hayley1357 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Okay me and my ex broke up about 2 months ago, its been low contact seen eachother 3 times since never left it more than a week between texts. I went through the hellish stage, not leaving my house going crazy. I had had two months off work due to foot injury and was ready to go back to work, i thought this would help and it did for a month or so then all of a sudden this past week has been HELL. I feel lost, helpless, nothings getting any better, i talk to people about it everyday and amd litterally crying 24/7 I want to be back with my ex SO BADLY I love him unconditionally and miss him more than anything. This monday just gone I had to walk out of work, i paniced started getting anxious and just had to leave. Ive been signed off for a week to try and sort myself out, and will get some sort of councilling. I told my ex what is going on and he tried to help. But only to say "man up". About 3 hours ago i decided to go NC. I miss him SO MUCH and love him SO MUCH but how can he just let me feel so low, and not care enough to help me? I dont understand. I feel so lost and helpless and feel like ive gone even further back than how i felt initially. Nothings getting better. im a mess...
lovinglife21 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 You might want to talk to him... but just stay away, delete him completely from your life. The way you are feeling now is because it's just been dragged on. Have no contact, if you don't talk to him he can't hurt you anymore. Yes it sucks right now, but you will be ok. You feel like someone literally took your world from you, but it's not that way, you are the centre of the world, and try not to think about him, try to think about you, about what you want and what you need. Whatever happened, is in the past and you can't change it. So just try and move forward. You are not helpless. But you have to want to help yourself, you have to want to move on. So i guess find the motivation to keep going. Wallowing won't get you anywhere I'm afraid. Try and act normal and keep active, be around people and do things for you. xx
Tree_Salmon Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Sadly this is the only way to do it. No contact. It's one of the toughest things in life. 1
StellaA Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I agree, it has to be NC! Take it from someone who has just experienced the toughest year of her life. I broke up with someone I still love but it was never going to work. I did all the crazy stuff, even got back together and a year down the line I know I just prolonged what was going to happen as I couldn't let go. It will hurt but trust me, the only way to move on is to cut all ties, it hurts for now but you will see the benefits in a few weeks, months etc
stillafool Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Haley I'm so sorry for your pain. I know it is awful. Your ex cannot help you get through this breakup because you want him back. He is trying to move on how could he help you except to get back together with you. You have to start with acceptance. Accept that it is over and you have to spend your time thinking about ways to get over him. Go back to work because keeping busy will help you. Also ease up on talking to your friends and everyone else about him. Talking about him will keep him on your mind. Get rid of or put away any and everything that reminds you of him. If you believe in prayer, now is a good time to start praying. Spend more time with friends and family even if you don't feel like it because they will keep you distracted. Start exercising.
paperboy48 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I am going throught the same thing....my wife and I were together for 16 years. We have been seperated for four months and I am still in agony. We have two kids together so the NC is out of the question for me. I don't know if I would be able to do it anyways, though. Maybe it is harder having to have contact, probably is. Anyways, I have reached out to her for support many times in the last few months and she is just rezilent to helping me. She has totally put a wall around her to protet herself. That is probaly what your ex is doing is trying to protect himself by not allowing himself to open back up to you. Its like their not even the same person we used to know. Its an awful feeling that I am just starting to accept. I am not cured but I am starting to accept it. And I have been a mess too! How long were you together?
Author hayley1357 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Thanks guys, I know moving on is the right thing it just hurts so much to do it. I still feel like he cares cause he offered for me to stay at his ect but said that he can't keep doing it cause he wants his own life. It's so upsetting that its come to this, he said to me last week he knows hell Eventually regret it and that he'll want me Back but for now it's easier for him not to care anymore. I know one day he'll realise how much he has hurt me but I also know by then it will be too late. It's weird, no matter how much he has hurt me I would still do anything for him. And I know he isn't doing it intentiallly it's just him, he's changed he isn't doing it on purpose to hurt me, it's just the person he's changed into doesnt care anymore. He said he doesn't know what he wants but I can't hang on to THe fact there's only a small possibility it might be me. I thought I was doing so Well, obviously not Thanks everyone for your thoughts, it's uplifting to Know it'll get better, I know it will I just want it to happen now
Author hayley1357 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 I am going throught the same thing....my wife and I were together for 16 years. We have been seperated for four months and I am still in agony. We have two kids together so the NC is out of the question for me. I don't know if I would be able to do it anyways, though. Maybe it is harder having to have contact, probably is. Anyways, I have reached out to her for support many times in the last few months and she is just rezilent to helping me. She has totally put a wall around her to protet herself. That is probaly what your ex is doing is trying to protect himself by not allowing himself to open back up to you. Its like their not even the same person we used to know. Its an awful feeling that I am just starting to accept. I am not cured but I am starting to accept it. And I have been a mess too! How long were you together? We were only together 5 years. Nothing compared to Your length! I can only imagine what you're feeling
gibson Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) Hayley, You will find answers to many of the questions you have in the two threads below: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! Edited May 16, 2012 by gibson
Author hayley1357 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Hayley, You will find answers to many of the questions you have in the two threads below: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! Gibson, I read through these earlier and they did help me an awful lot, helped me make sense of what was going on Do you think that's the case? GIGS? If so, i know it will be too late and I cant keep thinking like this but do GIGS suffers return?
gibson Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 (edited) Gibson, I read through these earlier and they did help me an awful lot, helped me make sense of what was going on Do you think that's the case? GIGS? Yes If so, i know it will be too late and I cant keep thinking like this but do GIGS suffers return? Since the break up didn't happen long ago... You can say you can't keep thinking about a second chance all you want. They are just words though. At this point and for the foreseeable future you are going to want / would kill to have your Ex back. It's normal and part of the break up process you are going to go through. Because of the age you two started dating, him being your first love and the length of time that you two dated... It will take you a long time (probably a year or two) to get over the end of your relationship and your Ex. Now, to answer your question: 1. Yes, many G.I.G.S. dumpers return. 2. Should he decide to return, it would be YEARS from now. 3. Because of your age, you very well could get G.I.G.S. yourself. In which case, you would have broken up with your Ex anyway. Let's be real an talk about the big elephant in the room here (Sometimes second chances do happen and they can and do work)... I know plenty of couples that were broken up for long period of time (one to many years) and have gotten back together and many even married or heading that direction. Let's exclude the couples that break up for a short period of time (days, weeks, a month or so) and get back together no problem. Let's use a real / honest / true break up: I have never seen a successful reconciliation that worked were it wasn't YEAR(s) later. Why? For a second chance to work, it has to be a NEW relationship. For that the happen, both the dumper and the dumpee have to healed and moved on from one another. All the disappointment, hurt, anger, pain, resentment, etc. has to be gone. Both the dumper and the dumpee will have to have grown, learned, matured, etc. from whatever the "issues" were (in your Exes case, G.I.G.S.). All of that is a process and it takes a lot of time. It doesn't / can't / impossible for that to happen overnight. So if you want a second chance with the Ex, you don't have a snowballs chance in hell of it working unless you are "healthy", healed and moved on (along with the Ex) from them. and... You don't have a snowballs chance in hell of having a "healthy" relationship with somebody new unless you are "healthy", healed and moved on from your Ex. See where I am going? You only have one choice and this choice leads to happiness either way. What usually happens should your Ex return in several YEARS... You will have already healed, moved on and more than likely be with with someone who you are totally in love with and not want / be open to a second chance with your Ex. Good news though... You are not alone! You have found a great place where people will share, help, advise, etc. and be with you as you through this extremely difficult and painful process / period of your life. Edited May 16, 2012 by gibson
flitzanu Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 But only to say "man up". About 3 hours ago i decided to go NC. I miss him SO MUCH and love him SO MUCH but how can he just let me feel so low, and not care enough to help me? I dont understand. im a mess... you're his ex, why would you ever assume that you are his problem to fix or help? that's on you, not him.
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