dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Well just to give you all an update from the thread, My 25 year old virgin gf. I broke up with her. I decided not to take her virginity as Kaylan said, it would extremely hurtful to her. Though in reality, I did not care much for her virginity. There was more to our problems then just the sex issue. She had a deep hatred for her family due to trivial reasons such as arguments and just different point of views. She pointed out that I would be acting like her mother or her 'ex' in college if we got in an fight. She'd constantly make hurtful jokes and show little affection. We did say we 'love' each other but when I said it over the phone, she would just say 'bye' back. She wouldn't let me go out and make any friends even though I'm 23. I got blocked (actually she deleted it) from her facebook because I joked I'd friend request one of her family members. I would constantly be accused of having interest in other girls. There was always a race concern since I'm white and shes black. I guess her family found out via facebook and mentioned I was white. I never met her family even though they came down to visit her 1 month in a closed relationship. Finally she also joked that I'd never see her family till after marriage and she'd never come visit mine which upset me since I'm a family man. So in reality, the sex issue was just number 1 on the list and I didn't see that the next issue would merely take its place. Maybe I was blind. So today I broke it off. She cried and said "I love you" over and over and wanted me back. She said she would change and make amends but I doubt it heavily. I'm no therapist and should not take on her issues. I calmly said it isn't going to work and listed my reasons above. Now here's my question. This is my first relationship (even though it was 2 months). Do you guys feel that getting back on the date scene this week is too soon and I'd have unstable feelings? Oh yes, I know I jumped the gun saying "I love you". It was a mistake. Now I'm wondering if I'm jumping the gun again. Thanks to all those who were there in previous thread! It means a lot. (Kaylan, Eddie Edirol, somedude81, DontWorryBHappy, KathyM, denise_xo, baguette, Elswyth, Jane2011, ProfessorX, Nightsky, Almond_Joy, InJest, veggirl, ascendotum, silvermercy and anyone else I might have missed)
Jane2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Now here's my question. This is my first relationship (even though it was 2 months). Do you guys feel that getting back on the date scene this week is too soon and I'd have unstable feelings? I think you should give yourself at least three weeks to let your emotions die down a little. You don't have to be completely over the situation, just put a little more time/distance between that relationship and your future. It sounds like you did the right thing. The girl seems weird and like she enjoys toying with your mind. 1
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Taking her virginity would only satisfy me. She was about to lose her virginity to me in a week once the birth control took effect. Though I felt it was too much.
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 I think that might be her thing too. She probably doesn't realize it though. Although I'll be talking to people and building up friendships. My phone is getting blown up right now with all her calls and texts. Best not to answer any of them so as not to lead her on.
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Dust - Unfortunately she is very skiddish... she will most likely scream stop and back away. It took a long time before she could even feel comfortable with me touching her. She is different... Plus I don't feel like meeting her anymore.
spiderowl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 You did the right thing if you were uncertain about her feelings for you and she treated you badly. I am slightly concerned you told her you loved her. A guy did that to me once a couple of weeks before breaking up with me. It made it especially hurtful and it seemed bizarre to me at the time. I've often wondered what possessed him to say something he clearly didn't mean. It was a really stupid move. 2
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 spiderowl - Yes, it was truely a mistake. If I remember correctly she was the one who asked "Do you love me?" a few times before I stupidly replied yes. She did not say it back but was content.
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Well I just got a hurtful text. She says she was in love with someone else.
Jane2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Well I just got a hurtful text. She says she was in love with someone else. Aren't they always? I hear this soooo often. 1
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Jane2011 - Ya she said she compared her feelings for frederick (coworker that she never dated and is engaged) to me. smh. Apparently she loves him even though they never been out. Dust - Well virginity to me just means inexperience. It isn't sexy or anything. Just is what it is. Plus I'm letting her go. I don't want to have the responsibilites of this woman.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Good thing you guys broke up then. Good thing it wasn't too far along. 1
Author dbave Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 No I am not. I have only had sex less than 10 times so I'm pretty close.
purelydreamt Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 All of her issues including her v card shows her lack of relationship/intimacy experience. You need someone who will join you on the journey and brave it with you not hold you back. 1
dispatch3d Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 this is ridiculous " I got blocked (actually she deleted it) from her facebook because I joked I'd friend request one of her family members." 1
Professor X Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Good job dude! She sounded immature even before the added info in your OP. As for your question, take a couple of weeks to yourself before you go on dates again, really, don't push it, and if after those weeks you find yourself thinking of her, take some more time off. 1
fishtaco Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Well, I'm not sure if her virginity was worth taking. Some women are so psycho that even great sex is not worth all the trouble. Not to mention sex with a virgin is probably not going to be great, unless she's a technical virgin. I don't know if she fits that bill, I don't know her. This is for you to decide. Just saying it may not be a bad choice to not have sex with her. 1
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