april37 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 My ex dumped me a month and a half ago. He was separated from his wife, and we truly felt we were soul mates, however he missed his old life and the day to day with his 4 kids, and decided to leave me and keep thier family together. I have stayed away, though I was and am still devistated. Of course I wish he would come running back to me, but I'm finally letting go of that dream (I think). Yesterday for the first time I recieved an email from him saying "Ive been really struggling with wanting to contact you. i have been thinking of you ALOT, its been really hard for me going to the places we used to go and remember all our times together. i am trying to "get by" but having a tough time at it. i know our circumstances and our situation isnt gonna change but i still want to know you how you are....(blah blah blah)" We work at the same company, and will see eachother occasionally, plus he owes me money which he sends me a check for monthly, so it's not like I can never talk to him again, so I'm trying to come up with the best response to his note. I was thinking of just saying: I understand how you're feeling, I really do. But considering "our circumstances and our situation isnt gonna change", then no contact is really the best course of action for me. What are your thoughts?? Should I not respond at all? It doesn't feel right, to not say anything, but what's best for me?
january2011 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 What's best for you is: delete, block and silence. 1
mephisto Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 You seriously asking whats best for you ???? Stay the hell out of there and dont even reply. He is looking for redemption and for an ego trip. Stay silent, go away, move on...he made his choice when he left you. Show him you got the message...now his turn!! p.s- its gonna drive him sooo crazy My ex dumped me a month and a half ago. He was separated from his wife, and we truly felt we were soul mates, however he missed his old life and the day to day with his 4 kids, and decided to leave me and keep thier family together. I have stayed away, though I was and am still devistated. Of course I wish he would come running back to me, but I'm finally letting go of that dream (I think). Yesterday for the first time I recieved an email from him saying "Ive been really struggling with wanting to contact you. i have been thinking of you ALOT, its been really hard for me going to the places we used to go and remember all our times together. i am trying to "get by" but having a tough time at it. i know our circumstances and our situation isnt gonna change but i still want to know you how you are....(blah blah blah)" We work at the same company, and will see eachother occasionally, plus he owes me money which he sends me a check for monthly, so it's not like I can never talk to him again, so I'm trying to come up with the best response to his note. I was thinking of just saying: I understand how you're feeling, I really do. But considering "our circumstances and our situation isnt gonna change", then no contact is really the best course of action for me. What are your thoughts?? Should I not respond at all? It doesn't feel right, to not say anything, but what's best for me? 1
leoc1973 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 ok as a man. What would hit me is if you said back to him. "no biggie, Just send me the check every month". He's trying to see where your feelings are at and if there is another man involved yet. Right now he's looking to see if you are still on the hook while he figures out what he wants. Another thing he could be doing is looking for a guilt free way of sleeping with you. For you to say something like wanna come over and talk or something like that. I think the difference between when men break up and women break up is that women are emotionally drained and men think more practical. Its like the SAT questions "if so and so happens" then "this will result" women are more like "i am done I don't care I can't take it anymore" Usually men think with a logical approach and the only thing that ever really brings a man back is a different man. Its like a curveball that we don't see coming. 1
Author april37 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Thank you so much for responding!! The only thing I failed to mention to you is that, a few days ago, I did text him because when I recieved his check, the envelope was torn open and I asked him if maybe something fell out, and he told me there was a little something in there (nothing really, just something that was sentimental to both of us), and I responded saying ok, and BTW I just got back from Amsterdam, and wanted to share that with you cause you knew I always wanted to go. He left a nice reply, and the whole converstation set me back a couple of steps, and I kind of feel like I opened the door to communication by doing that. Is it rude to just not respond now, considering my behavior? Or should I really leave him hanging?? Wont it make it akward, or less amicable when I see him? BTW, he's gonna be sending me checks for a long time to come...still owes me $7k cause we bought an RV together, and now he's buying me out.
Author april37 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I think the difference between when men break up and women break up is that women are emotionally drained and men think more practical. Its like the SAT questions "if so and so happens" then "this will result" women are more like "i am done I don't care I can't take it anymore" Usually men think with a logical approach and the only thing that ever really brings a man back is a different man. Its like a curveball that we don't see coming. I think you are absolutely correct about women, when I've been the one to do the breaking up, I was completely done, stuck around long enough to know that I couldn't stand to be in the relationship for another minute. So, if I say "no biggie, just send the check every month", what am I saying no biggie to? And is the point to keep him in the dark as to how I'm doing?
Author april37 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Hi everyone, I just wanted to share that I took your advice and I didn't respond at all. It was very dificult to make that decision, because of course I want to reach out, I want to connect and bond with him, but in the long run, what good would it do me?! I'm hurting though, it's just as hard to have the ball in my court and not act on it, as it is to have the ball in his court and wait for him to contact me. Or maybe it's not, I guess time will tell. All I know is the most important thing for me is that this pain goes away, and whatever is the healthiest choice overall, is the one I'll make even if it feels wrong (like not contacting him, when its not in my nature to cut someone off). I truly hope it was the right choice. Deep in my heart, I want him to come back to me, but I don't think responding to him would have made that happen, would it? hmmmm........ :-(
Recommended Posts