Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[soccerrprp]

Tradition Demotivator® - Demotivational posters from Despair.com

 

I get what you were intending to convey and I agree with the message, but it doesn't jive with my view on this.

 

I'm saying that most women ALREADY have that expectation, so one should not be surprised or unprepared to pay.

 

It's incredibly humorous that every woman I've dated has traditional views on who pays and yet there are some declaring a new age of thinking regarding this. I hear a lot about how things should be in the post-feminist era, but how many of you guys have actually dated many women who have offered or paid for your meals?

 

Also, that pic and message is hardly appropriate for this discussion. There's nothing INCREDIBLY STUPID about a woman being traditional and expecting the man to pay for meals.

 

What the heck. I haven't had problems playing the traditional role and it's paid off for me, so no need to change....

[johan]

After months of solitude, Guy meets Girl online and gets her to agree to go on a date. "What time should I expect you? Do you want my address?"

 

Guy says, "Just meet me there," then thinking to himself, "if you think I'm going to burn gasoline driving your selfish ass around, you've got another thing coming."

 

"Ok...," Girl says.

 

When they meet at the restaurant bar, things get off to a pleasant start, but she notices he keeps checking out her purse. She even moves it back and forth from arm to arm, and watches his gaze follow it. Like a cat's. Finally he asks, "so is your wallet in there? You got money, right?"

 

He walks with a slight limp as they make their way from the lounge to their table. "Are you hurt? You seem to be in pain." "Oh no, that's nothing. Just a little tendonitis." But when they sit down she notices the square outline of what must be his wallet, attached to his leg, underneath his pants. "I think he has his wallet taped to his leg... could that be?"

 

When the check arrives after dinner, he freezes. She looks at him, and he looks at her. "Is he trembling? I think he's trembling. What is it? Fear, anger?... Gosh, he looks really upset. What did I do?" Then she realizes what he's onto.

 

"Would you like to split the bill?" she offers. At which point he seems relieved and says with a little shrug, "oh, that? Oh, sure, yeah, let's split it. That would be fine with me... yeah, have it your way."

 

He immediately grabs his fork and uses it to open up the bill. He carefully positions the bill exactly between them and sideways so they can both read it.

 

"You didn't want to touch the bill with your fingers?" she asks.

 

He pauses and looks at her. "What do you mean? "You didn't touch it either."

 

As he continues to scan the figures, he says, "hm.. remember when I let you try my salad? That bite you took? Looks like that's about 35 cents worth. You want to pick that up?"

 

"Sure." She says quietly. Then she sits back a little and tells him, "Why don't you just tell me what's my total."

 

After he tears his wallet loose with a short scream that startles her and him and everyone else, they settle their accounts. On the way out of the restaurant he stands at the door waiting for her to open it. "Women's lib, right?" he says in a sheepish sort of shameless way with a chuckle.

 

"Oh right."

 

Stepping out into the parking lot, he remarks, "I'd just like to tell you, you have a real pretty mouth." Her pace quickens, then so does his. In an ambling sort of way. And she notices he seems hairier and more hunched over than she remembers. How did his hair get so messed up? A bit disheveled and heavier.

 

"Were his arms really that long?" she thinks as he draws near and lifts them above her

 

"Mongo want kiss!"

 

"Uh.. well, be careful with that... I'm actually just getting over the stomach flu!" she says as she backpedals and fakes a small heave. "I'm not even feeling so great right now." Another heave and she watches his face. Heave?

 

"Oh.. Mongo no want flu! But Mongo want second date."

 

"Uh... well, I guess I have to say you seem like a great guy, uh... good with money... but I guess we're not really a match. I'm actually just not ready for a relationship, I guess. I'm taking some time off from dating. You know how it goes... I'm a lesbian?"

 

"Oh," Guy says. "Yeah, right. Whatever. You're just like all the rest. B*tch."

[serial muse]

This is the same way men feel when we are asked to do certain things just because are a man.

 

This is a very good post. ITA that no one should be expected to do something simply based on gender, whether it's cook a meal or pay for dinner.

[Simon Phoenix]

I hear a lot about how things should be in the post-feminist era, but how many of you guys have actually dated many women who have offered or paid for your meals?

 

Me, multiple times.

[Anela]

very classy post. insult someones personal appearance because you don't like their opinion about dating. high class broad, right here.

 

nah, the picture isn't mine. i have one more revelation for you. brace yourself. my real name isn't poops mcfarts.

 

i am not even going to attempt a discussion with you because your reading comprehension skills are too low to grasp the actual point of my initial post. and no, it wasn't "omg i am mad because i had to pay for this girls coffee what do i do???"

 

Your username doesn't exactly exude class.

 

I can cook. I can't guarantee you'll like the result, but I've made food for my whole family. I was taught to do my laundry, and cook a few things, from an early age, because my mother had a full-time job, and it helped her out. My dinner tonight was raw vegan "tacos" made from a spiced walnut mixture, with homemade salsa, and collard green wraps. If I'd asked you over to dinner, and presented you with that (not that I would, unless I knew you liked that sort of thing), I wouldn't wait until you'd finished eating, and then present you with a bill for your share.

 

It's the attitude. I could understand it, if you'd only just met someone, and they expected you to fly them to New York for a romantic evening. Nobody's asking you to do that, are they? Or for the $200 dinner - although it is nice to be spoiled at times, so if someone can afford it, and they wanted to. I wouldn't ask for it, though.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Anela

[Anela]

My mother was engaged to a man who was extremely frugal. She ended it after he announced to a friend of hers, that he was sending me and my sister off to boarding school, once they were married. The second thing that annoyed her was that he decided - without discussing anything with her first - that he was going to take early retirement, and have her keep working (to pay for the boarding school that she'd never agreed to, and to support them both).

 

This guy lied about his age; turned out he was older than he'd initially told her. He gave soap to his sister every Christmas. He was an accountant, who had done well for himself, yet he gave his sister soap. (she just smiled and said, "Thank you, David. What would I do without your soap?") My mother worked over-time to buy nice things for us, and other friends and loved ones.

He even saved our ice cream, if we couldn't eat the whole bowl (of melted Viennetta); I don't remember eating it again, at his house after that, unless it was a fresh slice from it right out of the box.

 

He made his own wine, and then asked for the bottles back at some point, stating, "Well, you know, they are 2p each!"

 

On her birthday, he presented her with fake, cheap presents at first. Nothing that you would expect for a birthday present from a fiance. When she responded politely, he pulled out a proper gift. He was testing her, to see if she was a gold digger - my mother, who worked hard her whole life.

 

He basically wooed my sister and I with computer games, and a nice large bedroom, with a huge double bed, but it was all a facade. He wanted our mother, not us, and it seemed that he wanted a young wife and maid, not a partner. I couldn't believe it when her friend informed mum that he planned to send us away - she knew Mum would never go for that, and neither would we. Thank heavens he had a big mouth at that one party, otherwise, goodness knows how far they would have made it.

 

He stands out in my mind, because he was all about the surface, and didn't seem to actually care about people at all - only holding on to his precious money, like Scrooge.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Anela

[Sanman]

After months of solitude, Guy meets Girl online and gets her to agree to go on a date. "What time should I expect you? Do you want my address?" ....

 

 

"Oh.. Mongo no want flu! But Mongo want second date."

 

"Uh... well, I guess I have to say you seem like a great guy, uh... good with money... but I guess we're not really a match. I'm actually just not ready for a relationship, I guess. I'm taking some time off from dating. You know how it goes... I'm a lesbian?"

 

"Oh," Guy says. "Yeah, right. Whatever. You're just like all the rest. B*tch."

 

Years later she thought of Mongo as she stepped out of her BMW, clutching her Louis Vuitton purse, and makes her way to the Starbucks. How could she ever have dated such a disgusting human being...expecting her to pay for himself. She glances at the $12,000 engagement ring and thinks of her man. The smile becomes a frown. He never has time for her anymore. He was always at work or complaining about how much she was spending. And that beer belly was becoming so unattractive. Yet every time she told him her should get back to the gym, he complained about how he worked 80 hrs/wk to pay the bills and how she never took a job after the kid was at school all day. She kept her body fit for him with daily yoga classes, why couldn't he do the same? All thoughts of her husband fade as she steps into Starbucks and sees the barista, Lucas, at the counter. She flashes him a smile as she thinks about the wild tryst they had last week and his young toned body. She orders her non-fat caramel macchiato and slips him a sex glance. Maybe she will see him today as hubby is working late...as always and the kids are at sports.

 

Later that day, laying in Lucas' chiseled arms she wondered if she should serve her 'real man' with divorce papers. The lawyer said as long as she does not marry Lucas, she is entitled to half of everything and the two of them could live in comfort on hubby's alimony. Maybe she would stick around a little longer as she could keep avoiding sex with him. He was getting so old and fat.

 

Back at the office, Mongo glanced at her real man as he packed his bag to go go home. Sweat on his brow, popping his third Tums today to battle that ulcer, and looking like death warmed over and staying late again to make more moeny for her. Mongo just shook his head....dodged a bullet there.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Sanman

[johan]

Years later she thought of Mongo as she stepped out of her BMW, clutching her Louis Vuitton purse, and makes her way to the Starbucks. How could she ever have dated such a disgusting human being...expecting her to pay for himself. She glances at the $12,000 engagement ring and thinks of her man. The smile becomes a frown. He never has time for her anymore. He was always at work or complaining about how much she was spending. And that beer belly was becoming so unattractive. Yet every time she told him her should get back to the gym, he complained about how he worked 80 hrs/wk to pay the bills and how she never took a job after the kid was at school all day. She kept her body fit for him with daily yoga classes, why couldn't he do the same? All thoughts of her husband fade as she steps into Starbucks and sees the barista, Lucas, at the counter. She flashes him a smile as she thinks about the wild tryst they had last week and his young toned body. She orders her non-fat caramel macchiato and slips him a sex glance. Maybe she will see him today as hubby is working late...as always and the kids are at sports.

 

Later that day, laying in Lucas' chiseled arms she wondered if she should serve her 'real man' with divorce papers. The lawyer said as long as she does not marry Lucas, she is entitled to half of everything and the two of them could live in comfort on hubby's alimony. Maybe she would stick around a little longer as she could keep avoiding sex with him. He was getting so old and fat.

 

Back at the office, Mongo glanced at her real man as he packed his bag to go go home. Sweat on his brow, popping his third Tums today to battle that ulcer, and looking like death warmed over and staying late again to make more moeny for her. Mongo just shook his head....dodged a bullet there.

 

That's ridiculous! Never happens.

[Sanman]

That's ridiculous! Never happens.

 

Sure it does. Go to any upper middle class suburb and look around. Visit the gym in the middle of the day and you will see these women. Go to NYC, DC, Chicago, etc and find their husbands. I have met these women, a few have even flirted with me. The description of the husband was given to me years ago from an older female coworker that used to tell me of her of sexual exploits behind her husband's back every week after work. He was the older 30-something year old wealthy man that proposed to her in Paris when she married him in her early 20s. With him in his 50s and her a youthful 35, the story was different. She once even sat inches from me on my desk describing in detail a dream she had about having sex with me. I would have done her right there if it were not for the fact that she had children. Some lines I will not cross.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Sanman