Vera Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I had been friends and know my ex boyfriend for several years before we agreed to be in a relationship together. He said how important I am to him and promised that we will share our future together. It'd been about eight months in a relationship and for the last two months I noticed that things go not so well and he started acting cold and passive and said things that hurt my feelings. When I tried to ask him what's wrong, he tried to avoid communication about what went wrong or tried to divert the conversation to other topics or acted like he didn't want to talk about it. I just try so hard to make it work desperately by being nice to him, try to understand him. It's just really hurt to see things getting worse without knowing how or why or what to do to save it. I know I'm not perfect and maybe there's thing he didn't like about me but I just feel like at least why didn't he talk to me about it and let's work on it together. Anyway, what hitting me the most is the way he dumped me. He didn't even come to say it directly to me for the last time, didn't even call to say it, or make a proper breakup. We just talked on the phone as usual one day, and afterwards he just stop contacting me at all and disappearing for 2 weeks! (normally we talked almost every day and he always called), even when we both online on MSN, he totally ignored me. After 2 weeks, I just couldn't resist the temptation to contact him anymore, so I called and he picked up the phone. And the conversation was like this: Him: Oh!! HI how are you? (as if nothing happened..) Me: Hi...How are you? Him: I visited my parents for the weekend. Me: Well, what's going on? Why you just go quiet like this? Him: Well, I have nothing to say to you anymore... Me: ..............(in deep shock...) Him: I just think that maybe it'd better for us to be friends...it's not your fault but I try so hard already to love you but I can't pretend loving you any longer and it's just too hard for me to keep trying. Now I still have some good feelings with you, but maybe I can keep trying only for a while and it's not gonna work out. Me: What's it means you said you try? What is it that you do? What is it that I do? Him: You know I can't love you that way, You know I never be able to give what you want, right? Me: (Take a long deep breath....shocking....) Ok, I agree then. I have less and less feelings for you lately as well. Fine!! Him: It's easier to be friends, and for us to talk when we friends. Me: Listen to me closely here, I'm not going to be friends with you. Him: But I can be friends with you! Me: Of course, it's so easy for someone like you. Him: How can you be so cruel? hahaha...(try to sound funny) Me: Listen...I will never ever be friends with you...never ever....Ok, I agree let's end everything here and now. And again I will never be friends with you. Don't you ever contact me again...ever ok? Him: That's up to you then. And we both hang up... That's the end of everything. And on that same day I sent him an email to state him that I'm glad it's end and that I don't want to hear from him again and I won't remember knowing him. We never contact again since then and I blocked him in every way I can think of. But there's just only one time I saw his facebook (about a month after the last phone call event), he seemed to be so happy, post lot of his new pics hanging out with his friends and plan for a vacation while I'm still in deep shock and regret. My question is how someone we knew for quite a long time treat us this way? I feel so sick and angry and sad. I just don't get how he could have done this to me? He can make a proper breakup with me and get all the result he want anyway. Why treating me this way, saying cruel things that really hurt my feeling. Why all this necessary? It's not about breaking up that hurt me the most, but it's the way he treated me. Is this the way most people do when they want to quit the relationship? I just feel so heartbreaking. We were good friends years before being in the relationship. What do I do to deserve this I just couldn't think of one? How can I get over with what he did to me? I really need your support here.
lynbetz Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 You could always try and get him back and make him even more into you than he was before.. don't let anger fill you up, look to brighter options
WonderKid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Its the promises he made. They probably scared him. He started to know deep down he couldn't take it. So he made ways to add fuel to the fire and break up. He shouldn't have made promises he couldn't keep in the first place. He was planning the breakup earlier than you think. And, could have been seeing someone else possibly. But I know it is overbearing, but you can contact him again. Don't EVER let them see you cry! And let him know you're happy! Keep going forward! You did all you can right?? 110% right?? Are you Superwoman? What more could you have done? It is not your fault. He's going to realize someday what he passed up. I wouldn't give him another ticket to your heart again. And since he wants to be friends, leave it as friends. Convos, hi's and bye's, that's it. But most of all, take it day by day and make that smile wider! Build yourself up.
Author Vera Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Thanks so much for your kind support WonderKid. Yes, you are right. He also said in the last phone call that he thought about quitting for a while, which doesn't surprise me at all since things go not so well one or two months before he did what he did and he didn't even want to work on or talk to me about it. And for me No contact is not a problem at all because I no longer want him in my life and I never want to see him or contact him again. I really sick with what he did too much to still care or want him back or be anywhere close to him. It's just the way he treated me and all those things he said that hurt me the most. I feel that I deserve a decent breakup, not like this. It's just so unbearable and I just don't know why it's necessary for him to do this to me and from his facebook, he moved on, he seemed to be happy as if nothing happened and as if he didn't do anything wrong at all - NO REGRET from his side!! It's not his fault to no longer want to be in the relationship. I understand and accept that. But it's just the way he did it!! I try to tell myself that it's my fault as well. This is a behavior of 30 years old guy, do you believe that?
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 And you then caught him on the hoof by calling so he took the cowardly way out and ended it by shock and awe tactics. Over the phone, which is really low. It won't help now to know that you are too good for his sorry ass in ANY capacity. Nobody who has been rejected finds that easy to believe. But one day you just won't care any more. And he'll give you the best "bad boyfriend" stories for when you're out with friends or writing your novel! In summary: what a total tool rash. 1
WonderKid Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Hey its all okay. No problem I am glad to help. I know it's hard on how he did it. And if you have trouble with that--ever heard of Adelle? The singer? Buy her album!! The entire album gives her ex the flux! That's perfect "move-on" music right there. I know wherever her ex is, he has to be in the corner scratching his hair out right now. Lol 1
Author Vera Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Own Worst Enemy, You're right. Without that last phone call, I think his plan is just to vanish in the air and disappeared from me without having to say anything. Normally, since I know him, he's not a very up-front type of person, always stay quiet and like to put things in the grey unclear area when he shouldn't have to and I feel like he took advantage from that unclear situations. Sometimes, it's just hard to communicate with him on some issues that really matter because he always avoided it. And because of the call, he had no choice but said those disgusting things just to get out of the situation. He never actually planned to have a decent breakup with me in the first place anyway I guess. That's really hurt you know...after all the friendship, all the true feelings, and all those nice things I had done for him. He knew that I had such a strong feelings towards him but he still did what he did. It's my own stupidity as I used to think that he will be nice and care for me and at least treat me right. This event makes me think that I never ever know him for who he really is at all!
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Well, The way you wrote that it seemed that he's a douche rocket that thinks he's a player and thinks that you'll be unable to not keep contact with him. You need to block him on your FB. and you need to work on you. Go to the Gym and run on the threadmill and push some weight. Go to a yoga class or a zumba class. Great way to work off stress and get a toned and hot bod! Make some chances for yourself. Get a new hairstyle and a new wardrobe. Change your self image. Then, travel. He's going on vacation, so you go to! Grab a girlfriend and go somewhere. Go somewhere nice and warm and on a beach somewhere.
Author Vera Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 It's not fair that he's now so happy while I'm in such a pain, just can't stop repeating his words in my head. I try to think that he's just not worth it. I hope there will be some days that this incident won't matter to me anymore, maybe I need more time to get through it. It's just hurt that he can be so happy, and move on, and life seems to be great for him who did bad things to others. I used to think that being dumped through post it in Sex and the City TV series is the worst kind, but obviously my story prevails
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