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Where do you guys draw the line with your friendship with your friends spouse?

SteveC80

By SteveC80
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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Why are you emailing his wife about summer houses and random chitchat? Why don't you email your friend about it instead??

 

Really, most types of emailing, texting, calling, etc is crossing the line IMO. I would never do that with a friend's husband, and I would find it REALLY strange if one of them started emailing me just to chat. I've known my best friend's boyfriend for over 7 years and I think he's a cool guy, but I definitely don't spend one-on-one time with him or text him or anything like that.

 

I was emailing both she emailed me when she found few new houses for me to look at

PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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Why are you emailing his wife about summer houses and random chitchat? Why don't you email your friend about it instead??

 

Really, most types of emailing, texting, calling, etc is crossing the line IMO. I would never do that with a friend's husband, and I would find it REALLY strange if one of them started emailing me just to chat. I've known my best friend's boyfriend for over 7 years and I think he's a cool guy, but I definitely don't spend one-on-one time with him or text him or anything like that.

 

really? thats a little extreme,while i have boundaries myself my best friends wife is kind of like a sister to me and we get along well and text once in awhile..

 

Id never go over the house or hang out if my friends not there but i dotn think a friendship and texting once in awhile is that bad..i see her and my friend almost every week were all prety close like family..

shorty7 Established Member

shorty7

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The only husbands of friends I'd contact without the knowledge of my girlfriends are guys I knew or were friends with before they got married/started dating. Otherwise if I know husbands through friends, I'd keep it that way.

 

Sounds like the wife is acting out of bounds. If you're uncomfortable with it, you should tell her that you'd feel more comfortable talking about the vacation home when all of you are in the same room. Personally I would feel weird about you two talking just via email re: a house you're buying if I were your wife. I'd actually get mad about not being on cc:, even, because it would make me feel like my opinions wouldn't have mattered on the purchase. I wouldn't see why your friend (the husband) wouldn't feel the same.

 

As far as the run, I don't think it's a big deal, but it would be nice if the husband shows up.

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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I remember you saying youre very good looking get a lot of women and are sort of the alpha of your group,trust me this cant end well then

 

Contrary to popular beleief women arent much differnet then Men if theyre attracted to somebody physically throw in beign charming and having status and ive seen women cheat with dudes in their social circle on their husband

 

If shes finds you physically attractive then gets a connection with you things could get ugly

fucpcg Established Member

fucpcg

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I am very good friends with my gorgeous neighbor. However, I am as equally friends with her husband, who is one of the best men, best fathers I know, and one of the people I most respect in life. He never fears me talking with, being with his wife, as he knows I would never do anything with her. He also knows his wife, a woman who is amazing and devoted wife. There isn't any reason for him to not trust her or me, and he's right I'd NEVER consider approaching his wife, I have too much respect for family, and for them. As others have said, if you are in here writing about your concern, there must be a reason. I certainly don't feel bad talking with my gorgeous neighbor, no reason to.

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gaius Established Member

gaius

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I don't always practice what I preach, but I think the line to not cross would be running the race. When you two start hanging out independently it's going to create suspicion and gossip, which is not helpful for either of your relationships. You don't really need to run a race with her, why are you doing this?

make me believe Established Member

make me believe

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I don't always practice what I preach, but I think the line to not cross would be running the race. When you two start hanging out independently it's going to create suspicion and gossip, which is not helpful for either of your relationships. You don't really need to run a race with her, why are you doing this?

 

Yeah, see it started as all three of them emailing about summer houses, then turned into the OP and his friend's wife emailing just each other about summer houses, then the OP and his friend's wife emailing each other random chitchat, and now it's the OP and his friend's wife potentially hanging out together at the race.

 

So....see how things can escalate? I'm not saying any of this stuff alone means you're heading for an affair, but it illustrates how things slowly start going further and how you give yourself opportunities that weren't there before to begin forming a bond with this other person. This is why I believe in strong boundaries in a marriage, and why I think that even 'innocent' texting and emailing 'friends' of the opposite sex is best kept off limits.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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OP, how many threads have you started and posts have you made about the massive number of married women you've had sex with?

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Yeah, see it started as all three of them emailing about summer houses, then turned into the OP and his friend's wife emailing just each other about summer houses, then the OP and his friend's wife emailing each other random chitchat, and now it's the OP and his friend's wife potentially hanging out together at the race.

 

So....see how things can escalate? I'm not saying any of this stuff alone means you're heading for an affair, but it illustrates how things slowly start going further and how you give yourself opportunities that weren't there before to begin forming a bond with this other person. This is why I believe in strong boundaries in a marriage, and why I think that even 'innocent' texting and emailing 'friends' of the opposite sex is best kept off limits.

 

If a person leaves someone because of a "bond" or friendship formed with the opposite sex chances are they are a scumbag and they were eventually gonna leave anyway they just needed a reason.If thats the case people shouldnt work since thats a place you can bond and form connections wit hthe oppostie sex hours of each day

 

Most people who are happily married and could never imagine hurting their s/o are not gonna be seduced by a simple friendship or connection thats a copout.The idea anyone can be seduced by a opposite sex friendship is not true

 

If the op's friends wife really does have bad intentions its prboably better off he finds out through her hitting on the op otherwise he might not find about it at all if shes the type to stray at times with strangers

Edited by AD1980
carhill Established Member

carhill

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Wondering where other people draw their lines or if they dont

 

Clothes stay on. ;)

 

I've faced the gamut over the years. Everything from nudity to Mrs Robinson to bedroom stories to wtf was that wet thing on my lips. After awhile one gets a perspective about it. After my divorce and not really caring to have any romantic relations with women, it's like a handshake. I just smile and nod and ask about the weather and how the kids and grandkids are doing. Oh, hers are real and hmm she must've got implants. Get me a beer. Fortunately, the single ladies don't participate. God works in mysterious ways. My major modification in the physical affection department is avoiding kissing them on the lips; I purposely avoid that now. For some strange reason I was just remembering how salty bmf's daughter's tears were. Hot married lady and all I can remember is the taste of tears. Oh, well, old age will be here soon enough. Good luck.

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I just think people saying simply running the same race togther is so awful

bean1 Established Member

bean1

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You think you aren't transparent?? As a faithful wife, I can tell you I would not behave in the same manner as your friend's wife. And your obvious need to encourage such attention is well- obvious.

 

BTW, this quick search only confirmed my initial suspicion.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/318545-ladies-do-you-ever-fantasize-about-your-husbands-hot-friends

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/262473-married-women-ltr-what-goes-through-your-mind-when-you-see-good-looking-guy

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/244599-women-seem-more-flirty-their-mans-friends-then-vice-versa

 

You are scum to your male 'friends'. You deserve whatever trash you pick up.

DjinnAgain Established Member

DjinnAgain

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Other than the obvious, which is not a line that really needs drawn because it's a huge cement wall, I can't say I do. I certainly wouldn't do anything or say anything I wouldn't do with my friend there, but it's crazy to even think about wanting to do something like that :sick:

 

I would think nothing about competing in my own sport alongside a friend's spouse.

 

 

Do people really have that much trouble with controlling themselves that they have to prevent being alone for a moment? This seems strange.

 

I would have no issue with my spouse being with a friend of mine, either. That seems like the safest female they could possibly be with! I don't choose friends who would betray me like that. Hopefully in the future I won't choose spouses, like that either but I'm still not going to live my life in doubt!

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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You think you aren't transparent?? As a faithful wife, I can tell you I would not behave in the same manner as your friend's wife. And your obvious need to encourage such attention is well- obvious.

 

BTW, this quick search only confirmed my initial suspicion.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/318545-ladies-do-you-ever-fantasize-about-your-husbands-hot-friends

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/262473-married-women-ltr-what-goes-through-your-mind-when-you-see-good-looking-guy

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/244599-women-seem-more-flirty-their-mans-friends-then-vice-versa

 

You are scum to your male 'friends'. You deserve whatever trash you pick up.

 

That was years ago ive changed my ways and ive never done anyhting with a friends wife

 

its also funy you call me scum but these married women arent?

bean1 Established Member

bean1

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That was years ago ive changed my ways and ive never done anyhting with a friends wife

 

its also funy you call me scum but these married women arent?

 

I don't recall March 2012 being years ago but ok. And they are just as trash. Trash deserves each other.

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I would think nothing about competing in my own sport alongside a friend's spouse.

 

 

Do people really have that much trouble with controlling themselves that they have to prevent being alone for a moment? This seems strange.

 

I would have no issue with my spouse being with a friend of mine, either. That seems like the safest female they could possibly be with! I don't choose friends who would betray me like that. Hopefully in the future I won't choose spouses, like that either but I'm still not going to live my life in doubt!

 

People seem way to parnaoid insecure and untrusting my god

 

I dont know how some of them would allow a spouse to work since thats a place its easy to form bonds and friendships with people youre with all the time

 

If you're in a loving healthy relationship you're not gonna allow yourself to fall in love with somebody else over a friendship

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I don't recall March 2012 being years ago but ok. And they are just as trash. Trash deserves each other.

 

Once again ive never been with a friends wife and never will..

bean1 Established Member

bean1

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Once again ive never been with a friends wife and never will..

 

If you are a friend to these men, then you would not be permitting their wives to flirt or grope you or try and contact you outside their husbands.

 

I am not excusing the wives - but as a friend, it is your responsibility to withhold boundaries around your friend's spouse. And quite frankly, to tell their husbands when those boundaries are crossed.

 

I know you don't think you're doing anything wrong. Is it because you aren't doing anything wrong? Or is it because you have no respect for boundaries with your male friends and can't see it?

 

You asked where the line was drawn. Many said you are crossing the line. You disagreed. You are just looking for validation to continue your behaviour. No thanks.

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I know you don't think you're doing anything wrong. Is it because you aren't doing anything wrong? Or is it because you have no respect for boundaries with your male friends and can't see it?

 

 

My friend kmows where racing togther and didnt seem to have a problem with it.Once again where running a race where we wont even see each other till the end its not like were hanging out having dinner and talking alone for a few hours

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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That was years ago ive changed my ways and ive never done anyhting with a friends wife

 

its also funy you call me scum but these married women arent?

 

I have a suspicion that all the multitudes of threads about how hot Steve believes he is and how all the ladies (especially married ones) can't keep their hands off of him are mostly dreamy fantasies of his.

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I have a suspicion that all the multitudes of threads about how hot Steve believes he is and how all the ladies (especially married ones) can't keep their hands off of him are mostly dreamy fantasies of his.

 

The funny part is in this case im agreeing with you and you and everyone else is teling me how this harmless race and emailing about houses can end up into some love affair:laugh:

PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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If you are as good looking charming and alpha as you say dont you think his wife notices this? women married or not still lust after the top few % of men i see it all the time

 

Tons of women cheat nowadays as well

 

it just seems a little odd to me she didnt try to get close to you till you became single

 

At the very least youre a dick in a glass case

Edited by PJKino
HopelessRomantic76 Established Member

HopelessRomantic76

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If you're this super duper hunk like you claim id advise against you doing this and starting a friendship with this women. Womens sexuality is no different then Men's,we are extremely attracted to some people relationship or not but we try to stay faithful

 

My ex's friend was gorgeous and a charming guy too but i never did anything because i was in a relatinship,but if we had a friendship to where we saw and hung out with each other alone i cant say in a weak moment i wouldnt have done anyhting because i might have

 

For the sake of your friends marriage please stay away

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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I draw the line at third base :p

 

But seriously, if you have to post a thread about it.....you are probably toeing the line for your particular situation. I don't think the race, or the emails, are a problem on their own, but can be a problem depending on the people involved.

FrustratedStandards Established Member

FrustratedStandards

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I think it's okay to hang out with them if there is a good reason (to discuss detail about the summer home, to plan the campin trip etc) but otherwise, "just to hang out" would seem a bit weird.

 

I have a major crush on my friends boss (who is married). I have met his wife and whole family and they are absolutely incredible and loving people, but i'm telling you, after the first time I hung out with him (and my friend) I dreamt about him for 3 consecutive nights. I get so aroused when i'm around him, and he wouldn't have a clue.

 

That's why I don't come along with my friend if the boss is going to be there. Not because I don't want to, but because I respect that he has a family and I don't want to allow any opportunities for anything to happen.

 

You said she has been extra friendly lately, that might be clue #1 for you to back off and stop reciprocating so much.

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