Drive Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Hi everyone, I been doing a bit of reading here over the last few days which has helped a bit but I would like some input on what to do. I apologize for the rambling. Well for starters, my girlfriend of two years decided to break up with me on the phone a week ago (I wish it was in person but it of been very hard for her as I could hear her weeping). We are both 27. This relationship was my first serious one so I didn't really know what I wanted in a relationship. Everything had been a learning curve for me. My ex has been in a few long term relationships and already knows what she wants. She is already in a good financial position career wise and looking for a life partner. The most important thing she wanted in a relationship was someone who is can communicate and talk to her. She is known to speak her mind and not afraid to be blunt about subjects. For me, I can be talkative but I am more of a listener. We were friends beforehand then suddenly we both fell for each other and started this relationship. From the start until last December(2011), communication between the both of us was absolutely solid. We could talk about anything and felt a real connection. In December, She got upset with me as I kept repeating the same stories to her on the more daily basis (same work issues and rants) as well as twisting up my own words (Misunderstanding). Her tone of voice started to sound sarcastic and from that point on, I slowly closed myself off more and more. It wasn't that bad until maybe in March when it went downhill. Our conversations went from deep conversations to one word responses. She would try her best to talk to me but I just kept distancing myself from her. I didn't tell her that I was suffering from reoccurring depression due to post concussion symptoms. It was like her talking to wall. Every time I called her, it was the usual "Hows your day", "What did you do?", and "Good night" which now I learned isn't what communication is about. In early April, she asked me what was wrong as I had been very down on myself which she mentioned what can be done to help communicate with her again. In order for relationships to work, we had to talk about everything. I said that I would work on this. I did call her and text more often but the conversations were still limited. I wasn't expressing my true emotions and feelings. I was not doing my part in changing. She had injured her back at work last week. I was working most of the day so I didn't get get a chance to call her. I text her to let her know if she was okay and wished her a speedy recovery but nothing more than that. I called her the next afternoon to check up on her but she didn't pick up. I didn't leave a voice message. When she called me back, she was very upset and asked me if I really thought she was okay? This is where she started to say that she isn't happy in this relationship. Her priority was communication and there wasn't much for us (especially during the last six months). I asked for another chance but she said no. She mentioned that she needs somebody that she can talk with and I need a girl who talks less. I was absolutely speechless at this time. I wanted to say all the things that I should of expressed over the last little while but didn't. It almost seemed like she checked out of the relationship already. I told her that I won't be calling her anymore which she said I could. We both said goodbyes that was the end of our relationship. I know I messed up big time on my end. If only I had been more open with her, this relationship could have continued. I miss her like crazy. I haven't ate much over the last few days. I only manage to get about three hours of sleep each night. I packed all her belongings in a box in hopes to give it to her. i also got put aside in a box of all the valuables that reminded me of her. I have been trying this "No contact" which has been very tough. I been trying to occupy my time by hanging out with friends and sporting activities but I still feel pain. This break up was a wake up call for me. I know I have to be better communicator as well as listener. I have express my thoughts more. This gives me the motivation to change. After reading online, I have a better understanding what is communication and how to work on these arenas which has giving me some good advice. I wished I looked that up when we had that talk in April. I want her back but I don't know if she will take me back (Maybe in the future?) but right now I am going to spend some time working on the problems first. Can this issue be solved or is it a lost cause and best to move on? Thanks, J
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