chloejade Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Hi everyone- thanks for reading this post. I dated a man that I loved very much for over a year. It was a very shaky relationship, and looking back at it, I feel quite stupid. I met this man at a time when he needed help, and I was there to give it to him. I am an intelligent, well educated, independent 26 year old female, and I take good care of myself and am generally considered good looking. My ex would often tell me he loved me and that he wasn't interested in being with other females. He often told me how valuable I was to his life and that I was a big influence to him. At 23, he is uneducated, unemployed and in pretty bad shape financially. To this day, I do not understand what drew me to him and what continues to keep him in my head. He played awful mind games, and I, like a fool, fell for them despite the best wishes of my family and friends. At the end of our relationship, I discovered that he not only cheated on me with multiple women, and convinced me I was crazy, but he also convinced others I was as well. The worst part is that he also had another girlfriend who only recently turned 19 and is perhaps the exact opposite of myself. I feel EXTREMELY hurt and betrayed a couple of months later. Not a day goes by that I'm not angry or sad. He has made no attempt to regain contact, and neither have I. So many things go through my head like if he ever thinks of me and how he could possibly leave me for a teenager. Its extremely hurtful and I'm not sure how to cope. I'm embarassed and wish to understand even one percent of the situation. Thank you for any input.
mesmerized Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 What's there to understand? He's a scumbag...Cheaters are not a new phenomena. I think what you need to understand is what made you like such a guy with low qualities in the first place. That will probably help you more in future rather than trying to figure out why someone has low morals.
Author chloejade Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 What's there to understand? He's a scumbag... Thanks mesmerized, you're right, he is a scumbag and a real douche. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why he chose this girl over me (I am very much aware of how lucky I am in the long run) and I'm hoping this hurt goes away soon. I find myself constantly jealous and on my toes that I'm going to see them together.
mesmerized Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 What's there to understand? He's a scumbag... Thanks mesmerized, you're right, he is a scumbag and a real douche. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why he chose this girl over me (I am very much aware of how lucky I am in the long run) and I'm hoping this hurt goes away soon. I find myself constantly jealous and on my toes that I'm going to see them together. He will cheat on that girl too, trust me on this. And if he was with both of you at the same time, in fact he already did! If you find yourself constantly jealous then that means you have some insecurity issues you have to deal with. Those issues are probably the reason you went after a guy with no education, job and personality in the first place.. 2
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 so you're 26 years and went after a 23 year old guy who is unemployed and a total loser, how is this possible? Jesus, I'm afraid to ask out my 24 year old hairstylist because of the difference in our age and you're dating a guy 3 years younger who doesn't even have anything going for him. How does this stuff not happen to me?
udolipixie Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 On being embarrassed try to reason why if it's because you were left for someone else or were cheated likely the embarrassment stems from viewing yourself as not being good enough or fooled. On understanding the situation he was a manipulator who cheated. Probably best suited to attempt to reason what drew you to him so you can limit the likelihood of this reoccuring. As well as take into consideration the best wishes of your family and friends. My input is don't consider it of any significance when a guy that isn't family says he loves you and do consider it a lie when a guy says he isn't interested in being with other gals. It's general washaway advice that has worked out splendidly for some gals I know.
kaylan Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) Well i woudlnt let the other girls age both you. Sure shes a young kid, but they have the same age gap you two did. Look at your situation this way...hes with a girl the complete opposite of you right? Well let him have her...werent you the complete opposite of him? So let them have each other and be losers together. Why did you ever date him? Tell me that. Im assuming the physical attraction had a great deal to do with why you let him slide of the things he didnt have in common with you (no job, no education, which means very different life goals) And if it wasnt the physical attraction, Im wondering just how much your personalities clicked and how you got fooled by his games and cheating. Because from the sounds of it, how much did you guys really click? I couldnt click with a girl who had no life direction and lived like a loser...but maybe you saw a diamond in the rough. Youll be ok in time though. You need to date men more like yourself next time....not losers who are going nowhere in life. PS - Id ignore the above poster in regards to what she said about men and love. Plenty of men are telling the truth when they say they love a woman. And plenty of guys mean it when they say they only want that one girl and no one else. Ive been there twice myself. Edited May 24, 2012 by kaylan
Recommended Posts