Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I asked my ex who has been coming around pretty much every evening for the last 2 weeks if he will be with me again. He says no because he doesn't want a girlfriend... Yet he's been coming around like it was when we were together! And got upset and angry when he thought another guy was texting me! I'm so confused about what he's doing meeting me and acting like we are a couple but not putting a label on it?! Someone please help decode his behaviour? I want to be with my ex but I don't know how to go about this! Please help!!!
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 From your previous thread: As difficult as it is, you are better of telling your friends what has happened, and why things are as they are (if the situation is really complex, you might be better off posting in greater detail about what has happened; we can think with you). You should find a lot of support from your friends in this situation, and they will help you to stop thinking about your ex. From the sounds of it, your ex wants his cake and eat it too. He has unrealistic expectations from you, partly because you make yourself too available to him. Ignore him as much as possible; do not think that everything is fine and dandy if he finally manages to send you a text message. Wow he spent a few cents on you, and no more than 30 seconds to compose it. You deserve better than the crumbs this guy offers you. I know that is very hard, and that is where real life friends can help you a lot by providing you emotional and moral support; spend time with your girlfriends, some of whom may have gone through similar heart aches (and thus are more experienced in how to deal with such difficult and painful situations). Do things you like on your own. You must have some interests, some hobbies, or other things you like to do. Perhaps even take up a new hobby. Stop seeing him. Stick to no contact. Else you are only getting hurt more and more.
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 It's so hard I feel like such a weak person!!! Why is he spending time with me yet doesn't want a gf and getting angry at me for texting other guys?! Should I tell him im going to cut all contact or just do it?!
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He is probably looking at his options out there. Only when he realizes he can't do better than you, he'll be back. In the current state, he gets to do as he pleases (dating other girls?), with no regard for you and your feelings. You deserve better than that. Tell him to stop contacting you, and delete his number. Try to make plans with friends, whomever and stop running into him. Avoid speaking to him / texting him at all costs. You are not a weak person. You only think you are weak, because you have made this guy your whole world.
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 That is so damn true!!! I know he has met a few girls since we broke up, but why is he meeting other girls if he doesn't want a girlfriend?! Im worried if I tell him to stop contacting me I will never hear from him again! And I want to be with him? He will surely wonder what's going on if I just say don't contact me again?! I'm confused My head is a big scrambled mess!!!
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 That is so damn true!!! I know he has met a few girls since we broke up, but why is he meeting other girls if he doesn't want a girlfriend?! He is probably literally screwing around and see who is the most "valuable" taker out there for him. Really. This man is no prize. When you're telling him you have had enough, he suddenly will come on stronger, because he will figure out he has a chance of losing you. Don't fall for his charms. You deserve better than to be treated as second best. 1
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 So what shall I say to him about no longer having contact? Or should I just say nothing at cut him out completely! I'm so angry at myself for letting this drag out or so long! We broke up at the end of February! And if I had been a stronger person I wouldn't be in this situation! It's so hard because part of me wants to carry on letting him Come over just to see where it takes us, but I know that it isn't taking us anywhere! I need to say something to him that will make him think about what's going on here... ???
Nextlane Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Let him go and don't contact him anymore. He is keeping you as a back up if things don't work out.
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Don't make him think. The sooner he realizes he loses you, the more he will act as if he wants you - but only to keep leading you on. That is why it is preferable not to tell him you can't do this anymore, but simply start NC unilaterally. That would give you some extra time to break the spell he currently has over you. 1
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Ok so I won't tell him I'm cutting contact, I will just ignore his calls and texts from now on right?! And when do I stop ignoring them?! And what do I do about his belongings that I have at my house?!
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 firstly, you hold your head up high, tell him you are done with being messed around, and that your mum/dad/brother/friend will come round to get your stuff. and you do not reply to anything he sends UNLESS AND UNTIL it is: "i made a horrible mistake, you are my world, don't leave me." secondly, you carry on exactly as you are, feeling half excited and sick with nerves at seeing him and half depressed and miserable over the fear of him leaving. you get addicted to the drama of this rollercoaster and the thought of him meeting someone else, or that he might be with someone else when he is not with you - which he will say he is entitled to do - quite literally feels as if you are being gutted from the inside out, an inch at a time. that sick, dragging, restless painful feeling... god i know it so well. THEN he turns around to you and says that he's met someone else, byebye. which is it going to be?? i know which will make you feel better when you're 80...
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 So u think I should tell him that I want nothing more to do with him?! Rather than just cutting him out?! Others seem to think that way he will come up with a way to niggle himself back into my life?! His things are at my house, I have nothing at his
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 The decent thing would be to tell him in person and let him take his stuff from your home. I am not entirely surprised he has not. It is a way of keeping emotional control over you, while he goes out there and does whatever he wants, without any regard for you. However, at the moment you seem to be extremely attached to this guy. I really fear that he knows that, and will try and keep you on the back burner by giving you hope, through making meaningless promises. You are very vulnerable right now, and he may seek to exploit that. But you have to do it. I disagree with OWE's judgment hereand you do not reply to anything he sends UNLESS AND UNTIL it is: "i made a horrible mistake, you are my world, don't leave me." Your ex has seriously broken up with you, and given his behaviour it would be extremely hard, if not impossible to rebuild the trust to maintain a close and intimate relationship with him again. It really is dreadful to think about it that way. He has had his chance, and he thought he could do better than you. That is enough evidence that you can do better than him.
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 You see it's so difficult! What do you think I should do then? I'm going to cut him out my life for my own sake but whether or not I tell him Or just cut him out is the difficult part?! I need to show him think there's more to my life than him!
Svet74 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 My ex did the same thing to me too. I let it go on for about ten months. Stupid me. Finally I healed and let him go. It's been over 2 months of nc and he hasnt tried again. It's not even worth it girl. Don't chase the guy who doesn't want you. Chase the ones who want you. It's self respect.
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Thanks svet! I have realised I'm better without him! But it's wether or not I tell him I want him out of my life that's the tricky part!!
Svet74 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 It's better to just have him out of your life for a little while until you heal. Then in the future you guys might be able to get back in touch. But if you want any chance of getting him back cut him off. Let him miss you. He might realize what he lost and end up begging you back. In the mean time avoid him as much as possible you will feel better and have your control back
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 So do I tell him I want nothing more to do with him? Or just ignore him from now on?
Svet74 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I would tell him just so he is not surprised or anything. Just tell him you want to be left alone and so that he can respect your wishes
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 He hasn't bothered to get hold of me this evening! So I'm just going to leave it at that! In done wasting my energy on him!
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Keep up that resolve Ducklover. You'll get through this.
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Thankyou! I just hope I can stay strong! I need him out of my life!! I'm fed up of being his lap dog!! Any tips on stopping myself from contacting him??
d'Arthez Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 - Delete his phone number. You may have memorized it, but if you have to press the dials something will hopefully hold you back before you hit the dial button. - similar things apply to FB, and any other social media you may use. - surround yourself with people who care about you. Get all the real life support you can get. - do things that keep your mind away from him (hobbies, new interests).
Svet74 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Yeah what I did was delete my exes number. He doesn't have Facebook so I didn't have to worry about that and I also didn't attend church for a while. Now if I do see him ever we just avoid each other. He has respect for me now and I know he won't try to contact me unless he is serious. Since your ex didn't contact you keep it at that. And when he does just say sorry we can't talk anymore. I want to move on and I'm gonna start dating other people. That is what I said to my ex and he was shocked lol
Author Ducklover Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 I'm going to delete his number now even though I know it off by heart and I don't have him as a friend on fb! Doesnt look like he's going to contact me tonight which is a good start. Got a busy day tomorrow so I won't have time to think about him then. Just hope he keeps his distance and I can stay strong! Worried he's gunna contact me at some point!
Recommended Posts