Imported Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 No way OP. It is not possible. Just ask your wife's boyfriend.
Emilia Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 is it possible to look at a man as both a loving and faithful partner and a sexual lover? Of course it's possible. It's the kind of man I'm looking for now and it's the kind of men I dated before in LTRs You need to filter out stuff that people say sometimes. When certain male posters claim that women are only good for pump and dump I stop reading their posts and move on rather than start a thread here. That's because I know a lot of guys (including your good self) don't think that way.
Million.to.1 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I had a boyfriend once, years ago, who i wasn't that sexually attracted to and he wasn't that great of a lover.. He was a great boyfriend though and a great guy. I thought I'd give him a try. It didn't last long.. and I'll never do it again. There HAS to be fireworks.
dasein Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 OP question leaves too much wiggle room. Better question is "Does becoming involved in a relationship with a man who willingly commits, and knowing that the man is not going anywhere reduce female attraction to that man generally?" and the answer IME is a definite "yes." My love life and level of relationship control improved drastically after realizing the above and modifying my behavior accordingly, have seen same in many friends. Doing what women want a man to do ostensibly, commit, is a surefire exit plan unless her attraction level is through the roof to start, as it will reduce measurably post commitment.
gaius Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 That other thread is closed so let me say my piece in this. You guys know I will probably never do anything to put my marriage in danger but some of the things I read really really ticked me off and I am glad I have this board to vent. You're not even really married are you? It's possible to enjoy sex with a guy who's boyfriend material. Not so sure about being the most turned on ever, from what I've heard. The times I've gotten women into an honest conversation they usually admit some douche owns that title.
DjinnAgain Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Women do you make the seperation in your head or is it possible to look at a man as both a loving and faithful partner and a sexual lover? Somebody who is not good boyfriend material is most definitely NOT sexually attractive to me. Total turn off. Maybe when I was young and stupid...?
xxoo Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I am just posing this question since in another thread a poster clearly says her and a woman she knows can't see a man as both. Surprise, surprise, a woman on LS has dating issues Wog, that woman might be immature, and might figure it out in 5 years or so. But she'll be replaced on LS (and other places) with another women working through the same issue. If you stick around, you'll continually find "new" evidence to support your fears, even as the triggers themselves grow and move on to healthier relationships.
zengirl Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Women do you make the seperation in your head or is it possible to look at a man as both a loving and faithful partner and a sexual lover? Make the separation? It would be impossible for me to be sexually attracted to a man who I didn't see as a loving and faithful partner. Seriously.
kiss_andmakeup Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Absolutely! I'm sure there are women out there who have some kind of female version of the "Madonna/Whore" complex, but they're (hopefully) in the minority. If I meet a man I'm attracted to and have chemistry with, his having characteristics of "good boyfriend material" just scores him more points in my book. I seek out faithful, caring, and loyal people for relationships. When I met my current boyfriend, I was very attracted to him, physically and emotionally. We had a ton in common and had great chemistry. Then the fact that he maintained contact with me every day, asked me out on dates, and initiated exclusivity sealed the deal. 1
Author Woggle Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 OP question leaves too much wiggle room. Better question is "Does becoming involved in a relationship with a man who willingly commits, and knowing that the man is not going anywhere reduce female attraction to that man generally?" and the answer IME is a definite "yes." My love life and level of relationship control improved drastically after realizing the above and modifying my behavior accordingly, have seen same in many friends. Doing what women want a man to do ostensibly, commit, is a surefire exit plan unless her attraction level is through the roof to start, as it will reduce measurably post commitment. This is what I am so afraid of. We are getting closer to when the 7 year itch happens and I am so afraid of her waking up one day and deciding she is no longer attracted to me. Many women might not act the way you describe but I see it so often to know it is not an isolated incident.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Neither my first, second or third pregnancies were created by immaculate conception. Now I'm totally disillusioned and my core belief system is badly shaken.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is what I am so afraid of. We are getting closer to when the 7 year itch happens and I am so afraid of her waking up one day and deciding she is no longer attracted to me. Many women might not act the way you describe but I see it so often to know it is not an isolated incident. Do you think maybe it is unhealthy for you to take the words of an outspoken disliker of women (one who doesn't appear to be in a successful LTR like you are) as confirmation for your worst fears? 1
Author Woggle Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Do you think maybe it is unhealthy for you to take the words of an outspoken disliker of women (one who doesn't appear to be in a successful LTR like you are) as confirmation for your worst fears? I know that but I have also seen the scenario he describes play out more than I would like to admit. One poster even admitted that her and her sister can't see good partner and good sex partner as the same thing.
dasein Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is what I am so afraid of. We are getting closer to when the 7 year itch happens and I am so afraid of her waking up one day and deciding she is no longer attracted to me. Many women might not act the way you describe but I see it so often to know it is not an isolated incident. Well in your case woggle, I wouldn't be as afraid, you have been around the block and know the signs. She also knows that your past experience with women in your life has made you very wary, so this may be enough of "not having you 100%" to mitigate in your case.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 . One poster even admitted that her and her sister can't see good partner and good sex partner as the same thing. Hm. I bet I can find you one poster who likes to have sex with people of the same gender that they are. More than one, even. Does this make everybody gay? For a smart guy, you have really dumb logic. 1
KathyM Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Those two things are not mutually exclusive. There are plenty of men out there who are good, loyal, bf/husband material, who are also good at turning a woman on (I'm married to one of those). There are also men who are not bf material, but are good at sex. There are also those that are neither bf material or good at sex. There's all types, and those characteristics are not mutually exclusive.
xxoo Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is what I am so afraid of. We are getting closer to when the 7 year itch happens and I am so afraid of her waking up one day and deciding she is no longer attracted to me. Many women might not act the way you describe but I see it so often to know it is not an isolated incident. Woggle, did you notice this thread? He's lost the attraction to his beautiful, wonderful gf. But he posted and is working on getting it back Still, it shows that this is hardly an issue of "women". The 7 year itch is a result of people growing complacent, and taking each other for granted. Is your wife acting complacent? Are you? If not, you've got nothing to worry about. The antidote is simple: treat each other like a gf and bf Forever!
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 If a man is "good bf material" (whatever that means) but doesn't turn me on sexually, then I consider him a friend instead, and try to hook him up with my single lady friends. If a man really turns me on sexually, but would make an awful bf, then I turn him into a we-call-each-other-when-we're-drunk-and-horny friend. If a man does both, um, I date him. Seriously, this is not complicated.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 How about a round of applause for all the ladies who had the guts to admit to this. Most women need a man to be both their good partner and their sexy lover, but not all. Let's just say that some women want to screw and make babies with one kind of man but not have him in their life. Then, have another kind of man in their life but not have his babies. Women who are turned on by hypermasculine dominant sex gods (or maybe men who are just forbidden/taboo relationship wise) but want to live with men who will kiss their tuffet (or who will be more socially accepted as bf/husbands). They exist, they have always existed. Just as some men are that way (i.e. Thomas Jefferson). Maybe we should just accept this as one kind of sexual orientation. People who cannot be attracted to people they respect or really truly like.
FitChick Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Women do you make the seperation in your head or is it possible to look at a man as both a loving and faithful partner and a sexual lover? A man has to be a loving and faithful partner and a good lover or I wouldn't continue to date him. 1
pyroguy Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 gals can when they get past the teenage years except for the super immature. Hmmm, don't know about that. I see plenty of good looking fit women with subpar looking husbands, and one can tell their roaving eyes, and I've seen their GNO's and heard many comments from married women in regards to sex with their husbands..like she's doing him a favor, and it's a chore. I think too many women aren't really attracted to their husbands and/or wish they had better/sexier. Women's standards have also gone sky high. Not a good combo for men. I will say no more, otherwise I will be accused of generalizing or lumped in with the "can't get a date", bitter men. Honestly, of course not all or most women feel this way, but it's sadly a growing trend. I've even heard some women laughing about having two husbands. I think you can guess what roles each plays.
pyroguy Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Woggle, did you notice this thread? He's lost the attraction to his beautiful, wonderful gf. But he posted and is working on getting it back Still, it shows that this is hardly an issue of "women". The 7 year itch is a result of people growing complacent, and taking each other for granted. Is your wife acting complacent? Are you? If not, you've got nothing to worry about. The antidote is simple: treat each other like a gf and bf Forever! It's definitely both a male and female issue, but i just think currently it's more of a male issue. I'm a heterosexual male, but when I look around, it seems like the females are the more likely to stay fit and good looking...at least in my parts. I don't know if it's because they are working way less and don't have career concerns..not sure. I also see the corresponding behavior I mentioned in the last post.
pyroguy Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 My husband is a faithful, loving and caring man who's my best friend. He's also scorching HAWT! Neither my first, second or third pregnancies were created by immaculate conception. Congrats! but most wives don't have a man that looks like your husband...or me:p.. and HAWT to me (from what more and more women say)is a model face and cover of men's fitness...and maybe endowed like a porn star. That's a tall order
Author Woggle Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Damn. All this time I had it all wrong. I thought part of being a good boyfriend was being loving, faithful and good in the sack. Crap. Now I have to go rethink my entire life. Sadly there are some women who really believe you can't have all. I know this is generalizing but I have seen it happen enough times to know it is not some isolated incident. I used to work with two women who actually were proud of the fact that they just use their husbands for money while they cheat left and right. They swore they were empowered feminists.
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