Motherof3 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I'm conceiving... 5 weeks... Just found out today. I've already broken up with the father of this baby. I found out he's got his ex pregnant. Should I keep this baby? Or just abort it? I already have 3 kids, their Dad died 2 years ago. And I'm 26 years old now. Advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I'm for keeping your baby. Also I think you will be happy you did. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I think getting different thoughts and advice on here could help you on some level, but please think about talking to your family doctor and also ask them to refer you to a counsellor asap. This is a HUGE decision, not one to be made lightly. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
JesseJames Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Keep the child. If female, you are to name her Teela, after the warrior princess. She will become a professional golfer, and eventually she leads the next lesbian movement. If male, you are to name him Floyd, after the famous prize fighter. He will become a great thief, and eventually will filibuster a small island nation in the Pacific. Edited May 22, 2012 by JesseJames 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I've already broken up with the father of this baby. I already have 3 kids, their Dad died 2 years ago. I'm 26 years old now. I would abort.... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I would keep your baby, and since you have 3 I don't have to tell you how precious babies are or life. Would you consider adoption? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ursa Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 In the circumstances you've disclosed, I would strongly consider terminating the pregnancy, in order to devote my finite time and resources to my three existing children. In the end you must choose whatever works best for your family, no matter what anybody says here. Expect an online ****storm whenever you ask this question, but go with your gut. Good luck with whatever you decide. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motherof3 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I may just have to think about this and ask my family's side. Yes, it's a huge decision to make. While I know I can keep this baby and raise him/her well, knowing his/her father won't be on the picture is giving me the second thought. Every baby deserves two parents. Two parents that I wasn't able to give to my 3 kids and so that's why they always complain about how their Dad isn't here for them and how God was really unfair for them cause He took their Dad away so early. I don't know what to say... Uhmm. It's driving me insane. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the replies. I may just have to think about this and ask my family's side. Yes, it's a huge decision to make. While I know I can keep this baby and raise him/her well, knowing his/her father won't be on the picture is giving me the second thought. Every baby deserves two parents. Two parents that I wasn't able to give to my 3 kids and so that's why they always complain about how their Dad isn't here for them and how God was really unfair for them cause He took their Dad away so early. I don't know what to say... Uhmm. It's driving me insane. Many children do not have both parents. But I do believe all deserve a shot at life, and without the decision of termination made for them. Edited May 22, 2012 by UpwardForward 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I may just have to think about this and ask my family's side. Yes, it's a huge decision to make. While I know I can keep this baby and raise him/her well, knowing his/her father won't be on the picture is giving me the second thought. Every baby deserves two parents. Two parents that I wasn't able to give to my 3 kids and so that's why they always complain about how their Dad isn't here for them and how God was really unfair for them cause He took their Dad away so early. I don't know what to say... Uhmm. It's driving me insane. (((((((((hugs))))))))) But they have you. I was adopted and had my parents not adopted me I would have remained an orphan. My parents divorced when I was 7 so my mom raised me. I am so sorry you and the kids lost dad, although God had a purpose...difficult to understand, but everything will be turned to His glory...especially the story I am about to tell you. I had two abortions when I was young, before the knowledge of "abortion" was really out there...meaning the methods used and the baby actually being a baby and not some "mass of cells". I was very suicidal, and yes I had been through some very traumatic things prior to the abortions, but it was the abortions that threw me over the edge. I came to the heart knowledge of God two years after the second abortion and was advised to start a healing process, which in fact was suggested by the person who did not know me and took one look at me and said, "you have had two abortions"...she was very wise and was involved with a crisis pregnancy counseling center, I then took classes to become a counselor and the truth was devasting. To this day there are great times of torment. I was self destructive anyway, but the abortions ...well...the guilt is nothing I could ever describe, the self hatred. The baby you are carrying has a purpose here on earth, lest you would not have become pregnant..and I've been on LS for a bit of time and have never been able to bring myself to tell this story (there is much more to it, but this is the jist)...it just hurts that much, but there must be a reason.. (((((((((hugs again))))))) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I'm conceiving... 5 weeks... Just found out today. I've already broken up with the father of this baby. I found out he's got his ex pregnant. Should I keep this baby? Or just abort it? I already have 3 kids, their Dad died 2 years ago. And I'm 26 years old now. Advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! I would terminate if i were you. This kid is a possibility, there's a reason doctors don't count pregnancies as 'serious' untill past 3 months [risk of spontaneous abortions], while your 3 other kids are your reality. Can you handle a 4th ? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 "I found out he's got his ex pregnant." My understanding is that an unplanned pregnancy requires two adults. How one can assert the above astounds and confounds. It does however speak volumes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I vote for abortion. You are only 26 and you want to have some sort of life in the future don't you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 There IS a third option - adoption. It's a beautiful option too. It gives your child their life, but allows you to move forward without another baby to care for. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I vote abortion. Life will only be too much harder with a fourth child in the picture, that you will be raising alone, not to mention the constant reminder of the man you broke up with. Also, did everyone who told you they would help you with the other three keep their word, or did they disappear when you needed help? I suggest you dont have a baby by suggestion of anyone who will not help you raise a child. Do you really want to deal with the court system for years trying to get child support from the man you broke up with? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) I think this might fit better in the pregnancy thread, but anyways, it really depends on what YOU want. 4 kids at 26 is quite a bit on your plate. I'm 23 and not even close to being ready for number 1. My H and I want 3 kids someday and we've discussed that if we were ever to have an "accidental" 4th, we'd probably keep it, but that's assuming we're financially stable and have a supporting husband helping me. However, if I did not have a supporting husband and was raising 3 children on my own at 26, I'd go for abortion. There is also the adoption option if you're more comfortable with that alternative. My husband also lost his father at a young age and it bothered him for many years. I'm assuming your children are pretty young going by your age. You have to be both mother and father to them now. Adding another child into the mix will not allow you to give them the emotional support they may need for some time. I disagree with the other poster. My husband is an adult and not only did his father pass away when he was young, but his mother being a young mother, wasn't emotionally available to him ever. It's very unfair for the children. Edited May 23, 2012 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Abort!!!! at 26 with 3 kids already, you will be LUCKY to find a person willing to be a stepparent... at 26 with 4 kids by many different daddies you will not be dating anyone who hasnt been to, or isnt currently in, prison or addicted to meth... And get on birth control for hugs sake. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Every baby deserves two parents. Ideally, yes. But more importantly, every baby deserves to be surrounded by love, regardless of what the family make-up is. The real question is, can you and your family provide that? as to the folks urging you to abort because you've got too many kids already and you're just too young, I say horse hockey. The universe wouldn't be handing you this unexpected gift if it thought you were a crappy parent, IMO ... Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 I'm conceiving... 5 weeks... Just found out today. I've already broken up with the father of this baby. I found out he's got his ex pregnant. Should I keep this baby? Or just abort it? I already have 3 kids, their Dad died 2 years ago. And I'm 26 years old now. Advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! You are 26 years old and have three children. I am sorry to hear about their father but you are pregnant with a man's child that is not in your life. You have no business bringing another child into this world. What chance do you think you'll have of finding a man who wants a single mother of four? Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 The universe wouldn't be handing you this unexpected gift if it thought you were a crappy parent, IMO ... There are literally hundreds of thousands of ****TY ****TY parents and people who just shouldnt have had kids, so your statement simply isnt true or based in reality... The "universe" isnt responsible for this posters decisions and this poster shouldnt leave her decisions up to the universe... The universe doesnt care one way or the other about this posters happiness or the happiness of any kid or kids she may or may not have... The universe doesnt give "gifts"... Unless this poster has a large inheritance coming her way there is no way, at the age of 26 with 3 children already, that she has any chance of giving her kids a real fighting of going to college... as it is, her kids will either have to join the military or be exceptionally bright on their own in order to get scholarships for college or simply not go... I am not trying to be judgemental, just realistic... and re-quoted for truth: What chance do you think you'll have of finding a man who wants a single mother of four? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 If you don't want to abort, find a lawyer who deals with adoptions who can let you choose the parents of your child. They will pay all expenses up until the birth. Tell yourself it's not your child, but you are a surrogate carrying THEIR child. It will help you separate from it later on. Then in 18 years you and your kids can meet their half-sibling and it will be a happy reunion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motherof3 Posted May 24, 2012 Author Share Posted May 24, 2012 I know how precious life is. I've spent my night with my kids and just looking at them makes my heart melt. I want to keep my baby and I think adoption is the best option to reconsider. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 as to the folks urging you to abort because you've got too many kids already and you're just too young, I say horse hockey. The universe wouldn't be handing you this unexpected gift if it thought you were a crappy parent, IMO ... Soo let's say I were to go and have a TON of unprotected sex which leads to a TON of unexpected pregnancies, so you're saying it's because the universe gave me a gift? I think it would REALLY be because of my stupidty and negligence and if I had decided to use precautionary measures in the first place I wouldn't have been in that situation. Having children is a CHOICE. You make that choice when you don't use birth control. And don't say birth control doesn't always work. Okay, for ONE or TWO percent of people, birth control may not work. However, that one or two percent isn't using birth control properly. (Skipping pills or on an antibacterial medication that lessens the strength of the pill) And I highly doubt everyone on here claiming to use birth control "happens" to be the one percent minority. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 You are 26 years old and have three children. I am sorry to hear about their father but you are pregnant with a man's child that is not in your life. You have no business bringing another child into this world. What chance do you think you'll have of finding a man who wants a single mother of four? IMO, Life is about taking what is given us and making the best of it. I also believe we are blessed for doing so, and that faith does have a lot to do with it. It sounds like depression times: What chance do you think you'll have of finding a man. (to take care of you?) I cannot believe women make decisions based on if they have the proper trappings to find a man. So you 'find a man' - then what? Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 I know how precious life is. I've spent my night with my kids and just looking at them makes my heart melt. I want to keep my baby and I think adoption is the best option to reconsider. Yes. And nine months of pregnancy is a small amount of time out of your life to give another human being a chance at life - with adoptive parents. The adoption process can be set up while you are pregnant. If you find adoptive parents they can help you with your medical costs too. To all the posters here who casually suggested abortion - have you ever had one? It's nothing to be casual about and the emotional after-effects are something you'd have to live with for the rest of your life. Or maybe it doesn't bother you, based on whatever your value system is. I think it's commendable that you consider adoption your best option. Give the child a chance at life with other parents if you know you can't handle raising a 4th. There are a ton of community resources out there to help you with adoption, so make a few phone calls and find out what's involved. Make an informed decision rather than an emotional reactive one. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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