Self-deprecating humor

[g450]

On the contrary, I think covering up your insecurities with a false mask of confidence makes you weak and insecure.

 

In my case I prefer to call it "keeping it to myself" rather than "covering up your insecurities".

 

We all have insecurities but they are like dirty underwear IMO. Would you joke about the later in front of a lady?

 

I used to be like the OP. In my case I was a beta male from years of being emasculated by my XW. That is not the case any more.

 

I think most women would be turned off by it. I used to revert back to my old habbit and my Fiancee would tell me "why do you do that to yourself, I dont like it when you do that. I love you so stop it!"

 

When a woman loves you she will try to build you up. When you put yourself down even in humor you are sabotaging what she is doing for you.

 

Nothing wrong with showing your humility, but there are better ways of doing that without putting yourself down in front of another human being.

 

And as Titania said, when you do that, the other person may take it the wrong way. i.e. I want pity, I want reassurance, I dont like myself, I have issues, Im a beta male etc. The list goes on. Doesnt matter what your real intentions were at the time.

[whitefire]

Mmm, okay, I think there's a bit of misunderstanding between what my definition of self-deprecating humor is and what others think it is. To me, it's not as negative or strong as others are portraying it to be. It's not about cracking one-liners intended to get a laugh, but instead an overall tone that reflects one's personality. Others may have a different idea of what it is, and that's fine.

 

People like others who have a sense of humility. That's my main point. I've met a number of guys who make fun of others but will never point that perception on themselves. I find this to be very weak. A strong-willed person is not afraid to make fun of themselves in front of others, because even if others give the blank stare or nervous chuckle, as people on this board have described, it doesn't matter.

 

I make fun of everything around me, including myself, Does this help me with women? I don't know...I suppose that's the primary question I was asking in this thread, because I was curious. Whether it does or doesn't, I'm not going to change that part about me, because I like it.

 

This thread offered some good insights, but ultimately I feel like it won't lead anywhere because with the kind of humor I'm referring to, it's difficult to express on the spot (particularly through text on a forum). It's more of a natural and improvised thing that you don't give much thought to. That being said, thank you all for your input. I'm heading out and won't check this thread again.

[g450]

As I posted earlier. You dont have to put yourself down to show humility. You can do that in a more constructive way Im sure.

 

I was going to ask you to post an example of your self deprecating humor and we will in turn tell you how we read it from our perspectives and what we think of you afterwards.

 

To me personally it sounds like self loathing and you seem to think it works with the ladies. Good luck with that.

Edited May 23, 2012 by g450

[Almond_Joy]

I make fun of a lot of things, but above all else I make fun of myself. I find that the most fulfilling kind of humor is the honest kind, where I can take negative or imperfect things I do and bring light to them.

 

A friend told me today that I do this too much around women. He said that self-deprecating humor makes you seem weak and insecure. I disagreed. A guy would make himself seem weak and insecure if he was legitimately feeling bad about himself while making fun of himself. If he talks about his idiosyncrasies or shortcomings and laughs at them, I feel like that shows more confidence than boasting about his strengths, or only pointing his humor at others.

 

Out of curiosity, I browsed this topic a bit, and found a lot of people telling guys to avoid self-deprecating humor around women. I don't really understand this.

 

Anyone have any thoughts?

 

The attractiveness of this trait depends a lot on context for me.

 

For instance, if the guy's making unwarranted jabs at himself, I read insecurity.

 

If the guy makes fun of himself when he's done something silly/absentminded/quirky, I find it very attractive.

 

If the guy makes fun of himself right after he's said something disrespectful/hurtful/offensive, I read it as arrogance, and/or a pre-emptive attempt to trivialize someone else's feeling of being offended/hurt.

 

I think what self-deprecating humor portrays to someone else depends heavily on how well the person knows you, which is probably why it's recommended not to use it in the early stages of dating.