horsesrule7 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 My (ex)-boyfriend and I were dating for a year and 3 months. He broke up with me a week ago. Long story short, I had insecurity issues/worried too much and stressed him out to the point that he realized both of us were too stressed out and it wasn't working. Now I regret everything because I made a big deal out of little things like not being able to talk/hangout because he was extremely busy with everything and had a lot on his mind. He's a great guy, he really is, and I still care about him. I still want to get back together with him. After we broke up, we had no contact for a week until I called him up yesterday to talk about things. We broke up over text because neither of us were thinking and it all just went downhill really fast, and we never got a chance to actually talk on the phone or in person to each other. So we talked on the phone about everything, and talked about why it ended in the first place and I apologized for everything. He apologized too. I told him that I still care about him and I still want to be together, and that we could still work it out and compromise and I could work on being less worrisome and insecure. He said he needs time to think, and I said he can have all the time he needs. That's where we left it, and all I can do now is wait. We still care about each other even though we both got hurt, and the reason why it wasn't working was because we were both too stressed about everything. But I think that if we could just compromise and figure out a way to keep in contact that works for both of us, we would be less stressed. I don't know how much time he needs to think, or if he'll come back, all I know is if I could go back and fix my mistakes and all the times I overreacted and was paranoid about everything, I would. We had some really great times while we were together and I still really care about him. I can't just move on and forget about what we had because we really were great together before it all went downhill. I just want him back and I want to hug him really tight and I want him to hold me in his arms and never let me go again. I just miss him so much and it kills me to think that I might never have a chance to be with him again. I guess I'm posting here not only to see what you guys think, and if you think there's still a chance for us to work things out...Is there?...but also just to get my feelings out and try to see if anyone can relate to my situation. I just really miss him.
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Insecurity isn't an attractor, it's a repellant. If you're already split up he may be checking out his options. For you, he is your only option. Give him plenty of breathing room, up to and including dating other people. It's gonna happen whether you want it to or not. He may have been eyeballing someone already, or even before you split up. It's not uncommon in this scenario. If you try and hang on, and get clingy, it won't give him any time to miss what he had. He'll just take for granted that you'll always be there waiting for him. Pining for him. I don't think reconciliation is going to happen here, and even if it does it may wind up in the same place you were before. If you make yourself scarce, he may wonder what happened to you... unless he's already pursuing someone else. Then you may just not hear from him. Either way you've given yourself a head start on healing, and moving on if you drop contact for a while. Most folks here would say strict NC (no contact of any kind, even if he messages you first) is recommended after a break-up. He may throw out some breadcrumbs at some point if he hears nothing from you, but chances are it's to make sure he's still got you on the string. Be wary of this. Sorry if this all sounds cold or hopeless, but I've been around this block so many times and know it all too well.
WongHua Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I feel for you, I was in a similar situation and it really sucks... I think it's really good for you to come here and let it all out, in fact let it out in any way you can. I know how hard it can be to get over a relationship like that, specially when things were amazing and you got along great right before it went downhill, and you can't stop thinking about what you did wrong or how you can make it up and have what you had again I wasn't a priority to my boyfriend either, and it was hard to see that while we were in a relationship. In my case, I would talk to my boyfriend about it, and he would make changes for a few weeks, or maybe a few days.. then go back to the same old not giving me time. And I know it's hard to see it because all you see is what you did wrong and how you can fix it. But the deal is, you weren't his priority if he let you feel that way. I say No Contact as well, let him miss you. He might realize what HE did wrong and you can have your second chance, or maybe he won't, but he'll have the time to think about it instead of thinking of how you haven't changed and are still stressing over it and bugging him about it. By breaking up he inherently wants space from you, and it's very important you give it to him. Take it as time to better yourself as a person, feel better about yourself, hang out with your friends, do stuff that you always wanted to do. You know? And as a plus, sometimes men can see the difference from that stressy person you were and want you back! But what matters is that you feel good!
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