Strelitzia Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) My Boyfriend broke up with me in september last year after 10 tumultuous years together. When it started he lived in a different country so after a year long romance I moved over to be with him but found it difficult to find my place so after another year I moved home and then after another year I moved back - found a new career, made friends- built a life in his country. Our main hurdle was always that he feels that we are very different people - and we certainly were when we first met. But life changes and I felt that we were heading in the same direction - except that I wanted to try living back in my country. After 7 years and a few break ups we made an agreement that we would commit to each other, try for a baby and in 3 years try life in my country AND that i would sign a relationship agreement. I was really clear with him at the time that he needed to be sure about what he was agreeing as I was 34 at the time and this would be my last chance to have a baby. We tried for a baby but were unsuccessful, a year and half later his nephew developed a life threatening illness and so we stopped trying as the family focused on that. Then it was time to move home - I knew that he didn't want to move and I kept trying to talk to him about it but he just kept saying he was going to. He decided that I should move over first and then he would move over when I had established things - of course he never moved and six months later said it was over. I am devstated. He has told me that he subsequently realised that he was never happy with me and he was depressed while we were together and that now he has a new lease on life. I know he loved me and I believe that he has this attitude now because he couldn't deal with letting me down so has made it all my fault. Under the terms of the relationship agreement I am supposed to get a settlement but neither of us has taken any steps towards enacting this. I am now moving back to his country but he is adament that nothing will happen between us. He has not met anyone since we broke up and we still communicate (superficially) regularly. Is there any hope??? Edited May 21, 2012 by Strelitzia spelling mistake
january2011 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Based on what he's said, I think not. He told you that he's happier without you. He actually sounds relieved. This does not sound like a guy who wants to be with you or who loves you, I'm sorry. So far, he has failed to make any sacrifices for your relationship - it's not a requirement that one makes a sacrifice, but it does seem as if you're the one that's had to make the big movies such as uprooting yourself to hold to your end of the bargain. When it's his turn, he's made excuses and back-peddled. In my opinion, that's not conducive to a lasting relationship and a solid foundation for starting a family. He doesn't seem to be giving any 'good' reasons other than he's had a change of heart. He's entitled to change his mind but you're also entitled to ask him to be good on his word, otherwise, what is the point of making plans with him? I'm sorry that you've invested 10 years into this relationship but I think that you should make the break now, go NC, and concentrate on rebuilding your life without him. I strongly suggest not having a baby with him or marrying him. Hopefully, when the dust settles, you will meet someone who is a much better fit and is happy that you're in his life. Follow up on the relationship agreement, if you so wish.
Author Strelitzia Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Thanks so much for your response - sometimes it helps to get a bit of perspective!
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