jakelongot Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 So, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. She is a great person. Smart, caring, good with my family and she loves me dearly. We get along very well and enjoy doing the same things...whether that is going to a concert, tossing around the frisbee or just hanging around having a beer and watching TV. She is really everything I could want in a significant other. The problem is, I am not as physically attracted to her as I could be. By that I mean, there are several girls that I see in and around town that I am more physically attracted to. Now, that is not to say that she isn't beautiful in her own right. She has a beautiful face, good figure, large breasts, etc...However, she dresses more conservatively than I would like. She usually goes for comfort rather than sexy. I love seeing girls in tight t-shirts and tanktops. TIght jeans or short shorts...that is certainly not her. So, am I just nitpicking here? Am I looking for too much? Is her conservative style a small price to pay for an otherwise great girlfriend? I just fear that down the line I will lose sexual interest and I could end up resenting her for that...Maybe this is my fault. She is the first girl I really got serious with (relationship-wise) and it wasn't until I was 28. Before her I had only been with a couple of girls. Maybe I didn't sew my wild oats? Anyway...looking for advice. Anyone been in this situation? She I tell her how I feel? Should I let her go before she wastes more time with someone like me who doesn't truly appreciate her? HELLP!
LittlePrince Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Have you tried attaching a car battery to your nipples? 1
Pierre Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 So, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. She is a great person. Smart, caring, good with my family and she loves me dearly. We get along very well and enjoy doing the same things...whether that is going to a concert, tossing around the frisbee or just hanging around having a beer and watching TV. She is really everything I could want in a significant other. The problem is, I am not as physically attracted to her as I could be. By that I mean, there are several girls that I see in and around town that I am more physically attracted to. Now, that is not to say that she isn't beautiful in her own right. She has a beautiful face, good figure, large breasts, etc...However, she dresses more conservatively than I would like. She usually goes for comfort rather than sexy. I love seeing girls in tight t-shirts and tanktops. TIght jeans or short shorts...that is certainly not her. So, am I just nitpicking here? Am I looking for too much? Is her conservative style a small price to pay for an otherwise great girlfriend? I just fear that down the line I will lose sexual interest and I could end up resenting her for that...Maybe this is my fault. She is the first girl I really got serious with (relationship-wise) and it wasn't until I was 28. Before her I had only been with a couple of girls. Maybe I didn't sew my wild oats? Anyway...looking for advice. Anyone been in this situation? She I tell her how I feel? Should I let her go before she wastes more time with someone like me who doesn't truly appreciate her? HELLP! Dude: The fireworks decrease between 2-3 years in most relationships. At this point many couples break up. However, there are couples that KNOW how to take sex to the next level and continue to have a LTR. You need to learn how to take sex to the next level. Stop blaming your GF. You need to step up to the plate and perform. Otherwise, you will never have a LTR. 5
Author jakelongot Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Have you tried attaching a car battery to your nipples? ouch! harsh?
Author jakelongot Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Dude: The fireworks decrease between 2-3 years in most relationships. At this point many couples break up. However, there are couples that KNOW how to take sex to the next level and continue to have a LTR. You need to learn how to take sex to the next level. Stop blaming your GF. You need to step up to the plate and perform. Otherwise, you will never have a LTR. Good feedback! This is the longest i've been in a relationship for. Any suggestions on how to keep it going / spice it up???
Pierre Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Good feedback! This is the longest i've been in a relationship for. Any suggestions on how to keep it going / spice it up??? You need a fertile imagination and a GF that is willing to be kinky and into fantasy. If you simply rely on your biological drive for mating you will not get very far.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Pierre speaks the truth. If you really think about it, do you believe that your big spark would last much longer if your girlfriend looked like those other women you see out and about? It's possible to encourage your girlfriend to wear clothes that you love to see her in when you are going out on a date or for the bedroom, too - but this must be handled with care!
Author jakelongot Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Pierre speaks the truth. If you really think about it, do you believe that your big spark would last much longer if your girlfriend looked like those other women you see out and about? It's possible to encourage your girlfriend to wear clothes that you love to see her in when you are going out on a date or for the bedroom, too - but this must be handled with care! You make a good point. I think guys in general are always looking for the next thing. This is easy in your early mid twenties as most people aren't looking for anything too serious, or at least have marriage in the forefront of their minds. I think a big reason I feel the urge to change it up is because I didn't do enough dating or random hookups when I was a little younger. So now I am with this great girl, but I still feel the urge to sew my wild oats. In this sense, it is a "me" problem and has nothing to do with her. I would hate to throw away a great relationship just because I still have this "hookup" desire, but how do I know if It is just a passing phase or I will end up resenting her if we stay together and it doesn't go away? Also, FWIW, she did let me take her shopping at Victoria Secret the other week and was very happy with the results, so I think she is certainly open to spicing things up.
Star Gazer Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I would hate to throw away a great relationship just because I still have this "hookup" desire, but how do I know if It is just a passing phase or I will end up resenting her if we stay together and it doesn't go away? I've never heard someone say, "I'm so glad I broke up with my wonderful girlfriend to sew some oats!" but rather, "Damn, why did I do that? While off hooking up with random women, all the good ones were being snatched off the market - including her! Now I'm alone! Wahhhhh!" 3
Author jakelongot Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I've never heard someone say, "I'm so glad I broke up with my wonderful girlfriend to sew some oats!" but rather, "Damn, why did I do that? While off hooking up with random women, all the good ones were being snatched off the market - including her! Now I'm alone! Wahhhhh!" fair enough. Would gladly welcome advice of other successful relationship people out there that added a spark in the sex department after a period of years... What did you do? try? Advice?
mostlyclueless Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Stop comparing her to other girls. It's not good for you and it's not good for her. Talk to her about how fulfilled she's feeling. Do the things you did in the beginning of your relationship, whatever they were, that showed you were excited -- take her on dates, buy her no reason gifts, give her backrubs, whatever it was for you two. You will get out of the relationship what you put into it. If you put that loving, sexual energy in, it will be returned to you.
xxoo Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 fair enough. Would gladly welcome advice of other successful relationship people out there that added a spark in the sex department after a period of years... What did you do? try? Advice? Share fantasies. Read erotica together, to see which parts make her squirm (in a good way!). You've (hopefully) learned how to give her an orgasm. But have you explored how to tease/delay it for effect? Have her begging. The idea is to build on the trust, intimacy, and knowledge you have to take sex to the next level. You can't get to that next level by going to the next girl.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I've never heard someone say, "I'm so glad I broke up with my wonderful girlfriend to sew some oats!" but rather, "Damn, why did I do that? While off hooking up with random women, all the good ones were being snatched off the market - including her! Now I'm alone! Wahhhhh!" But if you're not ready to be in a committed relationship, you're not ready. Even if you end up regretting letting it go. It's very unfair to your partner if you are sort of ambivalent about whether you might prefer to be "free" than in the relationship. You need to do some soul searching. If you aren't ready to be serious like this, you owe it to yourself AND to your great girlfriend not to fake it.
CarrieT Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 fair enough. Would gladly welcome advice of other successful relationship people out there that added a spark in the sex department after a period of years... What did you do? try? Advice? Communicate, communicate, communicate...
snug.bunny Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Part of having a great sexual relationship, is having a strong emotional connection, as well as physical. It appears, that is lacking on your part? Try to discover things you BOTH like, which oh the horror, means talking about it (or introducing it...) with your girlfriend. You've been together for 2 1/2 years, so there should be a bit of a comfort level where you can be open with it by now and/or trying new things without offending the other person (granted, you may want to stay clear of things like threesomes and peeing on each other). But if you are finding yourself more and more attracted to other women, you do need to consider whether or not this is the right relationship for you. I think it's normal for people to find others attractive, but, there's a fine line between finding someone of the opposite sex attractive versus being attracted to someone else whilst in a relationship.
Author jakelongot Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Hey everybody! I just want to check in and say things are going great. I don't know what was going on with me for a few weeks, but I seem to have snapped out of it My G/F and I just spent a great weekend on Block Island (off the coast of RI) and things couldn't be better. Spark rekindled! We also have plans to go underwear shopping which is always fun. We're each helping to shop for the other. Should make for some extra fun in the bedroom. However, she wants to see me in a few pairs of briefs / boxer briefs which is a little bit of a change. But hey, change is good
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