hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Advice on my situation would be much appreciated. Me and my ex have decided to give it a go as being friends. We got on so well but just didn't work out as a couple. The other night I told him I really want to give it a go as being friends and he said he'd like that. He split up with me but at the end of the day I still want to be there for him as a friend because he's had his fair share to deal with and has stuff going on his life so I want to be there for him. Ive done the friends thing before with an ex but it didn't work out up until recently because we has a messy break up, this situation is very different tho because we did nothing to hurt each other and my feelings are completely different. I just don't want him getting the wring idea n thinking that I'm trying to get him back when that's not my intention. He doesn't have many close friends and I really want to be there for him. How do I let him know that?
crazyaboutcrazy Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Just give him a laminated membership card to the 'Friend Zone'. That tends to eliminate any mixed signals. 1
Coffee20 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It's nice that you want to be there for him, I am not sure whether it can work so soon. Are you sure that he is over you? If he still has deep feelings for you it can be really hard for him and still have some hopes. If not then it's definitely a good idea since you didn't hurt each other..
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Think it would take a little more than that.he's already said he'd like us to give the friends thing a go so I know he wants to. Just get the feeling that whenever we text he is holding back like he's worried I'll get the wrong idea. We met up Tuesday because he offered to help me move my stuff around for me and we laughed more than we had in ages....like when we first got together. then yesterday he came over again to help and he was completely different. I need to show him in not trying to win him back.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 It's nice that you want to be there for him, I am not sure whether it can work so soon. Are you sure that he is over you? If he still has deep feelings for you it can be really hard for him and still have some hopes. If not then it's definitely a good idea since you didn't hurt each other.. Well he finished with me so I assume he's over me...especially as he agreed to be friends. I won't lie...I like having him around but I know we'd never work if we got back together, I'd rather be there for each other as friends. Life's too short, and I want to be a true friend to him more than anything.
Coffee20 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 (edited) Well he finished with me so I assume he's over me...especially as he agreed to be friends. I won't lie...I like having him around but I know we'd never work if we got back together, I'd rather be there for each other as friends. Life's too short, and I want to be a true friend to him more than anything. If you are sure about this, then I would give it a try and stay in a friend zone and see how it works especially when you both are not in love anymore. If you need to show him you don't want him back, then I would just text him only sometimes and meet with him occasionally like any other friend I have. Just want to add that there is only one ex with who I remain friendship. We also didn't hurt each other, our break up was mutual. Still he went to NC for a while then after a few months he texted me and now we are friends not the best but we meet and talk once in a while. Edited May 17, 2012 by Coffee20
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 If you are sure about this, then I would give it a try and stay in a friend zone and see how it works especially when you both are not in love anymore. If you need to show him you don't want him back, then I would just text him only sometimes and meet with him occasionally like any other friend I have. Just want to add that there is only one ex with who I remain friendship. We also didn't hurt each other, our break up was mutual. Still he went to NC for a while then after a few months he texted me and now we are friends not the best but we meet and talk once in a while. I did no contact with my ex before this one and now we get on well n he's always there for me. I'm honestly in 2 minds about what to do in this situation tho because I want to be there for him and I want him to know he can talk to me about anything. We've been in touch quite a bit and seen each other a few times since the break up but I still think in the back of his mind he's worried about giving me the wrong idea, which isn't what he needs to worry about at all. It's not like I'm bombarding him with texts but I like talking to him. And if I don't text for a few days he'll text asking if I'm ok. So it's not like it's awkward. Just don't want to do the wrong thing and mess up the chance of friendship with him
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 By the way....you seem to be the first person that understands my situation and I really appreciate you taking the rime to read and reply to this
Coffee20 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Then I would talk to him about it, tell him you have these feelings and ask him if he wants some time apart or if he is ok with this situation? I think you don't do anything wrong, it's good that you two are good friends, just avoid conversation about the relationship you had before and never blame each other for things.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Well he did say when I asked about giving the friends thing a go he'd like that. I just worry about pressuring him too much and giving him the wrong idea. There's stuff that I'd rather not put all over a forum for me wanting to be friends with him so the last thing I want is to push him away
darkmoon Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 yes stay friends if his next girlfriend won't wonder why you neva moved on or if you can handle her being his new priority
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Well I'd have to cross that bridge when I got to it.it seems like a waste to go no contact because it's a different circumstance to my last break up. Never thought I'd be ok going straight into friends after a relationship but in this case I want to
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 WOW! Reading what your posting is like every interaction you have with him is like a big elephant in the room. Like, you are totally on your guard about giving him the wrong impression. You're not gonna like what I have to say, but I strongly recommend that you two go NC until feeling for each other are gone. It's obvious that you still have feelings for him, but your brain is telling you that it's never going to work. Therefore, I think it would be wise to go NC until all feelings for each other have vanished.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I'm only on guard tho because he suffers with stress and I'm worried to make him worse. It's not always that way...when we met up on Monday we were laughing and joking, taking the p!ss out of each other and it's what made ne realise I really want him in my life as a friend if nothing else.
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 If you can make it work then great. But, I just have this feeling that someone is going to end up getting hurt somehow and some way.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I don't really know what to do for the best if I'm honest. But I just feel like I have nothing to lose. At the end of the day, we didn't work as a couple but that doesn't mean we can't be great friends. I want to be there for him if he needs me and if theres a risk of me getting hurt again I'm willing to risk it. And as fir him getting hurt....he finished things so I'm Sure he is alreasy well on his way to getting over me.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I'm sure if he needed you, he will contact you. Sounds like you are trying to find a way to push yourself back into his life. When he gets a new g/f, she will be his new bestie that will be there for him. How will you feel then?
Author hurting1982 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 That's honestly not what I'm trying to do. He's best mates with 2 of his exes so I think it could work.as for if he gets with someone else at this point I don't know. But better to of tried I think in this circumstance. He agreed he wanted to give it a try too and we both said if it gets weird we need to say something
Author hurting1982 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Plus we've been in contact by text quite a bit since breaking up. Just general talk but it's been half n half. Yes I'll text him, but then other times he'll text me, so its not like it's awkward this far
Coffee20 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 why don't you two just take a break for a while? it's not a good idea to be friends immediately after break up.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I don't know what to do. Part of me says a break would be good and a part of me says go for it as friends. I've made so many wrong decisions as a couple and I don't want to mess it up trying to be friends too
MissBrunette84 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 I don't know what to do. Part of me says a break would be good and a part of me says go for it as friends. I've made so many wrong decisions as a couple and I don't want to mess it up trying to be friends too The thing is, you can always have a break then when you feel you are ready just get in contact and say you would like to try and be friends, it'd mean alot to you. See what he says? or if you feel like you don't want to after a break, you don't have to.
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