Mindfr3ak Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I already had a thread here,and i asked if my ex will ever come back to me.In the end,many of you helped me heal and move on since she just said she wont be back.We argued over it for a full week even after people here told me i should stick with NC.I just couldnt let go.So 5 days ago i told myself that it cant go on this way,and i went NC.It really helped me finish my healing and i finally accepted its over for good,and that she just isnt the same person i was with for 2 years.But,after just 5 days of NC,she texted me saying she misses me,that she is crying and sorry for what she did to me.I didnt reply to that,so about ten minutes after that she texted me again,saying that if we get back together,i will leave her since she doesnt want to show any emotions for some time,because she is afraid to get hurt again.I replied to her that i dont believe she would be so cold and emotionless when she sees me,and in a way i was right,so we kept on texting eachother,and in the end she told me that she thinks about me constantly,that she misses me and the time we spent together,that she loves me the same way she loved me before,but the most shocking thing for me is that she said she wanted to marry me.She didnt say those words for about 4 months,and i guess my defence mechanism turned on and i said that i dont believe her,that she is just using me as a pillow when she is sad.I guess that was wrong for me to do,since we started arguing over the problems again,but not the old ones,it was a problem which i never considered to be big,the distance.We live 220 kilometers from eachother,and although it is a problem that we cant see eachother daily,its not that big of a deal,i mean i will come to live there in about ten months,but she keeps saying that she needs me there by her side every day,and that she cant be in a LDR again,its too much for her.So,we continued arguing over it and in the end,she told me that she loves me,that there is noone better than me for her and that we might get back together,but she needs space to sort out her priorities in life. So my question now is,should i just give her that "space" she wants,or is it just a trick so she can be sure i will be there for her until she finds someone better,even though she told me that there is no better one for her than me.I just dont know if i should believe her words and give her that space,or leave her and continue my life even if i still love her and care about her in every single way. Again,sorry for any grammatical mistakes
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 She sounds very fishy to me, her arguments dont add up. "I need you " "Wanna see you everyday"...just not now Thats an ambush. Cut contact and stay strong. In the meant time, move on and give yourself a chance to live drama free. 200 kms from each other ? Thats not much. And since you mention kilometers I guess this is in Europe. I already had a thread here,and i asked if my ex will ever come back to me.In the end,many of you helped me heal and move on since she just said she wont be back.We argued over it for a full week even after people here told me i should stick with NC.I just couldnt let go.So 5 days ago i told myself that it cant go on this way,and i went NC.It really helped me finish my healing and i finally accepted its over for good,and that she just isnt the same person i was with for 2 years.But,after just 5 days of NC,she texted me saying she misses me,that she is crying and sorry for what she did to me.I didnt reply to that,so about ten minutes after that she texted me again,saying that if we get back together,i will leave her since she doesnt want to show any emotions for some time,because she is afraid to get hurt again.I replied to her that i dont believe she would be so cold and emotionless when she sees me,and in a way i was right,so we kept on texting eachother,and in the end she told me that she thinks about me constantly,that she misses me and the time we spent together,that she loves me the same way she loved me before,but the most shocking thing for me is that she said she wanted to marry me.She didnt say those words for about 4 months,and i guess my defence mechanism turned on and i said that i dont believe her,that she is just using me as a pillow when she is sad.I guess that was wrong for me to do,since we started arguing over the problems again,but not the old ones,it was a problem which i never considered to be big,the distance.We live 220 kilometers from eachother,and although it is a problem that we cant see eachother daily,its not that big of a deal,i mean i will come to live there in about ten months,but she keeps saying that she needs me there by her side every day,and that she cant be in a LDR again,its too much for her.So,we continued arguing over it and in the end,she told me that she loves me,that there is noone better than me for her and that we might get back together,but she needs space to sort out her priorities in life. So my question now is,should i just give her that "space" she wants,or is it just a trick so she can be sure i will be there for her until she finds someone better,even though she told me that there is no better one for her than me.I just dont know if i should believe her words and give her that space,or leave her and continue my life even if i still love her and care about her in every single way. Again,sorry for any grammatical mistakes
Author Mindfr3ak Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Hm,she does want me and needs me,but im really confused why isnt she ready for a relationship if she said all those things."I love you,and I miss you,I really do,Im constantly thinking of you and Im sorry for all things I've done to you."Those were her exact words,but she also said that she needs space to get her life in order,and then she will think of getting together with me. And yes,Im from europe
MissBrunette84 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Is there another guy anywhere in this picture?
NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 She's trying to hold on to you in case whatever she's doing doesn't work out...a red flag if I've ever seen one.
Author Mindfr3ak Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 There was a guy,but he was a rebound,she figured out what she did,and broke up with him after about 2 weeks.She even called him an idiot when i mentioned him after the break up.As far as i know they arent even speaking anymore.That was the only guy in the picture.
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I bet you whatever you want that she still sees him. Lets dont forget about the distance thing. Never trust anybody or circumstances when things dont add up! Stay clear and move on, she got bad news all over the place. Europe, may I ask which country ? Asking you due to mind set and mentality. There was a guy,but he was a rebound,she figured out what she did,and broke up with him after about 2 weeks.She even called him an idiot when i mentioned him after the break up.As far as i know they arent even speaking anymore.That was the only guy in the picture.
Author Mindfr3ak Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) I bet you whatever you want that she still sees him. Lets dont forget about the distance thing. Never trust anybody or circumstances when things dont add up! Stay clear and move on, she got bad news all over the place. Europe, may I ask which country ? Asking you due to mind set and mentality. I've got to disagree with you on that point.Her closest friends are telling me that she even thinks that he is a mistake in her life(and they never lied to me,even when they could've lied,they told me the absolute truth about every information they gave me),and she didnt lie to me either,when she told me she loved me and that she misses me,she was telling the truth,the only thing im confused about is why does she need a break to get her life in order when i would be there for her,even helping her solve every problem she has. For the question,im from Serbia,but i dont like stereotyping people by the fact where they live. Edited May 20, 2012 by Mindfr3ak
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Stereotyping ? Never crossed my mind, your call,not mine. Anyways,I see red flags here when you trying to excuse her behavior. Wouldnt you accept help from your loved one and on the process being together ? Think simple !!!!! See, thats where her story doesnt add up and you should look into this, not on what she says. I went through similar exprience some time ago, and all she intended was to place me as Plan B...just in case... I've got to disagree with you on that point.Her closest friends are telling me that she even thinks that he is a mistake in her life(and they never lied to me,even when they could've lied,they told me the absolute truth about every information they gave me),and she didnt lie to me either,when she told me she loved me and that she misses me,she was telling the truth,the only thing im confused about is why does she need a break to get her life in order when i would be there for her,even helping her solve every problem she has. For the question,im from Serbia,but i dont like stereotyping people by the fact where they live.
Author Mindfr3ak Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Stereotyping ? Never crossed my mind, your call,not mine. Anyways,I see red flags here when you trying to excuse her behavior. Wouldnt you accept help from your loved one and on the process being together ? Think simple !!!!! See, thats where her story doesnt add up and you should look into this, not on what she says. I went through similar exprience some time ago, and all she intended was to place me as Plan B...just in case... Well in a way i am trying to excuse her behavior,but still i've already healed and if she doesnt want to be with me,or playing some kind of game to keep me as plan B for her,i have no problem telling her that i wont be there anymore for her,and thats what i already told her yesterday.The reason im excusing her behavior is because i hurt her with my words in our fights in the past,and that happened many times,but now i learned to not speak before i think about what im saying,and that it wont happen again.But she on the other hand,still has a little wall that protects her,and she told me that herself.She just doesnt believe i wont hurt her again,and thats the whole reason she wants to think about getting with me again.That leads us to the "space" thing.My logic tells me that she needs that space because she has too many problems to think about now,her education,her family etc. and thats why she told me that she needs the space.Once the problems are solved,she will think about our relationship,so my guess is that because of our fights in the past she sees the relationship as a job,which is in many ways wrong. P.S. Sorry for the huge post
mephisto Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I dont agree one bit with you. Its your life and your ex but you should look at it from outside. Leave your emotions outside of this and talk to your guts!!! I so hope to be wrong and you right, really. But I have been in sooo many situations and all the same. Anyways, it wont hurt you to watch your back and have ready a Plan B. Well in a way i am trying to excuse her behavior,but still i've already healed and if she doesnt want to be with me,or playing some kind of game to keep me as plan B for her,i have no problem telling her that i wont be there anymore for her,and thats what i already told her yesterday.The reason im excusing her behavior is because i hurt her with my words in our fights in the past,and that happened many times,but now i learned to not speak before i think about what im saying,and that it wont happen again.But she on the other hand,still has a little wall that protects her,and she told me that herself.She just doesnt believe i wont hurt her again,and thats the whole reason she wants to think about getting with me again.That leads us to the "space" thing.My logic tells me that she needs that space because she has too many problems to think about now,her education,her family etc. and thats why she told me that she needs the space.Once the problems are solved,she will think about our relationship,so my guess is that because of our fights in the past she sees the relationship as a job,which is in many ways wrong. P.S. Sorry for the huge post
MissBrunette84 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I dont agree one bit with you. Its your life and your ex but you should look at it from outside. Leave your emotions outside of this and talk to your guts!!! I so hope to be wrong and you right, really. But I have been in sooo many situations and all the same. Anyways, it wont hurt you to watch your back and have ready a Plan B. My gut instinct told me as soon as I saw this, this woman has another guy somewhere or in mind.
Author Mindfr3ak Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Hm,ok,i will listen to your advice and have a plan B in my mind,since it doesnt hurt me like it used to.I've healed and im not in that "omg how will i ever live without her,my life is over" phase.I told her yesterday that i dont want to wait and potentially be a plan B in her head,even though it would be silly,she never,even after our break up,used me in any way for something,so i said goodbye to her,and today i got a good morning text,and i havent recieved one in 4 months,but i ignored it. Oh yeah,and i forgot one thing.Her friends told me that she is wearing the necklace i gave her for our anniversary for about 3 weeks now,even though she said she will never wear it again.
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