truth_seeker Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I know from my experiences, I've run away from two women. The reasons were erratic behavior and pressure to move too fast, ie, move in after only a couple of months dating. Lately, I feel the tables have been turned on me. I haven't even gotten to know the last couple of women. Just flirting, good vibes and poof! Gone. This one girl we emailed each other and it seemed to being going in the right direction but then she disappeared. No explanation. Nothing. I didn't even get I'm seeing someone else or "I don't see this working out, going anywhere" line. I know she had a crush on me as we've seen each other in person, and had info passed back to me from a mutual friend. She couldn't even look at me in the eye when she would see me. Head down. I really liked her and tried to convey this in email which she responded to, but in person she would see me and get all fidgety(sp?). I haven't heard from her in awhile. To women: why do you run away, if you like the guy?
verhrzn Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 When he doesn't act interested. Or there's something that seems like a fundamental deal breaker. I think it also might be expecting a tad too much to have an explanation as to why she disappeared if you only went on 1 date. My rule is that after 3, a guy deserves some sort of message, but up until then, maybe expect some poof! behavior. It's pretty normal to want to avoid that level of awkward with near strangers.
canoeracer Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 To women: why do you run away, if you like the guy? If they like you, 99% of women won't run away. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 If they like you, 99% of women won't run away. Sorry if that sounds harsh. What about the 1%? What's odd is that this girl initiated.
verhrzn Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 If they like you, 99% of women won't run away. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I don't think that's true. Maybe I'm weird, but I've run away from guys I've liked. I usually do it for either self-protection, or because my common sense caught up with me.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 When he doesn't act interested. Or there's something that seems like a fundamental deal breaker. I think it also might be expecting a tad too much to have an explanation as to why she disappeared if you only went on 1 date. My rule is that after 3, a guy deserves some sort of message, but up until then, maybe expect some poof! behavior. It's pretty normal to want to avoid that level of awkward with near strangers. I'd like an explanation (not that I deserve one) as I was given a strong impression from body language and messages that she was into me but very shy when she was around me. I can be very direct and open, and thought maybe it scared her off.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I don't think that's true. Maybe I'm weird, but I've run away from guys I've liked. I usually do it for either self-protection, or because my common sense caught up with me. So it is possible for a girl to like a guy but be intimidated and afraid to date him?
monkey00 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I don't think that's true. Maybe I'm weird, but I've run away from guys I've liked. I usually do it for either self-protection, or because my common sense caught up with me. Protection from what? And what common sense? ....fear of getting hurt? Sometimes you'll never know. Recently I was stood up by a girl and I'll never know why, but a part of me thinks I probably came off too strong. Girls do freak out too about that. I think what irks me the most is that people don't talk about this kind of thing if they really like someone, or if they want to take it slow then say so. It's like if an alarm goes off, then the first thing they do is bail and not try to stick around to make it work or give an explanation...A lot of times I find it lame.
spiderowl Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 It's unlikely I'd run away if I liked the guy, unless there was something weird or worrying about him. If he was married, I'd run away, for example. It's possible to like a guy, find him great to chat to and fun to spend time with but just not be physically attracted. In that case, it's really hard as you don't want to hurt a friend. I suspect she liked you and then something was said, or happened, that made her think again. Maybe you are into sports bigtime and she can't bear too much sport? Maybe you smoke and she doesn't? Who knows? I have turned down guys for the following reasons: - not physically attracted - too geeky - don't like his sense of humour at times - drinks far too much - he's more interested in my son's computer game than me - too flirtatious with other women - snores - smokes - is crap in bed - has lied to me about anything that matters - too old/too young - smells - pretty convinced he's bi
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I suspect she liked you and then something was said, or happened, that made her think again. Maybe you are into sports bigtime and she can't bear too much sport? Maybe you smoke and she doesn't? Who knows? This was all chase and circumstance. Lots of signals that led to me chasing her, us emailing, then her chasing me. I was direct and upfront with her being more cautious and timid. There is an age difference. She is younger. When I chased her and finally spoke with her I thought it would lead to dating but then she vanished so I let it go. Not soon after she started chasing me. I contacted her after awhile and now she's gone again. Did I wait too long?
Brit Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Really the only way to get your answer is to ask. Sounds like alot of game playing. Maybe she tired of it. I was in a weird similar situation, although he was rude a few times, and since it was only based on friendship, I would send a few random strange/funny texts, to test his sense of humour. It did not go well, and while we are not enemies, we are no longer in contact. But, it was my fault in a way, I find humor in shock value/joking, but not all people are intuitive with off the wall banter. Just ask, and if she does not reply, you have your answer. We are all going to end up covered in dirt, with worms in our skulls at some point....so take a chance.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 Really the only way to get your answer is to ask. Sounds like alot of game playing. Maybe she tired of it. I was in a weird similar situation, although he was rude a few times, and since it was only based on friendship, I would send a few random strange/funny texts, to test his sense of humour. It did not go well, and while we are not enemies, we are no longer in contact. But, it was my fault in a way, I find humor in shock value/joking, but not all people are intuitive with off the wall banter. Just ask, and if she does not reply, you have your answer. We are all going to end up covered in dirt, with worms in our skulls at some point....so take a chance. I was upfront and honest from the beginning. She seemed liked she was to but then was gone. I took it as she flaked on me and let it go. All of the sudden she's chasing me. I thought maybe there was a misunderstanding and reached out to her but then she was gone again. The whole thing really makes no sense if you knew the whole story. I'm pretty good with my instincts but this one has me torn.
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 an existing bf or potential bf thats all i can say
DuchessKaye Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Maybe I'm weird, but I've run away from guys I've liked. I usually do it for either self-protection, or because my common sense caught up with me. it is possible for a girl to like a guy but be intimidated and afraid to date him? Story of my dating life...
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 an existing bf or potential bf thats all i can say I think that's what happened. She was playing the field and met someone else. Her and I had tension building for a long time.
rana-rana Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I know from my experiences, I've run away from two women. The reasons were erratic behavior and pressure to move too fast, ie, move in after only a couple of months dating. Lately, I feel the tables have been turned on me. I haven't even gotten to know the last couple of women. Just flirting, good vibes and poof! Gone. This one girl we emailed each other and it seemed to being going in the right direction but then she disappeared. No explanation. Nothing. I didn't even get I'm seeing someone else or "I don't see this working out, going anywhere" line. I know she had a crush on me as we've seen each other in person, and had info passed back to me from a mutual friend. She couldn't even look at me in the eye when she would see me. Head down. I really liked her and tried to convey this in email which she responded to, but in person she would see me and get all fidgety(sp?). I haven't heard from her in awhile. To women: why do you run away, if you like the guy? I dont think these girls ever liked u. To guess it, they probably was being nice as to not hurt your ego. Something I used to do & got tired of.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I dont think these girls ever liked u. To guess it, they probably was being nice as to not hurt your ego. Something I used to do & got tired of. I think you're both right and wrong. The women who flirted and disappeared, weren't interested and probably did what you use to do: be polite and try not to hurt my ego. The one who emailed me and chased me, had to like me. If she didn't then she would have completely blown me off like the others. I think the other person here got it right: she met someone else.
ariadne999 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I think you're both right and wrong. The women who flirted and disappeared, weren't interested and probably did what you use to do: be polite and try not to hurt my ego. The one who emailed me and chased me, had to like me. If she didn't then she would have completely blown me off like the others. I think the other person here got it right: she met someone else. or she did like you and you did something on the date that made her not like you. it happens. you meet someone, you're attracted, you get to know them better and then something about them turns you off. so of course time to make a woman hating thread on LS about it!
TheFinalWord Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I know from my experiences, I've run away from two women. The reasons were erratic behavior and pressure to move too fast, ie, move in after only a couple of months dating. Lately, I feel the tables have been turned on me. I haven't even gotten to know the last couple of women. Just flirting, good vibes and poof! Gone. This one girl we emailed each other and it seemed to being going in the right direction but then she disappeared. No explanation. Nothing. I didn't even get I'm seeing someone else or "I don't see this working out, going anywhere" line. I know she had a crush on me as we've seen each other in person, and had info passed back to me from a mutual friend. She couldn't even look at me in the eye when she would see me. Head down. I really liked her and tried to convey this in email which she responded to, but in person she would see me and get all fidgety(sp?). I haven't heard from her in awhile. To women: why do you run away, if you like the guy? When this has happened to me it means someone else came along. Maybe a guy she's known for a while and always crushed on became available or an ex. Someone that's already in her circle that she knows. Also, I've noticed there is a kind of momentum when two people are flirting. If something busts that momentum like a weird vibe, a missed date, etc things just kind of fade away. If you're leaving everything up to e-mails that's probably half the problem. Secure a date as soon as possible. Then if she gives a second one that's a good sign. Trying to figure out what happened without even having a first date is hopeless. There wasn't enough history there to work with to make sense of it.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Sometimes when people up and disapear it's for no other reason than that they simply changed their minds. Maybe she was overun with hormones/feelings and then they vanished. It happens often for men and women.
threebyfate Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 This is what happens when guys take forever to go or no go. The next time opportunity knocks, grab hold and run with it.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Trying to figure out what happened without even having a first date is hopeless. There wasn't enough history there to work with to make sense of it. The whole thing is weird. Almost like dealing with a high school girl.
Author truth_seeker Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 This is what happens when guys take forever to go or no go. The next time opportunity knocks, grab hold and run with it. You're 100% right. I had a great opportunity and my testicles disappeared on me.
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