robaday Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Just got out of toxic relationship. There was abuse both verbal and physical (from her once). Sex was amazing, drama was horrific. We were both two deeply insecure people, thriving on pushing each other further and further. Guess what Im asking is, why do I miss that horrible stress? I dont miss her, but Ive got an empty hole, which is gasping for more drama. Does this relate to anyone?
dsw31 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) Not only do I relate.... I live & breathe toxicity I don't tolerate physical abuse but emotional abuse is thrilling Edited May 25, 2012 by dsw31
Downtown Posted May 27, 2012 Posted May 27, 2012 (edited) Just got out of toxic relationship. There was abuse both verbal and physical (from her once). Sex was amazing, drama was horrific. Guess what Im asking is, why do I miss that horrible stress?Rob, as we discussed on April 14-15 in your http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/322015-crazy-times thread, you've been describing a woman who exhibits strong BPD traits. If your description is accurate, she can flip-flop in ten seconds from adoring you to hating you -- and then flip back just as quickly several days later. Significantly, this type of behavior -- akin to alternating between heroine highs and heroine withdrawal -- can quickly become very addictive. You are especially vulnerable to being drawn into such a toxic relationship because, like her, you have a fragile sense of who you are -- leaving you with a feeling of emptiness and not knowing for sure who you are. Not surprisingly, having drama in your life serves to distract you from that feeling of pain and emptiness.I dont miss her, but Ive got an empty hole, which is gasping for more drama.I tried to address this issue in my first post (4/14) in your "Crazy Times" thread. As I described there, the push-pull drama of a BPDer likely serves two purposes: (1) filling the empty void (or, at least, providing a distraction) during the pull-you-in phase and (2) giving you "mini-vacations" every few weeks from the intimacy (which you can handle only in small doses) during her "push-you-away" phase. This, at least, is my understanding of what you may be experiencing. I believe you could profit from discussing this issue with a clinical psychologist to obtain a professional opinion on what it is you are dealing with. Edited May 27, 2012 by Downtown
talespinner77 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I hear you there, I have a massive need for drama. I think for me it stems from my childhood, it was always chaotic, always fighting in my home and instability, so now sadly I don't feel in love with out it. If I dont get that high in a relationship I walk cause well if its healthy its boring. BUT I realized this so it can be changed. What you are experiencing is withdrawl, no different than any other drug, its withdrawl. You crave it, you get high off it, and now that you dont have it you feel empty. You need to take the time to think very hard on this and try to understand that its a deep seeded thing you have yet to look at within yourself. Take some time to look at your past and your life and see if you can spot patterns that make your current lover familiar to you. I hope this helps, I RIGHT NOW am going through withdrawl, its horrific, it sucks but it can be overcome.
SerCay Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Just got out of toxic relationship. There was abuse both verbal and physical (from her once). Sex was amazing, drama was horrific. We were both two deeply insecure people, thriving on pushing each other further and further. Guess what Im asking is, why do I miss that horrible stress? I dont miss her, but Ive got an empty hole, which is gasping for more drama. Does this relate to anyone? I relate yes..After my last relationship ended 2 months ago I started researching why I always loved the drama in my relationships so much.. I could go on like that in relationships without wanting to get out! Like craving the drama where most people would run away from it. To me it felt like ''real love'' Then I found out it's typical love addiction/co-dependency behaviour. Do some research if you relate to loving the drama. Withdrawal is aweful honestly I'm there now
M30USA Posted July 27, 2012 Posted July 27, 2012 I can hear Lady GaGa's "Bad Romance" playing in the background...
Forever Silent Posted July 28, 2012 Posted July 28, 2012 Just got out of toxic relationship. There was abuse both verbal and physical (from her once). Sex was amazing, drama was horrific. We were both two deeply insecure people, thriving on pushing each other further and further. Guess what Im asking is, why do I miss that horrible stress? I dont miss her, but Ive got an empty hole, which is gasping for more drama. Does this relate to anyone? Man, that is not healthy. Well I will advise therapy my friend. You are inviting trouble in your life, and if you would like to accomplish something during your time on Earth, you need to have your priorities straight. Bad relationships are a waste of time no matter how good the sex is. If you want good sex purchase an escort. Great Sex minus the attachment, and you get the naughty feeling because it is looked down upon by society.
M30USA Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 How don't care how great the sex is, it's never ever worth being in a toxic relationship.
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