Toru Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 Hey guys and girls, The story of my breakup is here, if you're interested in the whole story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/320124-today-really-tough-day-me She called me this week to hear if I maybe wanted to meet up. She said she needed to tell me some things but that she would be okay if I didn't want to. I gave it some thought and eventually decided to meet her, as I wanted to see how I felt when I saw her after 3 months. I've been doing pretty good myself, trying to forget her. Working on myself, etc... We talked for about 3.5 hours. I noticed she matured a lot, but still had the same problems she had when she broke up with me. She apologised for the way she broke up with me (on a skitrip, after having never talked to me about how she felt). In hindsight, she thinks she wouldn't have broken up with me at that time. She also felt that after 3 months, she wasn't really far in the 'getting over me' process, and she thought about me a lot. I admitted to doing the same thing. Then why did she broke up with me? She felt immature, and dependent. I always did things like drive her around, book trips, fix her computer, etc. She had the feeling she could never do anything for me and that she was being kept 'small'. This was absolutely true. I did almost everything for her, and she never asked to do something herself because she thought I'd probably do it better anyway. She feels that now she is being more independent. She booked a trip to go to Valencia to meet a friend, she is getting her drivers license soon. All the things she said made me find her even more attractive, as she is becoming a mature beautiful person who I would fall for 100%. She said she still loves me, and that she still imagines a future together. She wants the next relationship she's in to be 'the one that sticks' and she admitted to having fear of commitment with me. We've known each other since she was 16 and I was 18 and she had trouble believing this was already it, for the rest of her life. She doesn't want to just go around town because she is all for durable lasting relationships and will have to love someone before she takes any step forward. We compared ourself to her cousin who recently got married to her highschool sweetheart, but they broke up for 1.5 year to realise they couldn't miss each other. We both don't feel the need to have multiple relationships before we settle down, but she feels the need to explore herself and be alone before she can. We ended the meeting with a hug that lasted 5 mins and that had sparks flying all over the place. She was shivering and when I asked if it was because we were outside or because she was holding me she answered:"both". When I told her that when she was sure she wanted to settle down (with me) and go for 'the big one', she didn't have to feel too shy or stubborn to call me she replied: "When I want you for the rest of my life, I'm not going to call you, I'm going to stand at your door to declare my love." That one was nice to hear. Nothing has changed though. She loves me, she probably won't be in another relationship soon. But she can't be with me. I love her to pieces, I'm not frightened of her for the rest of my life. She has her faults but at the end of the day I'm still gut wrenched that she isn't there falling asleep beside me. So still there is nothing else left for me to do than try to forget her and move on with my life. I have no guarantee that she will in fact stand at my door in the future. But all this talking made me realise again I want her to be my wife. To be the mother of my children. That I see a future with her. So I'm hoping and I feel less inclined to maintain NC. I won't call her anytime soon but after having heard all this I can see myself picking up the phone in a month or two. I have no idea where to go from here, remembering the electricty there still is between us two. Thx for reading!
Savage4 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on your situation. I would say your breakup was definitely all about her and that you didn't do anything wrong in your relationship. It seems very illogical but many times people end relationships because their significant other does too much for them. They don't feel like it is a "relationship" because they are getting so much from their significant other but can't give back nearly as much. They feel very lopsided and even guilty that they are dragging you down or holding you back. People like a challenge... This is why many people seek out partners that are damaged or don't have their s**t together. They want to 'fix' these people as it gives them a sense of accomplishment. Once again, it seems crazy but it is human nature. Besides this it also sounds like your gf has a case of the GIGS. She probably needs some time to be single for a while or see what else is out there. I think you are right that there is a chance she will eventually come back to you. In the mean time keep going NC or very little contact and continue to live your life.
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