have to show up, or stand up a stranger like a jerk! What do I do: stand up the guy, or endure the awful rejection?
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 It is just coffee. Life is full of experiences and don't go into looking for a love-match but a potential new friend. Out of our league? Get this concept in your head: There is no "league." There is only the human race and people who complement each other. There is no way to know who complements whom without meeting them. No one person is better than another. Just go and have some coffee and learn about a new person. Leave it at that with no expectations and you'll be fine. 5
zengirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Yes, you should go through with it! I repeat: Aw, why so negative, V? I know it will not end well with your attitude being like that but there is a CHANCE it could go well if you would just maybe hope for the best for once. I mean, he's a cute, sorta nerdy guy who can potentially introduce you to new interests AND came recommended by a friend who also recommended you! AND he didn't ask for a picture which shows looks aren't his top priority and he's not some shallow douchebag and he may be looking for an actual connection -- probably is! How is that bad? 3
matte123 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Trust your friend and go on the date. You don't even know if the guy will reject you and if he does, then he wasn't the one for you. Don't take the rejection too personally.
TigerCub Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Please go. You never know what will happen. This guy could actually be a really great guy to be around. But try not to be nervous or think negative things about yourself. Tell yourself "I am awesome, I'm funny, I'm quirky I'm loveable and I'm a ****in pleasure to be around!" Have fun! 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 I don't really enjoy the prospect of wasting time and enduring awkward conversations. A guy like that is never, ever gonna be into me. He's just not. If by some miracle he saw my picture and was still interested, okay, fine, I'll try it, but he's walking into this completely blind, and it's just not gonna go well. It feels stupid and mean to make us endure a conversation when we could know right from the get-go it's not gonna happen. I have better things to do than waste an hour to confirm yet another guy thinks I'm unattractive. My current tactic is to argue and harass my friend so much he finally calls the thing off in frustration.
ThaWholigan Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Aww, why are you so horrified? I won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I do think you should try and reconsider how you feel about meeting this guy. I am not one for blind dates either personally, but if I were you I would at least approach this with a little bit of excitement. I do completely understand that the prospect of humiliation is very real, but I think it's probably unlikely. I would probably go and try to have fun, and not expect an outcome either way. It could just be a nice fun date! Try and forgo your expectations with regard to this. Difficult, but it could prove fruitful. I would definitely go if I were you and it was a super hot, super brainy girl with the world at her feet I was on a blind date with. Either way, decision is yours .
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I would go. Just think of it as meeting a new person and enjoying half an hour of conversation. If it's more, great. If not, no big deal. Worst case scenario, maybe he has cool, nerdy friends he can introduce you to. By the way, I have had long-term relationships with men I though were more physically attractive than I am. No, they didn't last, but I had a wonderful time for the most part. I wouldn't trade those experiences. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 A guy like that is never, ever gonna be into me. I thought similar about my gorgeous ex. Turns out, he was very into me and ended up moving hundreds of miles to my city to be with me. It didn't work out, but I did have a good 2 1/2 years with him, and I'm glad I did. Take a chance, V. Fortune favors the bold 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Apparently I am just weird, as I don't enjoy the prospect of long conversations with strangers who are in the process of rejecting me. My style is," You've rejected me? Okay, see ya!" Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll stand me up once he sees me, so I don't have to sit there for half an hour thinking how it's yet another rejection, and how I'd much rather be sewing.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Go. Stop being such a worry wart. You got this.
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Go. Stop being such a worry wart. You got this. Rejection and a waste of time? Yeah, I definitely got those. Ugh.
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 AHe won't even give me the guy's number, so I can't cancel... I either have to show up, or stand up a stranger like a jerk! What do I do: stand up the guy, or endure the awful rejection? At least have the courtesy of not screwing up your friendship by being a jerk. Show up and be an honorable person since your friend went through the effort. It is the most courteous thing and polite.
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 At least have the courtesy of not screwing up your friendship by being a jerk. Show up and be an honorable person since your friend went through the effort. It is the most courteous thing and polite. Well that's why I'm hoping I can badger and frustrate him into canceling it FOR me. After all, I didn't ask him to set me up with this guy, he just went ahead and did it. Isn't that kinda jerky, sending your friend into such an awful situation?
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Rejection and a waste of time? Yeah, I definitely got those. Ugh. John Lennon said "time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted". The only person who decides whether or not you'll have fun is you. Go and enjoy yourself. And how do you know it's you who will be rejected? Maybe you'll end up rejecting him. Maybe he's has a horse face or his voice sounds like he inhaled too much helium. You never know, and if you don't go you'll never find out. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Why did you call the thread "Should I Go Through With This Blind Date?" You should have called it "I Am Going To Convince You All Why I Should Not Go Through With This Blind Date". If you are so convinced that you are going to fail, then yeah, don't bother. Because with that attitude, you probably will. It's like you're starting a race with your ankles tied together. I get that. Three years ago, it would have been pointless for me to go on a date because my state of mind was so negative and self-defeating. But now, I go on dates with the attitude that it might be a match, it might not, and it's fine either way. If you're not ready, you're not ready. And that's fine. Just keep working on getting ready. 2
ThaWholigan Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Well that's why I'm hoping I can badger and frustrate him into canceling it FOR me. After all, I didn't ask him to set me up with this guy, he just went ahead and did it. Isn't that kinda jerky, sending your friend into such an awful situation? It's hardly awful, it hasn't even happened yet . Don't let your mind play tricks on you
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Why did you call the thread "Should I Go Through With This Blind Date?" You should have called it "I Am Going To Convince You All Why I Should Not Go Through With This Blind Date". If you are so convinced that you are going to fail, then yeah, don't bother. Because with that attitude, you probably will. It's like you're starting a race with your ankles tied together. Mostly I was hoping people would have suggestions on how to get out of it in a socially graceful way, and ideas on how to convince my friend this was an awful idea. (I mean, not showing the guy my picture. Really. What cruel person would set up a blind date without showing you who your date was first?)
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Mostly I was hoping people would have suggestions on how to get out of it in a socially graceful way, and ideas on how to convince my friend this was an awful idea. (I mean, not showing the guy my picture. Really. What cruel person would set up a blind date without showing you who your date was first?) Be honest. You'd be saying the same thing even if he had showed the guy your picture.
AD1980 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 My god i know im negative with attracting the opposite sex but id never sabotage myself to the point of rejecting a blind date or being set up..i wish my friends set me up but instead set friends up that were good looking ignoring me because they know the women wouldnt be interested in me. You should be grateful! your friend wouldnt do this if he thought you were ugly and had no shot to attract his friend.. Stop getting in your own way 4
iris219 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Go! You always complain that it’s hard to meet single guys, so you better go! It’s just coffee. It’ll be less than an hour of your life. Go with an upbeat attitude and no expectations! Also, I don't necessarily believe this guy is out of your "league" because you way underestimate yourself. You never know what will happen. You might make a new friend, you might have chemistry, or you might never speak to the guy again. Who knows? Why do you care if a total stranger rejects you? He’s nothing to you. You might reject him. That’s the chance you take whenever you go on a date—someone might reject the other. Btw, why is your friend being so controlling? I'd want to talk to the guy before we met at least.
gaius Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Mostly I was hoping people would have suggestions on how to get out of it in a socially graceful way, and ideas on how to convince my friend this was an awful idea. (I mean, not showing the guy my picture. Really. What cruel person would set up a blind date without showing you who your date was first?) Isn't that the blind part of blind date? It's very jerky of your friend to set this up without your consent but you have much to gain and little to lose by going. Even if it doesn't work out with this guy maybe you become friends and end up getting together with someone you meet through him. 1
iris219 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Mostly I was hoping people would have suggestions on how to get out of it in a socially graceful way, and ideas on how to convince my friend this was an awful idea. (I mean, not showing the guy my picture. Really. What cruel person would set up a blind date without showing you who your date was first?) I went on two blind dates that friends set me up on last summer and none of us knew what the other looked like. That's why it's called a BLIND date.
veggirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Geez. If you really don't want to go then don't. Tell your friend "hey I'm not going. Please let Joe know. Thanks."
zengirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I went on two blind dates that friends set me up on last summer and none of us knew what the other looked like. That's why it's called a BLIND date. Right. I've been on true blind dates too --- it's not that bad. Nobody expects much from them, of course, but what's the harm? Even if you guys weren't attracted to each other, you could still have a nice cup of coffee. And maybe he'd think you were cute!
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