Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 What do I do about his stuff that's at my house? I can't drive so I can't take it back to him.
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 You could put all his stuff in a bag or box, so you don't have to look at it. When he does come around, you can simply point the box out to him, and be done with that. Since you are sitll vulnerable, I'd try and avoid giving him a chance of trying to get back with you. Or mail it to him. Then he does not even have a chance to ask.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Thanks for all your help guys! I just hope I can be strong! I'm dreading the moment he contacts me... If he does at all that is! Think I scared him off again asking if he would be with me the other night! I'm a little bit gutted! What a mess!!
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 The thought of him with another girl makes my heart ache!!! I don't want him to be with anyone else :,(
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Obviously he wants to be with someone else, else he would not have broken up with you. Remember that.
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 It hurts, but keep telling yourself that. To remind yourself of what he has done, and what he is doing at the moment. The thought that he might be with someone else is no reason for you to keep on hoping that things will work out between the two of you. Stick to NC, and don't try to find out what he is doing.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 He hasn't contacted me all day again! I really hope I can keep to NC! I feel so weak and helpless right now! I don't want him but because of all this. But I don't want anyone else to have him! I need to stop over thinking thins! My biggest downfall is worrying too much! Maybe I need help? X
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 You need to do things to keep your mind occupied. Sitting and doing nothing, or not engaging your brain, will naturally draw you to think about him. Spend time with friends and family. Spend time on your hobbies. Take up a new interest. Do something that can get your complete and undivided attention. Not allowing yourself the opportunity to think about what he is up to is very important.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I've been busy all day... And I'm going to keep myself busy tonight! But he always manages to creep into the conversation or something! It's so frustrating!!! U still think I'm better off not telling him I'm cutting contact...?
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Just keep yourself occupied. You'll spend less and less time thinking about him. No need to tell him. He obviously could not be too bothered to keep in touch with you to begin with, unless it suited him.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I want to cry so bad right now!!!! Ive seen on fb messages he's written to some girl asking to go and see her and stuff!!! I feel sick! I want his stuff gone!
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Then pack up his stuff and send it to his place. The sooner you get rid of things that remind you of him, the better.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I feel sick!!! I just text him saying he needs to get his stuff and give me the money he owes me tonight!! And he text back asking what's wrong with me... What shall I say?
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Don't say anything, other than making arrangements for him to collect his stuff. No need to explain yourself. He fully knows what is going on and what he is doing.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 But I need to reply something so he gets his stuff... What do I say?
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 "Come at [time] for your stuff. And bring the [amount of money] you owe me" If he does not bring you the money (quite likely) do not contact him about it. A bit of money is nothing compared to your emotional well-being.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I doubt he will come at all to be honest! And if he doesn't bring the money he will prob use that to try and meet up with me again!!! How can he say he doesn't want a girlfriend when he's inviting girls to stay at his for the weekend! What a joke!
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 How can he say he doesn't want a girlfriend when he's inviting girls to stay at his for the weekend! What a joke! Exactly. Remember that when you are thinking fondly of him. Even reread the thread time and again, and remember how little regard he has shown to you in the past few weeks.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Hes an absolute joke!! I wish I hadn't kept going back time and time again since we split up, coz I could be over him by now!!! I want to get angry at him so bad...but I shouldn't should I? It's going to ruin my birthday too
KatZee Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 But I need to reply something so he gets his stuff... What do I say? You are truly over thinking this. That's OK. I used to act the same way you're acting. I once let a guy completely rule my world. Stop overthinking your responses. Just say: "I'm done being something you play around with when you're bored. I will come by with your stuff at (such and such time). Please do not contact me in the future." I don't think you need to drag this out any longer by asking for money. I mean how much could it have REALLY been anyway? Money is money. You can always make more (unless it was literally like hundreds or thousands of dollars.) I've been where you are acting completely needy, desperate, pathetic, weak, clingy... I know none of these things are good to hear, but they're all true. I acted this way with my first love and it pushed him so far away that I never even had a glimmer of a hope of a second chance with him. 1. Just cut contact. I know it sounds difficult, and for some it really is. It takes real discipline to learn how to do this especially when you truly love someone. But please, sit on your hands if you have to. Hide your phone in a drawer. Deactivate your Facebook account for Christ's sake! You say you don't have him as a friend, yet you're able to still stalk his stuff. STOP IT! Hide any mutual friends posts so you cannot see him asking to hang out with other people. Here's where I give you a reality check though. It won't be pretty. REALITY: HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. I get that you feel some connection and "ownership" of him, especially if he's been hanging around like a flea on a dog for the past two weeks, but he has not made ONE thing official. It doesn't matter if it "felt" like you were back together, or it seemed to be moving in that direction. Nothing was ever SAID. Unless he says, I've made a mistake, you're the one I really want... then stop playing into his games. Again, I've made this mistake with my first love. I crawled right back and even started sleeping with him again in hopes he'd see what an amazing girl I was and what he had lost. Guys DO NOT THINK THIS WAY. Guys fall in love from afar, not from being close. I'm disgusted at the way I acted. I was a pathetic joke, and I'm sure after he got what he wanted from me, he ran and bragged to his friends about how he had such a loser ex girlfriend willing to give him whatever he wanted no strings attached. It took me years to learn what I'm doing now (ex broke up with me last week). I have not contacted him once. I remained in control the entire time, and then I stood up and walked out of his house and out of his life. I'm going the no contact for a while, and it seems we ended differently than you guys. Yours just seems to want the most tail he can get, my guy is just needing to be single, and really prioritize his life. I've read everything, studied everything and have gotten advice from friends when I feel like I want to talk. But I know damn well not to contact him. He needs space and time to himself right now. The 30 days zero contact is what's floating around the most, and what seems most appropriate before attempting any sort of contact and that's what I'm doing. I've already outlined what I plan to do in my 30 days, fix my teeth at the ortho, move into my new apartment, start going swimming for exercise after work during the week, cook more, watch some new movies, hang with friends... You gotta get out there and really set a plan for yourself. Not a plan that surrounds this guy, but one for yourself and your own life.
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 As long as you don't contact him, there is no real problem in being angry at him, or anything like that. Bottling up your emotions is not healthy for you. Have a cry with your friends, who will be supportive of you. That can be an experience that will bring you much relief. As difficult as it must be, try to enjoy your birthday.
Author Ducklover Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I know I have accepted that we aren't getting back together now and I and messed that up for myself... But I feel hurt because I have only just seen that he's meeting someone who he's obviously been speaking too for a while. I told him to come over at such a time to get his stuff with the money he owes and he say he won't be finished in time... Now what the hell do I do? Always an excuse with that kid!!!!! I'm so angry right now!!! I just want to erase him completely!!!
d'Arthez Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Just put the stuff away in a box. Depending on your living arrangements (on your own, with family?) you may ask someone else to hand him his stuff to save you the hassle and emotional turmoil. If you want let him suggest another time, but within 24 hours. If not, mail the stuff to him, and be done with it. He may try and use his stuff as a bargaining chip, and that will hurt you more.
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