Andrew2888 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I have read so many stories on here to help cope with my current pain and I thought I would share my problem. First off I love this girl with every fiber of my being. We dated for a 1 year and a half and everything was fantastic. She recently moved in with her dad who for some reason does not like me and gave her a lot of hell for dating me. Well one day randomy showing no warning signs she said she needed a break. I was devastated and did not know how to handle it. We were BOTH very clingy in our relationship so naturally thats how I was after she left. She said we would be together again,but i kept texting her,calling her,getting upset when she didnt answer. A few days ago it seems she had enough and told me we need to go NC for a while ut also said theres always a chance we an be together again.It has now been 1 month and a half since the break up and 2 days since NC started. First of all this NC is super..super hard. We were both so clingy how can she bear it so easily? I also feel like I ruined all my chances of getting her back by being so needy after she left. Im worried its too late for NC to work and help bring her back. I know I should move on,but I dont WANT to,i want to give every last breath i have fighting to get her back,she means everything to me. Please any advice or words of wisdom will help.Thank you </3
Chi townD Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Yep! NC is VERY hard. But here's the rub, if she doesn't want to be with you then there's really nothing you can do about it. NC is used as a tool to help us heal from a relatioship and to move on. Nothing more. Now, if she comes back then it is a by-product of NC. Because cases of our Ex's coming back are few and far in between. And it normally takes the Ex knocking on the door cry and saying she's sorry, she made a mistake and would do anything for a second chance. nything else is breadcrumbs. AND BREADCRUMBS ARE THE HARDEST! Because your Ex is reaching out to you doesn't mean that thy want to come back. 9 times out of 10, it's for an ego boost and an attempt to get you in the friend zone.
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Im the clingy type so NC is even harder than normal how the hell do I cope with this? 2 months ago she couldnt let go of me!
Chi townD Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 you remove anything that reminds you of her out of your life. You block her on facebook. If you feel like texting, e-mailing or calling. STOP!!! Post here instead. If you receive a text, e-mail or voicemail. STOP!!! Post here instead. People will be here to walk you through this.
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 you remove anything that reminds you of her out of your life. You block her on facebook. If you feel like texting, e-mailing or calling. STOP!!! Post here instead. If you receive a text, e-mail or voicemail. STOP!!! Post here instead. People will be here to walk you through this. So if she contacts me dont respond? She said she will contact me when she is ready to discuss the situation again so I was thinking if she contacts me it would be a good idea to talk to her. Or am I wrong?
Chi townD Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 So....why do you have to put your life on hold waiting for her? She goes on and lives her life while your waiting on the sidelines? Look, you have to start living your life as if she's not coming back. Because, chances are....she isn't. Damn, I hate to sound so negative. But, I'm just trying to have you look outside the box. If she contacts you, I have a feeling it will only be to try and get you into the "friend zone" and do you really think you belong there? Is that fair to you? She gets one of two things. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. 1
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 So she texted me today saying we should be friends, I told her I cant accept being friends it would hurt too much and to not contact me unless shes looking for a relationship,did i do the right thing? it hurts so much
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 This is so hard I love her so much,I know I need to move on,is it okay if a little part of me hopes she will come back someday?
coltsfan1 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is so hard I love her so much,I know I need to move on,is it okay if a little part of me hopes she will come back someday? Sure it is, but only for a short while. Almost every single person male or female that is on this site has at some point or another hoped to have the EX back. But over time that feeling will go away. So just be patient.
Edtheduck Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Dude, I'm in the same boat, 6 weeks into a break up, have done all the wrong things during that time. Started proper NC last Saturday, broke it today foolishly. Someone suggested to me, write her number down on a piece of paper, store it away where you're not likely to go every day, and move on. NC will be so much easier after. I'm forcing and I mean forcing myself to do the same now, even though I know I want to contact her, and of course be with her. If it doesn't work out, we move on and become stronger. If she comes back, in time, let it be off her accord, and not with you busting a gut trying to initiate. I know it's well and good me saying it while I'm going through the same, but it makes it easier for me to relate to myself if I tell others too. It's hard, harder than anything, but stay strong. For you
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Dude, I'm in the same boat, 6 weeks into a break up, have done all the wrong things during that time. Started proper NC last Saturday, broke it today foolishly. Someone suggested to me, write her number down on a piece of paper, store it away where you're not likely to go every day, and move on. NC will be so much easier after. I'm forcing and I mean forcing myself to do the same now, even though I know I want to contact her, and of course be with her. If it doesn't work out, we move on and become stronger. If she comes back, in time, let it be off her accord, and not with you busting a gut trying to initiate. I know it's well and good me saying it while I'm going through the same, but it makes it easier for me to relate to myself if I tell others too. It's hard, harder than anything, but stay strong. For you Thanks so much for sharing your story it helps sooo much to hear someone is sharing my pain. I wish you the best of luck buddy post here if you need some support!
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 We are having our final phone call tomorrow night in which after we initiate proper NC. I am not looking foward to this at all
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Good lord, you are obsessed. Initiate proper NC???? You should have gone NC the second she dumped you. And parents have a vibe. Maybe he sensed you are very needy and he would rather have someone with a spine to court his daughter. You also sound very young. She is trying to move on; stop waiting around for her to call you to....initiate NC. geez.....
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Good lord, you are obsessed. Initiate proper NC???? You should have gone NC the second she dumped you. And parents have a vibe. Maybe he sensed you are very needy and he would rather have someone with a spine to court his daughter. You also sound very young. She is trying to move on; stop waiting around for her to call you to....initiate NC. geez..... do you think that helps anybody? That wasnt even firm but nice advice that was just mean
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 do you think that helps anybody? That wasnt even firm but nice advice that was just mean Sorry; I am not a bake shop. I don't sugar coat. You need to stop being so needy--that chases people away. Have you ever sat and talked with her Father at all? She texted she wants to be friends. Accept that. It's healing time.
muzik_lvr Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 do you think that helps anybody? That wasnt even firm but nice advice that was just mean Perhaps what she said was a little blunt, but she was pretty spot on from what I gather. I'd suggest to read over what she said again and consider it. 1
april37 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I know you're in hell right now, and I'm there too, so I can relate. NC feels un-natural when you are so bonded to someone, and you've spent all of your energy being kind and loving to that person, and you felt as though they were giving the same back to you until one day they blindsight you, and cut the cord, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces all by yourself. I understand that at the very least you need closure if shes not going to get back together with you. In order to move on from a co-dependant relationship (which I was in) you do need to feel some finality. So if you're going to have a final call, be prepared with what you need to say and hear to close the chapter, and move on to healing your heart. I doubt anything will make you feel better right now, except her wanting you back, but you really need to look at this last convo as a goodbye, the end of who you were, and the begining of who you are going to become. Good luck, I know how bad you feel right now, and you're not alone, we are all here for the same reason. 1
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 Sorry; I am not a bake shop. I don't sugar coat. You need to stop being so needy--that chases people away. Have you ever sat and talked with her Father at all? She texted she wants to be friends. Accept that. It's healing time. Actually I have sat down and talked with her father. Here is a little background for you,for one,she was just as needy and clingy as I was. 2nd her father was an *******,he didnt like me because I wouldnt disrespect my parents and give up my college money to go to the same college as my girlfriend.He also said I wasnt a man because I spent too much time on school that could be on her,he also said my dream to be a chemical engineer is pointless and I should do soemthing else so id spend less time in school.Does eh seem like a reasonable guy now? He badgered her everyday about how horrible I am
jennisfora Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 sounds like he felt threatened. although, i have found in most cases, when someone is asked to choose between immediate family or a boyfriend or girlfriend, they tend to choose family. even if the family is dysfunctional. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Actually I have sat down and talked with her father. Here is a little background for you,for one,she was just as needy and clingy as I was. 2nd her father was an *******,he didnt like me because I wouldnt disrespect my parents and give up my college money to go to the same college as my girlfriend.He also said I wasnt a man because I spent too much time on school that could be on her,he also said my dream to be a chemical engineer is pointless and I should do soemthing else so id spend less time in school.Does eh seem like a reasonable guy now? He badgered her everyday about how horrible I am Do you then realize that she is a package deal==if you wound up together, you would have this lovely man in your life as well. Food for thought. She doesn't sound needy/clingy anymore, though; sounds like she needs time for herself. .....were you spending all your time on school and not enough on the relationship?
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 Do you then realize that she is a package deal==if you wound up together, you would have this lovely man in your life as well. Food for thought. She doesn't sound needy/clingy anymore, though; sounds like she needs time for herself. .....were you spending all your time on school and not enough on the relationship? She hates her father ,as soon as she gets out of college shes never speaking to him again. I was not spending all my time on school,in fact it was probably 60/40 her getting the 60.
adiva Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Not sure how long its been but just hold on if you know you did everything you could in the relationship to make it work in the good and the bad times then even if she never comes back you know for the next relationship its a part of life we break up to make up 1
Author Andrew2888 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Posted May 24, 2012 Im so nervous to talk to her tomorrow. I plan to get all my closure,ask all my questions and spill my brain to her.then go strict NC.if she comes back great arms are wide open,if not atleast i will have moved on.
Rorschach64 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Closure comes from within, no matter how many questions you ask or yell at her or whatever, she can't provide that closure. Though I do believe you did right that you told her you don't want to be friends, god knows I did the same exact thing you did after I was offered friendship. Learn from the relationship, the break up, and be more aware of warning signs. You should not go through with your finally good bye call and go NC now. Best of luck with NC, it is a hard lonely road. 2
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