Cypress25 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 She's not attracted to you physically. Sorry dude. Ha, I love it when people try to simplify a complicated situation. There are a million reasons why a 19-year-old girl might be hesitant about sex, but everyone jumps to the conclusion that she's not attracted to him. Then they offer their own personal experience as evidence to support their conclusion: "When I wasn't having sex with my boyfriend, it's because I wasn't attracted to him. Therefore, when any girl isn't having sex with her boyfriend, it's because she's not attracted to him." I once dated a guy for almost as long and we never had sex. I stuck around because he was amazing, but I couldn't have sex with him. The OP's girlfriend is not you. People are different. I once dated a guy for 2.5 years and never had sex with him. I loved him and I was insanely attracted to him, and there were times when I was tempted to have sex with him, but I controlled myself. I was a virgin, young, and not ready for sex. People delay sex for all kinds of reasons. Your reasons for not having sex may be different from another girl's reasons for not having sex. People are different.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Exactly. But this girl is NOT a virgin, so why else would she be withholding sex? It may not be the reason, but 90% of the time that's why. And it seems the most plausible given the info the OP has shared. If it's the most common answer, then there's obviously a reason why.
Cypress25 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Exactly. But this girl is NOT a virgin, so why else would she be withholding sex? She may very well be a virgin. Or she could have a history of rape/sexual abuse, which can easily make a woman afraid of sex. Or perhaps she had consensual sex in the past and it was bad, which could make her hesitant to try it again. There are so many possible reasons, the only way for the OP to find out is by getting her to talk about it. Not gonna be easy, but it has to be done. It may not be the reason, but 90% of the time that's why. 90% you say? Please stop pulling statistics out of your ass. You just made that up. You have no idea why other people delay sex, you're just guessing.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 She may very well be a virgin. Or she could have a history of rape/sexual abuse, which can easily make a woman afraid of sex. Or perhaps she had consensual sex in the past and it was bad, which could make her hesitant to try it again. There are so many possible reasons, the only way for the OP to find out is by getting her to talk about it. Not gonna be easy, but it has to be done. 90% you say? Please stop pulling statistics out of your ass. You just made that up. You have no idea why other people delay sex, you're just guessing. Okay. What other reasons can you come up with? I can only think of two: sexual abuse and medical condition. THe sexual abuse isn't likely because she has had sex before. If it was sexual abuse she wouldn't even get close to this guy to allow the possibility of sex. If it's a medical condition, after 10 months I'm PRETTY sure she would have told him. What else can you think of?
Quiet Storm Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I know because I have looked into the inflammatory, extremely exaggerated statistics behind the massive government/academic/feminist "abuse" industry. If you are going to offer such stats and expect them to be taken at face value without backup, you are being socially irresponsible. I don't want to thread jump, but you're wrong dude. It is not some government conspiracy. I am not a feminist. This happens to many people every day and people have to live with the far reaching effects of it. A government conspiracy? Why would the government want to make us look like a country full of pedophiles? Here are some links with stats and sources...but you won't believe them anyway. Child sexual abuse: What parents should know CDC - ACE Study - Prevalence - Adverse Childhood Experiences Child Lures© Prevention 1 of 6 boys, 1 of 4 girls, sexually abused - UPI.com 1
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/317510-my-25-year-old-virgin-gf http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/321234-broke-up-my-25-year-old-virgin-gf Here are two URLs to some of the problems I had with sex in a previous relationship. Difference is my girl is a virgin and older and we were only in a relationship for 2 months. In common between us is we both pushed for sex but didn't get any. Its been a month and a half since I broke up with her. I actually broke up 1 week before her birth control pill was gonna kick in and she promised sex. Though I don't like games and didn't like the lack of trust and constant distance. I waited a a couple of weeks before going back on eHarmony to make sure any emotions I had were gone. Met a beautiful girl, went into a closed relationship with her, we trust each other and have lots of sex. I know you don't want to give up on your relationship and all. Don't worry though, breakups happen and is a part of life. There are other girls out there that will make you much more happy. Remember relationships are suppose to go both ways of making compromises. Your sacrificing a lot for her, when is she gonna give you what you want? BUT If you still want to maintain a relationship with her but want to show her what your abstinence is like do the following. Don't make out with her or touch her intimately. Peck kisses and hugs. If she doesn't make the connection of what your doing and starts playing games then you know this relationship will end in a divorce 5 years from now. "Met a beautiful girl, went into a closed relationship with her, we trust each other and have lots of sex." nice. We just had a pretty good talk. I'm going to stick this one out. This girl is special.
dbave Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 "Met a beautiful girl, went into a closed relationship with her, we trust each other and have lots of sex." nice. We just had a pretty good talk. I'm going to stick this one out. This girl is special. Kudos to you. Sorry but I didn't mean to emphasize lots of sex. For some reason those three words stood out for you. I'm just saying girls are different in all sorts of manners. Anyway if she is special you should respect her no sex policy and consider this abstinence for the time being. Your on here to figure out why she doesn't want to have sex and very likely to found out if there is a way to turn that around to make her have sex with you so you can be satisfied. If she's so special, you should just get off this thread and be content with the fact that you may not have sex for a very long while.
Cypress25 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 What other reasons can you come up with? I can only think of two: sexual abuse and medical condition. THe sexual abuse isn't likely because she has had sex before. If it was sexual abuse she wouldn't even get close to this guy to allow the possibility of sex. Maybe it was her last sexual partner who abused her. Suppose she lost her virginity when she was 17, and then she was raped when she was 18. That would make for a very nervous 19-year-old, don't you think? If it's a medical condition, after 10 months I'm PRETTY sure she would have told him. Maybe, maybe not. Some people keep secrets from their partner for years. What else can you think of? All the stuff I mentioned in my previous posts? Maybe she trusted the wrong guy in the past and he broke her heart, and now she's reluctant to make herself vulnerable to another guy. Maybe she had a pregnancy scare in the past and wants to be extra-cautious from now on. Maybe she's just not ready to have sex yet. Just because someone has had sex before doesn't mean they were ready for it. I've known a lot of women who lost their virginity at a young age and they regret it, so it was a long time before they were ready to have sex again. They felt like they were too young the first time they had sex, so they wanted to wait until they were a few years older before doing it again. You don't have to be a virgin to be cautious about sex. I'm sure there are a million other reasons that I haven't even thought of. I know that when I was 19, I felt like I was way too young to have sex. I couldn't imagine being ready for sex at that age. I know a lot of teenagers are, but some of them aren't. I think her age has more to do with it than anything. Now I'm not a virgin, and I probably wouldn't wait 10 months with a new boyfriend, but I'm 26. Even if I had been sexually active when I was 19, I probably would have waited a damn long time before having sex with a new guy. Being so young, and being the cautious person that I was (and still am), I would have waited at least a year. I always figured, if the guy really loves me, he'll wait until I'm ready. 1
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Kudos to you. Sorry but I didn't mean to emphasize lots of sex. For some reason those three words stood out for you. I'm just saying girls are different in all sorts of manners. Anyway if she is special you should respect her no sex policy and consider this abstinence for the time being. Your on here to figure out why she doesn't want to have sex and very likely to found out if there is a way to turn that around to make her have sex with you so you can be satisfied. If she's so special, you should just get off this thread and be content with the fact that you may not have sex for a very long while. Yeah, it really did. I sat down and spoke to her, and a lot is going on with her. So, I'm willing to be there, comfort her, and wait. I'm just glad she finally opened up to me. This time, I wasn't so pushy and all about the sex talk. Anyway, I got some pretty good advice on here! Thank you fellas! 2
El Brujo Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I'm 22 and my gf is 19. We met in college and have been dating for 10 months(as said in title) and she is giving me mix signals as far as sex. One day she is cool with making out and touching, but once I go further she freaks out. She is not religious nor a virgin, so it's not that she is scared of sex. Even when I speak to her about her sexual history because she knows about mine, she answers but quickly changes the subject. It's very hard to talk to her about sex without her changing the subject or looking nervous. I'm not understanding her. I mean sex is not super important, but we're monogamous and I would think she would trust me by now. Any advice? Have you tried begging on your knees in front of her? 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Seriously? Everyone is making such a huge deal out of something so simple and obvious. If this way of thinking is comforting to the OP, by all means. But thinking this way won't change the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with him. He is wasting his time and I bet that if they do have sex, she won't enjoy it and they will breakup soon after. Wait and see. 1
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Seriously? Everyone is making such a huge deal out of something so simple and obvious. If this way of thinking is comforting to the OP, by all means. But thinking this way won't change the fact that she doesn't want to have sex with him. He is wasting his time and I bet that if they do have sex, she won't enjoy it and they will breakup soon after. Wait and see. Actually you are wrong..Miss Omniscient. I spoke to her, and she is going through a lot of personal issues. I respect her for telling me. And, not everyone is heartless. 1
mesmerized Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 This screams of sexual abuse in her past. I didn't read all the thread but do you know of anything like this that has happened to her?
Cypress25 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Seriously? Everyone is making such a huge deal out of something so simple and obvious. Seriously? You think you know the OP's girlfriend better than he does? Unless you are the OP's girlfriend, you're talking out of your ass because you have no idea what's going through her mind. It's one thing to suggest possibilities, but here you are, claiming to know the answer with absolute certainty even though you don't know either of the people involved and you know nothing about their relationship. It's bad enough to jump to conclusions the way you did, but now you're insisting that your baseless conclusions must be right, despite evidence to the contrary? You asked for other reasons why a 19-year-old girl might delay sex with her boyfriend, and I gave you a multitude of perfectly valid reasons. But you just dismissed all of them because you like your reason better. Is it really so hard for you to imagine that not all women are like you? 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Actually you are wrong..Miss Omniscient. I spoke to her, and she is going through a lot of personal issues. I respect her for telling me. And, not everyone is heartless. Oh I see. So she has been going through these personal issues for the past 10 months?
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Oh I see. So she has been going through these personal issues for the past 10 months? No, she has been going through this for years. No human being has drastic things happen to them as a child into their teen years and gets up like they are super heros. It's not going to happen....
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Well I hope she gets better and it's good that you are by her side through it.
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 This screams of sexual abuse in her past. I didn't read all the thread but do you know of anything like this that has happened to her? Yeah, bro she was...she just told me. I'm not sure what to do now except talk her through it.
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Well I hope she gets better and it's good that you are by her side through it. I hope so too. Of course, she is a very special person, and deserves it.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Isnt that harsh? We have been dating for almost a year! No, it's not harsh. It's actually common sense (which is something you apparently lack). If a chick is not banging you after 10 months, there is something very seriously wrong.
mesmerized Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I hope so too. Of course, she is a very special person, and deserves it. I'm sorry. I have a friend like this. She is a great lovely girl and very beautiful. But she has the same reactions to sex, she's been in therapy forever. She got raped at 7 years old... People in this forum who take rape/sex abuse lightly truly freak me out/disgust me. I've seen enough cases of it to know this is no joke. Most of these girls never report it, just keep it inside and have to deal with its consequences forever, it truly crushes them. The degree of hatred for women in this forum...
Eddie Edirol Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Yeah, bro she was...she just told me. I'm not sure what to do now except talk her through it. Theres nothing you can do really. Has she been getting therapy? If she isnt, you cant convince her, she has to do it herself. You can try, but if she doesnt want to try to remedy her issues, (and they will take a loooong time to remedy) your relationship will fail.
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Theres nothing you can do really. Has she been getting therapy? If she isnt, you cant convince her, she has to do it herself. You can try, but if she doesnt want to try to remedy her issues, (and they will take a loooong time to remedy) your relationship will fail. Yeah, she told me she just started therapy a few weeks, so she is willing to face her problems instead of bottle them up.
Author JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I'm sorry. I have a friend like this. She is a great lovely girl and very beautiful. But she has the same reactions to sex, she's been in therapy forever. She got raped at 7 years old... People in this forum who take rape/sex abuse lightly truly freak me out/disgust me. I've seen enough cases of it to know this is no joke. Most of these girls never report it, just keep it inside and have to deal with its consequences forever, it truly crushes them. The degree of hatred for women in this forum... Have mercy...7? :[ There is just some twisted people out there.... No, people in general take rape lightly. It's always a joke to a lot of people.
Heart Of A Lion Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) We have been dating for almost a year! How can you date someone for almost a year? You go on a few dates, you both check whether you feel chemistry and you check if you're both compatible with each other and if so, then you both agree on a relationship. How and why would you drag out that process for almost a year? Edited May 18, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion
Recommended Posts