My story

[thavens10]

Hi everyone. I just registered on this site, so I appreciate anyone reading my post and/or offering me advice. I apologize in advance for the length.

 

I was dating this girl for about a year and a half. I was completely in love with her, to the point of we had real talks about getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. We hit a rough patch in December (after over a year together) and she dumped me but claimed she wanted to remain friends (the usual stuff). After about a month of talking regularly (I was hurt but I didn't hate her), we decided to give the relationship another shot. We picked things up like we were never apart.

 

Since she is a college student and I had already graduated from college, we usually only got to spend time together on weekends. She is an RA for her college, so sometimes I wouldn't get to spend time with her b/c she would be on duty the entire weekend.

 

Easter weekend she was on duty but still wanted me to come up. I suggested that I wait to come see her until Saturday rather than Friday since I would mainly be waiting around while she did rounds, wrote other students up for violations, etc. As of that Saturday afternoon, communication was normal and things seemed fine.

 

Then that evening I texted her several times asking what time I should come up. No response. I tried contacting her several times on Easter Sunday too. No response. But after creeping on Facebook, I saw that she had posted some trivial things on her page like "Happy Jesus Zombie Day" and other harmless things.

 

I spent most of Easter Sunday upset and crying. I realized that the only other time she had "gone cold" like this was the previous December when she was preparing to break up with me. So I figured I had no choice but to end the relationship before she did, and I did so the next day.

 

I kept extending "olive branches" to her just in case she wanted to "clear the air" regardless of whether or not it meant a reconciliation. I didn't hear from her for another week and a half. In the meantime I started casually dating a girl I had met recently, but I let the new girl know my situation and how I couldn't promise her anything.

 

I finally heard from my now-ex gf. She called me around 3 a.m. crying, acting apologetic. We talked. I showed concern but for the most part maintained an underlying tone that got across the point that I love her and want things to work, but that I won't go along if I'm going to be treated like nothing. The conversation ended with both of us having intent to try again, and we both said "I love you".

 

Over the next few days, I would text her once or twice a day (I knew she would be busy finishing up end-of-semester assignments and studying for final exams). For the first two days after, she would respond to my texts, and everything seemed fine. But then I stopped hearing from her again. I would never send more that three texts a day, and a few times I called her but she didn't pick up or return my calls.

 

I finally stopped "playing nice" and took a jab at her on Facebook. Nothing major, but just a comment noting that I am sick of these games and her flip-flopping mindset. She would only see it if she were to intentionally creep on my page, as I de-friended her after I broke things off.

 

I never heard from her, but my comment got me into a little e-mail argument with her mother, which I tried to end in a respectful manner.

 

Here I am a month after this all happened. Inever heard another word from my ex gf. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but I never visit her Facebook page, I deleted her contact information, and I have filed away all the blatant reminders of her. Her semester has since ended, and now I have no idea where she is. She could be home in Maine, she could have paid to stay at her college for the summer, or she could be doing a field period somewhere.

 

I figured it would be a relief to me not knowing where she is or what she is up to. But I am still very torn on the inside: angry for how she treated me, hurt that I may never see or hear from her again, and utterly confused as to how she patched things up just to permanently stonewall me again.

 

Things are going well with the new girl, and I have told her that I need time to heal before I can commit to anything, and she understands this. But each day is a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I want to contact her and chew her out for what she put me through. Other times I can't sleep and I want to contact her and tell her how much I still love her. I watched that movie "The Town" with Ben Affleck on tv this morning, and the sad music from that movie just made me break down crying. We used to watch that movie together, and when I hear that music I long for her worse than Ben Affleck longs for Rebecca Hall in the movie (but at least she still wants him).

 

I'll admit that I have somehow resisted all urges to contact her, visit her FB page, etc.

 

It still hurts a lot, and I am dumbfounded as to how things just ended with her not saying anything. I do know that she recently stopped taking her bi-polar medication so that may have played a part, but it's of no comfort. I know there is virtually no way for a break-up to not hurt someone, but I thought she and I had something good, something that wouldn't have ended in such a careless manner.

 

Thank you to anyone who reads this. It felt good to get it out. Any support, advice, and/or coping suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

-Tim

[thavens10]

Please. Does anyone have any advice? I really need it right now. I thought I was past the worst of it, but I have been breaking down lately.

[thavens10]

Thank you Red Mercury. I had a little trouble following some of what you said, but thank you for your input.

 

Does anyone else have any advice for me?

 

Thank you everyone, and I'm sorry if I sound overly needy. I'm just in a very difficult place right now

[g450]

You said: "I figured it would be a relief to me not knowing where she is or what she is up to."

 

It will in fact bring you relief. But it wont if you keep playing games with her. She wants you to play and you are taking her bait.

 

Leave her alone and find somebody that respects you. That's all you really have to do. Go NC and ignore her. Concentrate on your own life rather than her drama.

[thavens10]

Thank you g450. I feel very appreciative toward anyone who takes the time to offer me advice. I know that everyone on this site has/had their own relationship problems, and that as tough as it is to admit, I know that my story/experience probably sounds like "same old same old". But thank you everyone. Further comments are certainly welcome as I continue recovering from this emotional blow.

[g450]

NP.

 

Most of us have been there and done that. And we do realize that at first it's hard to see things for what they really are. Even I was in denial for almost a year. It was a wasted year of my life that I will never get back.

 

Learn from our mistakes.