rbitrage Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I have to be honest, if the stereotype is true then I must be the woman in this relationship, because we spent so much time this past weekend being close, sharing intimacy (including a lot of love-making) and holding, and talking and lazying around etc etc and how I feel so connected to what we shared over the last month, and she is able to walk away from it like no big deal. So for all the women who think men don't feel emotions of connections during sex, it's not true. What I will admit is I have had plenty of meaningless hookups as well but I didn't stay holding them till the next day and do all the intimate things one does before and after the sex either, so I guess I am the fool here because I still feel like we shared so much, and she flipped a switch and broke up on sunday and seems to be like nothing happened. And to be honest I am upset both at the fact that she may feel that way and that I let myself to be connected to someone who can do that as well. It's unhealthy on both counts. Truth be told I am a bit shell-shocked if she did easily move on. Maybe those girls who I didnt feel such intimacy for and slept with must be feeling like that about me, that I was a callous unfeeling guy so how can I judge her. All i know is my compass was so off here that I don't know if i can trust it to let myself feel as much for the next one anytime soon.
Savage4 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I think the stereotype is there because for most women sex is so much more about the emotional connection whereas for most guys it is more physical. Of course when you get to know someone on a more personal level anyone is at risk of getting strings attached whether male or female. If I'm not mistaken you are the guy dealing with what you describe as game-playing New York women of a different breed. I'm guessing your girl had some sort of emotional wall up and led you on to an extent. It was probably destined to be a short-lived fling in her mind from the beginning. You were not on the same page. I wouldn't feel to upset about yourself if I were you. You were only having natural human emotions, trying to connect with this woman on a deeper level. She, on the other hand didn't want much more than sex. Next time just make sure you are completely clear upfront with what each of you wants out of the 'relationship'. If the girl is only looking for something physical then keep it just that. Also, if you are looking for something more meaningful I would forget about this group of infantile yuppie women.
sweetheart5381 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I think the stereotype is there because for most women sex is so much more about the emotional connection whereas for most guys it is more physical. Of course when you get to know someone on a more personal level anyone is at risk of getting strings attached whether male or female. If I'm not mistaken you are the guy dealing with what you describe as game-playing New York women of a different breed. I'm guessing your girl had some sort of emotional wall up and led you on to an extent. It was probably destined to be a short-lived fling in her mind from the beginning. You were not on the same page. I wouldn't feel to upset about yourself if I were you. You were only having natural human emotions, trying to connect with this woman on a deeper level. She, on the other hand didn't want much more than sex. Next time just make sure you are completely clear upfront with what each of you wants out of the 'relationship'. If the girl is only looking for something physical then keep it just that. Also, if you are looking for something more meaningful I would forget about this group of infantile yuppie women. Interesting how women seem to be pegged as weaker or less attractive as people in this string. Reference to the OP stating he is "being the woman" means he feels that he was weak for having feelings. Referring to women as being a "breed" and "infantile yuppie" is also rather derogatory - to class people before you know them personally is quite insulting. I don't fit into any sort of "one-size-fits-all" box, no one does be it man or woman. As a woman, I will say that I personally do not want to have a serious relationship but enjoy the company of a man that I connect with. No strings, no obligations until both of us decide that we are prepared for that in our independant lives. Sexual stereotypes will say that women always want commitment. Wrong. I have learned that I am not ready to commit, but can still easily feel love for another. To the OP I will say take her ending it at face value, if she wants to walk let her go. Perhaps she is scared of attachment, perhaps she feels nothing. My gut says that if it was good for her as it was for you, then she may be fearful of getting too involved too fast. Either way, don't feel ashamed for feeling close and intimate with her. You did nothing wrong at all. 1
Savage4 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Interesting how women seem to be pegged as weaker or less attractive as people in this string. Reference to the OP stating he is "being the woman" means he feels that he was weak for having feelings. Referring to women as being a "breed" and "infantile yuppie" is also rather derogatory - to class people before you know them personally is quite insulting. I don't fit into any sort of "one-size-fits-all" box, no one does be it man or woman. As a woman, I will say that I personally do not want to have a serious relationship but enjoy the company of a man that I connect with. No strings, no obligations until both of us decide that we are prepared for that in our independant lives. Sexual stereotypes will say that women always want commitment. Wrong. I have learned that I am not ready to commit, but can still easily feel love for another. To the OP I will say take her ending it at face value, if she wants to walk let her go. Perhaps she is scared of attachment, perhaps she feels nothing. My gut says that if it was good for her as it was for you, then she may be fearful of getting too involved too fast. Either way, don't feel ashamed for feeling close and intimate with her. You did nothing wrong at all. Interesting that it doesn't even say anything about women being 'weaker' or 'less attractive'? Those terms were your own personal interpretation when we were simply referring to the stereotype of women being more emotional. This tendency is not necessarily a good or bad thing, and its meaning certainly doesn't have to be skewed into something offensive, as the way you took it. Referring to the women as infantile yuppies was the description the OP gave to this group of women in a separate thread. I don't know these women but the OP does and from the sounds of it he was courteous in description. And FYI I only referred to this particular group of women as infantile yuppies. You once again skewed the meaning by stereotyping all women and took personal offense to it. You're being just plain silly and I'm glad you're offended by it. If I were to actually write some derogatory comments they would be directed at you, but I will refrain...
sweetheart5381 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Interesting that it doesn't even say anything about women being 'weaker' or 'less attractive'? Those terms were your own personal interpretation when we were simply referring to the stereotype of women being more emotional. This tendency is not necessarily a good or bad thing, and its meaning certainly doesn't have to be skewed into something offensive, as the way you took it. Referring to the women as infantile yuppies was the description the OP gave to this group of women in a separate thread. I don't know these women but the OP does and from the sounds of it he was courteous in description. And FYI I only referred to this particular group of women as infantile yuppies. You once again skewed the meaning by stereotyping all women and took personal offense to it. You're being just plain silly and I'm glad you're offended by it. If I were to actually write some derogatory comments they would be directed at you, but I will refrain... Thanks, I don't really need to respond now. You have already proven my point.
Lil1 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 What I will admit is I have had plenty of meaningless hookups as well but I didn't stay holding them till the next day and do all the intimate things one does before and after the sex either, so I guess I am the fool here because I still feel like we shared so much, and she flipped a switch and broke up on sunday and seems to be like nothing happened. What exactly happened that cause her to flip a switch and break things off with you? Why were your actions different with her? why the cuddling, the lovey dovey acts? Perhaps you are tired of random sex and want something more substantive? All i know is my compass was so off here that I don't know if i can trust it to let myself feel as much for the next one anytime soon. You're just setting yourself up for a lot of wasted time on random hookups and shutting yourself off to the possibility of a good meaningful relationship. I dont understand. If you can gamble with your BODY by having meaningless sexual hookups, why can't you gamble with your heart for a relationship worth your while? 1
Author rbitrage Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 i've explained in other topics what happened between us, but let's say in the end I probably wasn't alpha enough for her and she decided to walk away (for now). I agree that I would rather be in a meaningful relationship. But the person I want to be with doesn't want to be with me so for now I'm stuck.
Savage4 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 Thanks, I don't really need to respond now. You have already proven my point. I don't know why you come on to these threads looking for reasons to be offended. Anything I said was directed at a particular group of people or a single person in general - if a person is acting like an idiot, they deserved to be called one. This doesn't define the person, (let alone an entire demographic of females) but rather the way they are acting. I've read a couple of your posts and you sound like a complete man-hating, women activist that thinks the world is out to get them. I love most women and if I didn't I wouldn't date them or be here in the first place. It's the radical ones like you (that need a reality check) that push my buttons.
Savage4 Posted May 18, 2012 Posted May 18, 2012 You're just setting yourself up for a lot of wasted time on random hookups and shutting yourself off to the possibility of a good meaningful relationship. I dont understand. If you can gamble with your BODY by having meaningless sexual hookups, why can't you gamble with your heart for a relationship worth your while? I love the way you put this. I have gambled with my body before... and lost lol. I definitely realize now that I'd rather gamble for something meaningful.
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