gman1111 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I broke up with my ex a few years ago, she cheated on me and I was devastated. I had a really hard time getting over it. I didn't want the relationship to end but when I found out she dumped me and moved in with the guy in our apartment that we lived in for 4 years. After I went crazy, I began abusing alcohol and dating lots of women. I would go from one woman after the other. I was never like this. From time to time my ex would come around where I worked and it would be a nightmare for me. I would get drunk and end up sleeping around with more girls after I saw her. A year ago I became really good friends with a girl who went through something similar and we would have a good time together, she is different from my ex but we have nothing in common other than the fact she was cheated on too. A few moths ago my ex and the guy she cheated on me with moved away to a different state and I was really angry. I don't know why. I ended up going out and drinking and drinking for 2 weeks after I found out. I was miserable, i'm ashamed to admit it but I guess I was jealous. A few weeks ago I saw the girl who is going through something similar and I took her to all the old places I used to go to with my ex. I guess I wanted to test myself and see how if felt to make new memories with someone else, and I also wanted it to get back to my ex. I want her to know I moved on too. I also decided to make it official with this other girl and I asked her to move in with me but the other day my really close friend said I sound like I'm on the rebound, but I don't see how when I broke up with my ex 2 years ago. He said that because I am still feeling angry that I'm not over my ex and the girl I'm with is so different than my ex that I chose her on purpose. I think he is wrong, I laugh a lot with this other girl and she understands the betrayal I went through with my ex since she did too. I guess what I was wondering is if it sounds like my friend is right and I should rethink moving in with this other girl? She is moving from another state to be with me, and she is really excited about coming where i live since she always wanted to move here.
Svet74 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 You def have not let go of your ex. The first thing you have to do is find closure within yourself and forgive your ex for what she did. And actually forgive her for real. And let it go. Because your ex still has control over you even though you guys are not together anymore.
relationship_stuff Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Your friend might be right. You obviously have not forgiven your ex yet. But there is a possibility that your relationship with this girl might be something wonderful. I'd just suggest that you should take it slow and ask her to move in when you are absolutely sure about her. Seems like you are just doing this to let your ex know that you are moving on.
Chi townD Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 For years, you were holding a torch for your Ex. Waiting for an opportunity for their relationship to go south. It didn't happen. And you were always hoping beyond hope that she would come back to you. It didn't happen. You hooked up with other girls out of anger and solace after you saw your Ex. So, basically you used them. You never healed. You never were able to let go. Now, you have a girl that you have nothing in common with. Seems like you're not in love with her and she is nothing more than a consolation prize, " My Ex isn't coming back; I guess you'll do." No girl sould ever be second best in your heart. It's not fair to you and it's DEFINATELY not fair to her. I recommend that you go into IC and tackle this issues that you have. Then, take things really slow with this girl.
Author gman1111 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 you are both right. I don't think I have let go, but what I can't understand is why after all these years it bothers me so much that she moved. I was really messed up by it. She had always wanted to move to the city where she moved and we discussed it when we were together. I thought I was over her and was doing good. I wasn't sleeping around anymore and then when I found out she moved I got so angry, I couldn't stop drinking and I contacted this girl who is moving here. That's when my friend tried to talk sense into me. I feel so weird that after all these years this can still affect me this way.
Joaquin Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) Yes it sounds very much like haven't managed to detach emotionally from your ex. Someone suggested counselling which makes sense. The only other thing I can think of is perhaps laying off the booze for a while. That stuff can really mess you with your head, especially when your feeling very low, as you have for some time now. It also demotivates and so many other nasty things. As far as this new girl goes, I think you need to decide if you want to be with her and if so you should be absolutely upfront and honest about what's in your head. Tell her what she is dealing with before she makes an emotional commitment to you. Thats only fair. You may lose her, or you may not. But at least do right by the girl by being honest. Edited May 18, 2012 by Joaquin
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