Coffee20 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Can they really be just friends? Or is there always the fact that one of them will fall in love later or expect from their friendship more in the future?
d'Arthez Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Men and women can be friends. As long as the men and women don't become friends with the ulterior motive to screw.
DuchessKaye Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Can they really be just friends? Or is there always the fact that one of them will fall in love later or expect from their friendship more in the future? They can... I have one guy best friend. He is cute and sexy. I love him as a friend but I can never be in love with him.
EasyHeart Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 If you have to ask the question, then the answer is probably "no".
Author Coffee20 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 If you have to ask the question, then the answer is probably "no". the reason why I ask is because I used to have very good male friends and they all fall in love with me, so we are not friends anymore now I have a very good friend, I really enjoy his company, still I don't want to lose him as a friend but I am worried he might feel something more
Pianiste Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I have guy friends but all of them have felt something for me in the past, or still do. I don't believe it's possible around my age (mid 20's) to have a pure friendly relationship between a man and woman. I'm pretty sure that my male friends would jump to the opportunity if it presented itself. But as long as you are aware of that as a girl and keep your guard up you can pretend to have a normal friendship with them, hihi. Perhaps when both parties are in a good relationship, preferably settled down, that it becomes possible. :-) 1
carhill Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I would say it's possible if the man isn't attracted in any way and his attraction style is predominantly sexual/visual. As men are socialized to sexually pursue any attractive female, or at least want to pursue (should she be otherwise committed), it's a difficult behavior to break. This is evidenced by men who continue to pursue women after in a committed relationship/marriage, even if benignly as 'friends'. If I had to be perfectly honest, my sincere platonic friendships with women only existed prior to losing my virginity. After, there were always sexual undertones on my side, even if I ignored/hid them, relevant to my unique attraction style which doesn't turn upon visual sexual parameters. The most honest friendships since have been more superficial friendships where the women remained more emotionally closed and distant. One data point.
Brit Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 Hi, I believe you can, but it really depends on the circumstances, and is unique to each individual's circumstances. I have had male/female friendships work and others not work. I have a recent male friend who does not speak to me at all anymore, but it was just the normal, he/she has a girlfriend/boyfriend, and other strange circumstances in which the friendship does not last. Sometimes friendships can resurface and then again those in which the bonds were not strong enough do not. When I was younger, I had a best friend, lover, soulmate, who I thought we would be together forever, but I was much younger, he had a different type lifestyle, made mistakes. I was pregnant, he was elated, but due to some bad decisions, and problems, my age, I was basically forced into a late term abortion, because of many unknowns. I was completely healthy, and there was nothing wrong at all with the baby. He was vey angry/sullen for some time of the decision, that he had no part in it, and would not speak to me for what seemed like ages, and I went into a long time of mourning, but after some time, the friendship bond was there, strong enough, that we became the closest of friends again. I am soooo relieved of how it turned out, because he is no longer living, and I would never have healed had we not been close again with forgiveness. If you are worried about some fleeting friendship, then I would take it lightly and not worry too much if it is compatible or not.
oldshirt Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 the reason why I ask is because I used to have very good male friends and they all fall in love with me, so we are not friends anymore now I have a very good friend, I really enjoy his company, still I don't want to lose him as a friend but I am worried he might feel something more If he has a pulse and is breathing he is feeling something more. If you are wanting someone to be completely emasculated and asexual and not have any sexual dynamics come into the relationship at all it just isn't going to happen. Now some men are too passive and timid to make any moves and overtly try to get you into bed but they are still hoping that you will go for it. And many guys will erroneously think that if they befriend you and do nice things for you and be there little cuddle-bunny and errand boy that you will develop romantic/sexual feelings for them. Non of those things have to be deal breakers but you do need to know that they exist. And if you want the "friendship" to continue you have to set definate boundries and enforce them. The risk you'll take is that once they fully realize and accept that you aren't sexually attracted to them and aren't going to be they will likely move and try to find a woman that will have romantic/sexual feelings for them. It is your right to have a platonic friendship without romantic/sexual entanglements but you have a responsibility to them to inform them of your boundries and intentions. And you also need to accept that they will likely move on once they realize that romance/sexuality will never be part of the equation. They have the responsibility to respect your boundries but they also have the right pursue their own wants, needs and best interests if you are providing what they want.
MrCastle Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 The short answer is: Depends. The long answer is: It is unnatural for a single man and a single woman to be friends if one is attracted to the other. You can't ask them to curb their sexual attraction, put their genitals in a box, and ask them to act like they have no interest in you. You can't help who you're attracted to. Typically what happens is, Person A falls for Person B; Person B is not interested so they offer Person A a consolation prize--"friendship". This is not a true friendship as Person B was just looking for a nice way to reject Person A. Person A, accepting table scraps with the belief that "hey, it's better than nothing!...maybe one day!" actually thinks it's a real friendship but it isn't. They get used by Person B to feed their ego and do things for them without getting anything in return. There's two conditions under which i think a friendship can work 1.) You dated first and for one reason or another, it didn't work out romantically, but you still like them as a person and want them to remain in your life 2.) You both share a mutual unattraction for each other, but you think of them as cool people so you keep them in your life. If one person has feelings for the other, it can't work
coltsfan1 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I have one good female fiend that is single, however I have 5 or 6 female friends that are married. I started as friends with their husbands and now I am also friends with the wives now. However I will say that I NEVER spend time alone, call or text with any of the wives. If I want advice/opinions from them I just talk to the husbands and the wives together. I think men and women can be friends, but the way the friendship goes is VERY reliant on how the male treats the ladies other half. I have a very close couple that I am friends with. I was in their wedding, I love the guy like a brother and the wife like a sister. However, the wife had a male friend prior to meeting her husband (my friend) the male friend and the husband never hit it off and now she isn't friends with the guy anymore. I met the male friend twice and I never thought he was going to be a problem, but my opinion didn't hold weight in this situation.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Thank you all for your answers, I will just take it as it is, we still treat each other as friends so I will just enjoy our friendship. I like him as my friend, of course I am always honest about my feelings.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 the reason why I ask is because I used to have very good male friends and they all fall in love with me, Men have zero interest in becoming mere 'friends' with women who they wouldn't rather be banging. Your previous experiences are the norm. Such friendships work for women as they can go out and get sex anywhere, and don't need to reciprocate the underlying feelings with any one particular person.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 As long as he's gay, or a eunuch, then there is always the chance of a guy wanting more. That's just how life goes.
WhiteChocolate Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Women fall for perfectly healthy heterosexual non-castrated men who don't want to be in a relationship with them too.
Tiera D Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Yup i knew there is a reason why i have minimal girl buddies and have only a gud gf..because i have no attraction to the rest of them i see no need to attract them or be gud buddies with the other girls..So my answer is no Male buddies+girl buddies=possible future relationship TD
monkey00 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 It's possible but I don't think it would be a good idea to talk/hangout too often. In some friendships there is constant sexual tension and some there are not. And if there is an opposite sex friendship, more likely than not one person wants to get into the other's pants. When I was on vacation I had met this Australian and we hung out together, drank together, dined together, or with other friends for over a week. We traveled to different cities together. One time we even shared a bed together accidentally. I could consider her a friend, though there have been a few times where I felt some sexual tension/awkwardness...which I mostly just brushed off. I have no romantic interest in her at all, but friendships can be weird when you don't know what the other person is thinking. Anyway I think strong friendships can make for lasting relationships if it does become more than platonic.
irc333 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 One time we even shared a bed together accidentally. This is an impossiblity. lol
mtber75 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 I have guy friends but all of them have felt something for me in the past, or still do. I don't believe it's possible around my age (mid 20's) to have a pure friendly relationship between a man and woman. I'm pretty sure that my male friends would jump to the opportunity if it presented itself. But as long as you are aware of that as a girl and keep your guard up you can pretend to have a normal friendship with them, hihi. Perhaps when both parties are in a good relationship, preferably settled down, that it becomes possible. :-) This is right...In my 20s if I had a attractive female friend, I would jump at the chance to be with her romantically because of the raging hormones and my immature behaviors. But I'm in my 30s and I view oppose sex friendship not only possible, but I encourage it! What better way to get insights on how women think than through your female friends!
oaks Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Can they really be just friends? Or is there always the fact that one of them will fall in love later or expect from their friendship more in the future? Yes and No in that order. I don't think we've done this topic before.
piggyoink Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Yesterday I went shopping with my friend who is female. Nothing special here.
Teal Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 Settle the prospect of whether or not you want to seriously pursue anything further early on, and yes. No more drama than in regular friendships, where things equally as bad as hidden desire can crop up. I also don't think that mild attraction should be a problem, though I understand why things will go so badly if the desire is more than fleeting. Some degree of attraction and the presence of genuine friendship and positive influence has never been mutually exclusive in my social circles, and as we've grown up there's been less and less drama and more solid, meaningful friendships between males and females, both paired and unpaired. We stopped needing to chase every shiny thing that crosses our paths like little kittens some time ago. Just because we could potentially pursue something doesn't mean it's a path we should take if it doesn't seem like a particularly smart choice to make.
dasein Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 I have several female friends I'm attracted to and vice versa. For whatever reason, a friendship is sometimes a better outcome than sex or romance.
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