Leigh 87 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 .. WHat is it like to be in love, V.S " loving" a women? Can some experiences guys and girls please list the differences they have felt between being in love and simply " loving" a person? What brought this about, was a very clever and knowledgabe poster on here, has been talking with me, telling me that surely my boyfriend is not in love with me, because we have a couple of 3 somes. So, guys - Guys that have EXPERIENCE with the matter only, please ---> what has been the obvious differences between being in love, and merely loving a girl. To re - hash my history - I had a couple of 3 somes with my boyfriend, that were mutually carried out - we both got equal fulfillment out of them. I was the one who instigated them, out of curiosity and my known enjoyment from them ( a fettish for seeing a guy I love and am immensely attracted to, with another girl) I am a worthy girl, who does not need to pander to any guys needs in order to " keep" them... I made it clear to my boyfriend that it is a " fun thing'' and NOT something " he needs" in order to stay in a long term relationship with me. My boyfriend would have happily gone without any such 3 somes. I personally believe that a guy can have some harmless fun with a 3 some, whilst still falling in love with a girl and being in love with a girl. Not many guys, perhaps - but some guys can really separate between sex and actual intimacy and desire. My boyfriend shows and treats me like he is in love with me, and he swears on his life that he is utterly in love with me: would never cheat on me: does not desire to cheat and have other women: that the 3 somes were just harmless fun he did not need but still enjoyed as a one off thing if need be: that I do not need to have 3 somes with him ever again just to "keep him": We spend all our free time together, with the once a week day to our own friends, for our own healthy time apart ( a guys night with football and beer for him) We are happiest when we are together although we are very independant people and do not and never have NEEDED a relationship.. we got a funny feeling about each other before we even met ( talked online randomly when I was on a friend making site when I moved to a new town) We felt strange electricity and something strange from just talking initially, before we even knew each other; we felt something special was there, like we were supposed to be together. We both believe we are in love, and want to spend our lives together, and naturally plan our future together. We are both extremely happy together, and I am at a loss as to why a guy cannot be in love with me, simply because of one or two 3 somes, that happened by chance, that neither of us want or need again. Posters here have seen some bad news, regarding my relationship -let me clarify, that was down to both of US b eing bad people, as individuals - yes we have faults, but for the furtherment of our relationship, we decided to use immense strength of character and get over some proufound, normally deal - breaking issues ( namely, me not being ready for any relationship, and him being incredibly immature and inexperienced, and selfish by nature) We were in bad circumstances to begin a serious relationship, and pushed passed some major red flags for most people - but it was because of our own characters, not due to lack of love and respect towards each other as people, o rnot being " into each other" enough.... So............... It scares me, that my boyfriend and I act totally into each other and in love - and yet people I have not even met, assume the worst - that he is not in love with me. Neither of us can fathom life without one another! Because we are all about each other, in life. here are some possible signs for me, that I am in love and do not just love my boyfriend and vise versa: - Our lives centre around one another - we are not needy and have never needed nor do we need a relationship - we feel like one person ( out own lives and people, but funtioning asd a unit, ugh that sounds so corny/gay/lame) - naturally walk into the future together - we are not just " quiet happy" " indifferent" " merely satisfied" ' would rather be with a mediocore partner than be single" ! We are UNBELIEVABLY, head over heals, HAPPY in our relationship! We believe in being totally ccrazy about a person, or NOT BOTHERING AT ALL. - have thought a lot about marriage and feel it will happen soon enough - do not want other people ( LOL, the way some guys or girls claim to love their partners, yet want to have sex with and be with other people sexually, and do it multiple times!). ......................................................... although, I think people CAn be in love and cheat, if they are just bad people with weakness int heir characters, and have a very selfish streak.. Yet this is another topic of discussion. ... come one, is it REALLY easy to be blissfully happy with your partner, be totally into each other, and yet NOT be "in love" with them? Isn't the ' I love you but not in love with you bullsh8t, normally reserved for couples where: both or ONE partner is either indifferent or only " satisfied" with the realtionship, not blown away at all, but merely " happy enough"... so they stay together due to attachment, and/or convennience amd/or iti s better than being single? Lastly - what I have with my boyfriend is worth any risk of breaking up, because our lives are so enriched with each others presence. We will certainly both remember each other and have a very special thing, should we not work out.
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 My boyfriend has asked me to not talk about my relationship on here anymore - he sais he loves me a great deal, and it really hurts him when I go asking other peoples opinions. So, can people please just answer: what has their experiences been ith loving someone, v.s being in love?
snug.bunny Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Being In Love = Being in love is a chain reaction of your brain chemistry, your brain undergoes intense changes which encompass a very strong sense of attraction towards another person (romance/passion/lust/sexual attraction). Love = Is wanting the absolute best for someone. Having his/her best interest at heart. Loyalty. Endurance. Love continues to, evolve... How this all ties into your current relationship, I really am not sure. I do not have experience with threesomes and/or open relationships so I feel that is on a whole other level that I have no understanding of. You both obviously enjoy the lifestyle, mutually, are happy with it so it works for you. 2
CarrieT Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Leigh, have you started counseling yet? You've been promising to for some time...
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 Carrie T - I am waiting for my appointment. It is in about a week, and I will have regular ones from there on. I think we will start Cognitive B T...... Ultimately, I am extremely happy in my relationship, and the feeling is mutual... whatever happens, at least we are having a thrilling time together, an every aspect you could imagine. I am not worried about my own relationship, I am just very, very fascinated, about the love and in love conversation.. I know it is obvious when a guy is NOT into a girl, but cannot be bothere leaving until he finds gthe right girl.. I think there are people who really really are happy together, like me and my partner, who may not be in love, but pocess the makings of an absolutely loving relationship. By the way, Carry T - 3 somes or anything of that nature is not in our thoughts at all anymore. It seams it was a random occurance, not something we desire or think about. It just made sense, to be able to have your relationship, and have meaningless sex.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Why are you posting about your relationship here again when your bf has asked you not to? You know, you can simply ask questions like "what is the difference between loving someone and being in love with them" without rehashing all of the details of your threesomes, etc. LoveShack is full of regulars, and most of us are familiar with that stuff already. You can even ask for advice more specifically about your relationship without sharing all kinds of intimate details, which really belong more between the two of you, IMO. It seems that you are asking here why people believe your bf can't be in love with you because you had threesomes. Is that right? Well, everybody has their opinions, but I'm pretty sure that none of us can really truly tell you how your boyfriend feels about you or anything else. That would be between the two of you, too. Take care. I hope you will share about your counseling with us from time to time. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Thanks for posting, Chcer - I re hash about my 3 somes, because I think some people have the wrong idea - that he pressured me, that he ants to f*ck other girls, etc... when it was merely a randim occurance that we mutually enjoyed. Not something we need again necessarily. I need help on this matter - I am scared he is not in love with me. We are both f*cking attached, and love one another as much as our own parents. We would feel extremely distressed without one another. My boyfriend and I are extremely attached, and because of a PM a very knowledgable poster sent me, I am now REALLY CONCERNED. My boyfriend swears he is in love with me, and yet has had no other experience of it, so how would he know? He just swears black and blue that he KNOWS how he feels, and it is in love and not merely " love" towards me. He said the 3 somes were just random fun, that it is not something he needs at all. He also swears that he does not want other girls, and if he had urges to cheat he would tell me, because he has integrity. Yet, I have described my situation to someone very knowledgable, and he is adamant that we are not in love. He maintains that it is not possible for a man in love, to have sex in front of his girlfriend. I KNOW it is very RARE that two people who are so close, to be able to mutually carry something of this nature OUT - however, it was just natural for us. Neither of us are/were concerned we would have a 3 some, and then want other people more and more... we don't. It was a one off random thing that was fun, not something we need in order to be interested in a long term relationship. We have so much fun together in our sex life to even think about having to spice it up. We both feel very lost without each other,yet I have been told that it cannot possible be true love. Fair enough - but that sucks. I do know that, for NOW, we are both best suited for one another. We are constantly happy, very loving and adoring of one another, and just FAR too happy to just break up and go " no contact".... We are each others everything, and feel like the two of us are the one person and all that corny sh*t that sounds really bad. It just sucks. To know that there is some stupid divide between love and in love, and that, APPARENTLY, one day when his feelings catch up to him, he will find a girl one day who he cannot fathom having a 3 some with or ever touching another girl for the rest of his life.... He DOES swear to me he does not WANT other girls or need them; he genuinely believes this himself..... and are, on the surface, a very loving and in love couple - the way we interact together, how happy we make each other in life, and everything about the ay e are in real life, points to us being in love. Agh! So: my boyfriend and another friend I have, swear that they are in love, and yet have been able to have casual, meaningless sex with other women. Where as others claim that NO guy in love, could POSSIBLY be about to enjoy meaningless sex ! Personally, I always thought it was possible for some people to be in love, and enjoy meaningless sex, that is mutually agreed upon by your partner. I know SOME men in love cannot touch other girls for meaningless sex, strictly intended for fun for the couple - however, surely some in love men CAN do what my boyfriend and I did?
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Also - he has told me that he has thought about getting married several times. We are not ready, seeing as we ar enot working steadily and have not gotten our lives together just yet - but he sais he hopes we do get married and remain together. So.. I think my delima is: people who believe a small minority of IN LOVE couples can have 3 somes VS people who do not think a person IN love, can ever brin gthemselves to touch another person, let alone actually enjoy it. I might add - we do not swing, and do not believe in cheating; we would both tell each other, if we felt urges to cheat. We have enough integrity to break it off first.
veggirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Leigh, you think too much! If your BF says he is in love with you, believe him! He is not stepping out on you or treating you badly--read some of the threads here where girls complain of how their Ahole men treat them and then turn around and say "but he loves me and I love him"--you don't have any of that stuff, you are just fine. Loving someone is platonic. I love my friends, I love my nieces, I love my cat You know the difference of loving someone and being in love. If your BF just loved you and wasn't in love, it'd be similar to how he loves his family or friends. You don't love your BF the same way you love other people.
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