Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Just go. You have to give people a chance. You can't analyze someone without even meeting them. Seriously, just do it. You're being your own worst enemy here.
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Whew! The friend is busy all weekend. Crisis averted!
oaks Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 What do I do: stand up the guy, or endure the awful rejection? Delete as applicable: My glass is half full/empty. Why can't you go and meet someone and have a chat about getting to know him? Most blind dates like this probably don't result in romance (so there's no need to come back later and tell us that you told us so) but at least go with an open mind that you might meet a reasonable, decent human being!
Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 This reminds me of the many times where I'd feel a huge sigh of relief whenever I was about to approach a woman, but came up with a "convenient" excuse to avoid it. I'd feel good about not facing rejection, but later, I'd realize that I had the chance to meet a potentially nice woman, then the regret would come over me. My overwhelming fear of what might happen prevented me from making so many positive steps in life and with the opposite sex. I know your friend was busy, but next time you're faced with an opportunity such as this, instead of fretting, you'd be better off thinking of all of the positive that can come from it. If you continue to stay in your bubble, I'm not sure how you'll become a more healthy individual. 2
snug.bunny Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 What do I do: stand up the guy, or endure the awful rejection? Okay, I can see being nervous, but don't stand someone up. If you're certain you are not interested in him romantically, just tell him "I'm not interested in dating". But if it's on the basis that you fear rejection and are not comfortable going on a date at this juncture, you can always continue corresponding with him in a light/friendly manner until you feel a bit more at ease.
veggirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'm glad he was busy. You're obv in no position to be dating Hope you feel more confident and okay next time such a situation arises.
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Why can't you go and meet someone and have a chat about getting to know him? Most blind dates like this probably don't result in romance (so there's no need to come back later and tell us that you told us so) but at least go with an open mind that you might meet a reasonable, decent human being! This seems to be obvious to everyone but me, so I'll go ahead and ask: what is beneficial about confirming that a stranger is nice? Yes it is nice to know that there are decent, reasonable human beings in the world. But why would I need to have coffee with a stranger to confirm that? There is a high likelihood the encounter would end with us confirming, yep, the other person is decent, and then never seeing each other again. So... I just wasted a significant chunk of time confirming that a stranger is nice. How is that beneficial? If the prospect of romance is dead in the water, why the heck am I going on a date?? To make a friend? I don't make friends that fast... Eh, just more confirmation that my social compass is built very differently than all the rest of ya.
oaks Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Whew! The friend is busy all weekend. Crisis averted! I think you meant to type "Aww! The friend is busy all weekend. Chance to meet a cute single guy dashed! I hope we can reschedule soon!" You really should check what you type more carefully before submitting!
d'Arthez Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'm glad he was busy. You're obv in no position to be dating Hope you feel more confident and okay next time such a situation arises. I agree completely. If you feel that bad about yourself, that you are actively looking for reasons why things will not work out before you have even met the guy, then you should not be dating. I really hope for your sake that you can come to accept yourself for who you are, not for who you currently think you are. Even, if the date had not worked out as your friend imagined, you could have gained a new friend, which would have been useful in gaining a better understanding of yourself, and your thinking patterns. 1
oaks Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 This seems to be obvious to everyone but me, so I'll go ahead and ask: what is beneficial about confirming that a stranger is nice? Because once you get to know him he isn't a nice stranger, but instead a nice friend. I sense that you'd rather be single. Am I close?
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 I'm glad he was busy. You're obv in no position to be dating Hope you feel more confident and okay next time such a situation arises. Because I didn't want to waste my time with a situation in which I was obviously going to get rejected? That somehow means I'm in no position to date? *Scratches head* Not following your logic here...
Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 You're all over the place sometimes... And you weren't obviously going to get rejected. That's something your mind already made up, without any reason other than your own unhealthy mindset. 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Because once you get to know him he isn't a nice stranger, but instead a nice friend. I sense that you'd rather be single. Am I close? No. I just don't wanna deal with obvious rejection. And he would have kept being a stranger. I just don't operate that way socially, in which I meet a person once and they become a friend. I've had to run into someone 2 or 3 times before I begin building the "friend" bridge. That's just how it works for me. So, one coffee does not a friend make. You're all over the place sometimes... And you weren't obviously going to get rejected. That's something your mind already made up, without any reason other than your own unhealthy mindset. The guy didn't know what I looked like, he's a jock, and my friend told him almost nothing about me except "This chick is cool, have coffee with her." Yeah, I guess you could say there was a 0.01% chance it'd go well and he'd like me, but that's pretty slim betting odds that I don't care to gamble my self-esteem on.
d'Arthez Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 So, one coffee does not a friend make. One coffee does not make a boyfriend either. One **** does not make a boyfriend either. Where do you draw your boundaries, in forming friendships and relationships in particular? The guy didn't know what I looked like, he's a jock, and my friend told him almost nothing about me except "This chick is cool, have coffee with her." That is what you imagine. You are making a lot of assumptions, if we can go by the info you have posted in this thread.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 What, in all honesty, is the worst thing that could possibly happen if you were to go? Aside from him kidnapping you and shipping you to Somalia as a slave...or using your bones as wind chimes. Which, I'm pretty sure are both highly unlikely outcomes.
oaks Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) No. I just don't wanna deal with obvious rejection. Not "obvious" at all. Sure, that might happen, and it's even the probable outcome. Even put any of us positive folk there and the odds of romance coming from a blind date are still low, so with your negativity... well... but still not "obvious". The problem with this way of thinking, given that most first dates don't result in second dates even for those of us who get a score of 9.9 on hotornot, is that you never have the first date that does go somewhere. And he would have kept being a stranger. I just don't operate that way socially, in which I meet a person once and they become a friend. I've had to run into someone 2 or 3 times before I begin building the "friend" bridge. That's just how it works for me. So, one coffee does not a friend make. Oh, that's totally normal. I'd have to meet someone several times before starting to think of them as a friend... but it doesn't happen if I never meet them that first time! Edited May 25, 2012 by oaks typo
Openminded Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Everyone is unique in their own way, not every guy wants to date a barbie doll.Have you ever considered the fact that this person you FEEL thats way out of you league, may not be to your liking, you are just as important a person here, what he likes is his problem, if nothing works out you no worse than where you started
Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 The guy didn't know what I looked like, he's a jock, and my friend told him almost nothing about me except "This chick is cool, have coffee with her." Yeah, I guess you could say there was a 0.01% chance it'd go well and he'd like me, but that's pretty slim betting odds that I don't care to gamble my self-esteem on. Yeah, but this doesn't invalidate anything I've said. No matter what BS percentages you want to throw into it. Your self-esteem is already pretty low, so if you're going to be active in the dating world, your self-esteem will always be on the line if you think the way you think. You need to take more chances in life.
westrock Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 No. I just don't wanna deal with obvious rejection. What may not be so obvious to you is that in the process you have rejected yourself. Blind dates are not for everyone. If you don't feel comfortable going on a blind date, then it's better not to go. But at the same time, you are judging this guy by assuming he will reject you without really knowing what he thinks. Just because you would reject yourself doesn't mean he would necessarily reject you.
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 One coffee does not make a boyfriend either. One **** does not make a boyfriend either. Where do you draw your boundaries' date=' in forming friendships and relationships in particular? [/quote'] Didn't say it would make a boyfriend, but it certainly isn't going to make a friend, as there would be no reason for us to contact one another again. How many people go on dates to make friends, truly and honestly? So if we're not gonna be friends, since neither of us will contact the other again, and we're not romantic, then it really is just half an hour to confirm, hey, this human being exists and is nice. That is what you imagine. You are making a lot of assumptions, if we can go by the info you have posted in this thread. I don't understand what you're seeing as assumptions. He is a jock, he doesn't know what I look like, my friend told him nothing about me. What, in all honesty, is the worst thing that could possibly happen if you were to go? Him taking one look at me, making a face, and fleeing. Or, heck, staying in an effort to be polite, so we make forced, awkward conversation as he texts someone else under the table. Come on, there are hundreds of threads on this site from male posters about how AWFUL it was being on a date with a fat/ugly woman they met online. I never want to be one of those girls.
ThaWholigan Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 This reminds me of the many times where I'd feel a huge sigh of relief whenever I was about to approach a woman, but came up with a "convenient" excuse to avoid it. I'd feel good about not facing rejection, but later, I'd realize that I had the chance to meet a potentially nice woman, then the regret would come over me. My overwhelming fear of what might happen prevented me from making so many positive steps in life and with the opposite sex. I know your friend was busy, but next time you're faced with an opportunity such as this, instead of fretting, you'd be better off thinking of all of the positive that can come from it. If you continue to stay in your bubble, I'm not sure how you'll become a more healthy individual. this happened to me today
Cracker Jack Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) It happened to me yesterday, TW. The girl was at work, and was literally 4 yards away from me. She always would smile at me and stuff, and I just wanted to make her day and tell her I thought she was beautiful, but I became a p**sy, got my stuff and left. I actually laughed on my way home about it. It's all good. We all have minor setbacks. The key is to simply not allow it to become a continuous part of your life. I'm sure you'll be good. Now verhzn, she needs to stop acting like she has the power to see the future or something. She'd be surprised at how much progress she could make if she stopped tripping over her own shoelaces. I mean, it's like she always tries so hard to go against the grain, and really, it does nothing but hurt her more than help. Edited May 25, 2012 by Cracker Jack
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Him taking one look at me, making a face, and fleeing. Or, heck, staying in an effort to be polite, so we make forced, awkward conversation as he texts someone else under the table. Come on, there are hundreds of threads on this site from male posters about how AWFUL it was being on a date with a fat/ugly woman they met online. I never want to be one of those girls. Anyone with those kinds of manners is not someone I'd want to date, nor should it be someone you'd want to be "good enough" for. If he acted like that, it says more about him than it does about you. Why get upset at how a (potentially) ignorant jerk, might act? Stop being so negative. 1
Author verhrzn Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Now verhzn, she needs to stop acting like she has the power to see the future or something. She'd be surprised at how much progress she could make if she stopped tripping over her own shoelaces. I mean, it's like she always tries so hard to go against the grain, and really, it does nothing but hurt her more than help. What the heck?? People are always telling me not to waste my time on guys who aren't into me, and to stop chasing guys outside my league, and to have reasonable standards... I actually follow the advice, and don't waste my time on a non-starter, and now it's "I'm not ready for dating" and trying to see the future??
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