Justunlucky Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Hi, I'm new here and looking for some advice on how to proceed with a new relationship I'm in. I met a lovely guy online at the end of Feb and we have been seeing each other since then. We see each other around once or twice a week - he lives and works near me during the week and goes home at weekends to see his daughter. He is separated from his wife and has been for 18 months. There hasn't been a day since we met where we haven't spoken either via text email message or call, almost always he will initiate contact, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He asks how my day is going, offers support if it's a tough day and says he is looking forward to seeing me next. As he is at home every weekend, finding time to see each other with busy work demands can be difficult but we manage it ok. We either have dinner out or cook for each other and have a glass of wine and spend the evening talking, laughing and relaxing with each other. It has progressed to a fully physical relationship and did so fairly quickly, such was the strong attraction. He is very gentle and a very unselfish lover and that side of things is wonderful. My concerns are that I now find myself falling for him yet I don't know how he feels about me. He doesn't really talk about feelings or emotions which clashes with my naturally expressive nature, hence my confusion about how to proceed. I have separated from my husband for over a year, he from his wife about 18 months. Is is my first relationship since separating and I feel very very rusty. The whole dating/ relationship thing has changed so much and I feel unsure about how to proceed. I can see potential in this relationship, but am wary of saying how I feel, lest I scare him away. We both agreed that our children don't need to know anything, but I have brought up having dinner with one of my colleagues and was met with neither a positive or negative response. I confided in this close colleague about our relationship and when I told him, using the term my boyfriend I wasn't corrected by him. I think of him as that. We haven't talked about exclusivity - again for me it's just been an assumption on my part. We never part without our next date planned and its only a few hours before he will message me saying he had a great night and enjoyed being with me. Am I making a mountain out of molehill? Am I rushing things? I'd really welcome any thoughts or advice......thank you. Jen
darkmoon Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) i am a woman who has found that our full-on declarations of love (three or four in my case) can scare a man, instead you could say "i think i love you" and see what he says or what's in his eyes, but do not bare your soul to him. i think you are risking losing him either way and that you should watch how he acts, and be schtum. Edited May 25, 2012 by darkmoon
Author Justunlucky Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Thanks for your thoughts, I definately am not at the stage of making declarations, that much i do know......i think im just sorting through stuff in my head, and trying to figure out what his feeling, if any, is about me......in as much as i am not about to declare love, i think the time is coming where i need to know where we're going.... Watching him.....and the way he acts, well so far, he's tactile, he's attentive, lots of eye contact, listens actively and responds.....all good signs i think!
Alexanda Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Hmmmm...I don't think you should have slept with him so soon. You two havent even talked about exclusivity. How do you know he isn't seeing someone else too? Do you know that he is actually going to divorce his wife and that he isnt doing anything during the weekends with his wife? Did you two talk about what you want as far as a relationship? Just a fling? Something casual? FWB?
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