Lionblue92 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 The ex and I that have been working on getting back together for the past two months are having major issues.. today was our second time seeing each other in person other than last Saturday. But we didnt spend much time together because I got an abrupt phone call from my sister about my grandma who is very sick. anyway, an overview is that were both about to be working/living in the same place in a different space for the next three months. We are not in a relationship, but were supposedly not talking to other people as well. I felt the main reason we were not going to make things official yet is because we were in our different colleges in different states and wanted to wait until we got back to MI to see how things were flowing. So today was only our second time seeing each other. On Saturday when we went out, it was our first time in like 4 months since the break up. It was nice, there was still chemistry and we had a good time. But i was driving him back to his house and i noticed he was texting...and it was about 2 am. So i thought to ask who he was texting. (cause i was thinking..this late? maybe his mom) And he told me he was texting a friend of his from college that I dont know. So i asked him his/her name and he tells me her name. I go, "oh..wow ur texting her pretty late..." (u could tell i was bothered) he just saud, "were in college, i mean thats what ppl do they talk at all hours its no big deal" ....so from then, I just let it go but was still bothered. I know that were from the same state and im not sure where she is from, I just know its not where we live. Last night he was supposed to call me, but his mom was helping him with his paper work for where we were about to work, so he let me know he would call me when he was done. TWO hours went by...so i text him at like 209 and say, are u on the phone? you havent called. (didnt think he ACTUALLY was..) He calls me at about 245 and he said he was playing the game and forgot. so we talked. So, today, I came over his place and I was only there for about 20 mins, before i picked up his phone out of his pocket and decided to look at it cause he'd gotten a new one. And of course i took the time to look at his calls and texts. He knew I was on his phone, but didnt know what I was doing, And he didnt bother to try and take it from me or ask what I was doing. As im looking i see he called that same girl that night at exactly 209. the time i text him.. that really was upsetting and confusing cause it clicked that he'd called me at 245 meaning he called her before hand. Then i went to their texts and by the way she has a nick name in his phone. Nothing like baby or boo, but just a nickname. Hes a big fan of giving girls nicknames but shes the only friend i know from there with his own nickname for her. Anyway, their texts involved him texting her asking how her mothers day was, and another one like "you want me to call you when you get home" ...that was the basis and their werent too many. I went to the bathroom for a minute to cool off and then I came out and I said, "I want you to be honest. Is that girl your on the phone with and texting the same girl u were texting when u were with me?" he said yea. I'm like, "Do you like her, at all, please be honest." He says, no i dont like her at all. shes just a friend. Im like, so why would u be calling her that late at night, and on top of that call her before me knowing u were going to call me. and he goes, I just forgot to call you. I say, but u remembered to call her. he goes, no..i just called her. and I go, you must have feelings for someone that you would call that late at night, on top of that call her before me. he goes, "i mean i dont like her, your going to believe what u want to blieve, i kep telling u i dont but ur not going to believe me" after that, I just got in my car and I left. and then he texts me saying, "I tolld you I dont like her...can i not have female friends??" He is someone who at one point in our past relationship would have known this was wrong to be doing, or how it looked and could be percieved as wrong. He didnt value female relationships until he got to college. But not it seems like his mind set has just changed all together. I need opinions on how to handle this situation?
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Well you seem to be skating by some pretty serious history here or what those issues actually are which is probably why you're so concerned with this situation. It seems to me that there is a level of broken trust here, possibly infidelity on his part or at least a reason to believe that he would be interested in someone else during your relationship, during a break or what not...which is honestly fairly typical. You seem to have a very low threshold of tolerance or patience with him, which is glaring throughout this whole post so I'm assuming he's done some serious things to infringe on the sanctity of your prior relationship. So is this one of those situations where he promises to be different and that he really wants to be with you and says he's going to do this and that only to come back into the situation and still find the same things going on and nothing changing? What exactly are you doing in the relationship to communicate about your issues or are you just wishing them to magically disappear? It doesn't seem like he's got a shot at even gaining any trust, he's on a short leash and you're watching his moves like a hawk. To make matters worse he's just not really getting it, clearly doesn't understand how you feel and really seems to be becoming emotionally withdrawn...you're punishing and condemning him for every little thing he does likely and he's just getting frustrated and feels like he's not even doing anything wrong. Bottom line is he is doing some very suspicious...which leads me to believe that he doesn't seem very invested in this relationship. You think by scolding him that you can turn this into the guy and the relationship you want but the motivation and care on his part seems to lack...he doesn't seem to have the empathy or interest in truly understanding how you feel and you've obviously not let go a lot of things. I wouldn't trust him very much at this point, he doesn't seem to be putting much effort into clearing the air and explaining who this person is...he just merely pushes it to the side and kind of turns a blind eye to it and just expects you to be OK with it even though you probably have a right to act this way with him as guys typically make a woman feels this way she doesn't typically just act like this on her own unless she has serious issues overriding from a previous relationship/traumatic experience. It doesn't seem like you guys are really "working" on anything, you're just kind of forcing this and seeing where it goes...I mean chemistry and emotions are good and all of that but it takes a lot more than that to have a successful and happy relationship, If I just went based on that I'm sure I would be in the wrong relationship myself. And that's basically my analysis of this, It seems like the trust is already broken...and that's hard as hell to gain back If not just about impossible (I've been a cheater myself) and I know the impact and unrepairable damage it can cause. It's time to move on, there are too many pent up emotions and issues with this relationship If I'm judging off the vibe of this relationship...It sounds like a ship that's ready to sink. If you want to fight it and prolong it and you're one of those millions of people that thing you've got to fight tooth and nail because you have a history and emotions for then go ahead and try some counseling, you also need to get out in the air exactly how you feel and why you feel the way you do...and he has to understand this and open that part of him to see where you are coming from and want to understand and handle this with care rather than avoidance...If you just attack him with mistrust then he's just going to feel like "Well If she doesn't trust me...I might as well screw around" even If he's already up to no good, he might be lying to himself so that he can feel like he's actually trying and investing the relationship when realistically he seems to not...It seems like you guys are conditioned to the fighting and destructiveness of this relationship, even If you wanted to I don't think you could forgive him, and I don't believe that he could ever do anything good enough. Just see a huge red destructive flag that just gets worse, maybe you're overreacting and being unreasonable and a crazy person...but from my experience you just seem like someone who's been very hurt and had her trust broken. Maybe I'm wrong, you know more about your situation than I do and I'm just going based off what you're saying and how you're painting the picture...but you'd know If I'm right IF I'm picking this up correctly. 2
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Well you seem to be skating by some pretty serious history here or what those issues actually are which is probably why you're so concerned with this situation. It seems to me that there is a level of broken trust here, possibly infidelity on his part or at least a reason to believe that he would be interested in someone else during your relationship, during a break or what not...which is honestly fairly typical. You seem to have a very low threshold of tolerance or patience with him, which is glaring throughout this whole post so I'm assuming he's done some serious things to infringe on the sanctity of your prior relationship. So is this one of those situations where he promises to be different and that he really wants to be with you and says he's going to do this and that only to come back into the situation and still find the same things going on and nothing changing? What exactly are you doing in the relationship to communicate about your issues or are you just wishing them to magically disappear? It doesn't seem like he's got a shot at even gaining any trust, he's on a short leash and you're watching his moves like a hawk. To make matters worse he's just not really getting it, clearly doesn't understand how you feel and really seems to be becoming emotionally withdrawn...you're punishing and condemning him for every little thing he does likely and he's just getting frustrated and feels like he's not even doing anything wrong. Bottom line is he is doing some very suspicious...which leads me to believe that he doesn't seem very invested in this relationship. You think by scolding him that you can turn this into the guy and the relationship you want but the motivation and care on his part seems to lack...he doesn't seem to have the empathy or interest in truly understanding how you feel and you've obviously not let go a lot of things. I wouldn't trust him very much at this point, he doesn't seem to be putting much effort into clearing the air and explaining who this person is...he just merely pushes it to the side and kind of turns a blind eye to it and just expects you to be OK with it even though you probably have a right to act this way with him as guys typically make a woman feels this way she doesn't typically just act like this on her own unless she has serious issues overriding from a previous relationship/traumatic experience. It doesn't seem like you guys are really "working" on anything, you're just kind of forcing this and seeing where it goes...I mean chemistry and emotions are good and all of that but it takes a lot more than that to have a successful and happy relationship, If I just went based on that I'm sure I would be in the wrong relationship myself. And that's basically my analysis of this, It seems like the trust is already broken...and that's hard as hell to gain back If not just about impossible (I've been a cheater myself) and I know the impact and unrepairable damage it can cause. It's time to move on, there are too many pent up emotions and issues with this relationship If I'm judging off the vibe of this relationship...It sounds like a ship that's ready to sink. If you want to fight it and prolong it and you're one of those millions of people that thing you've got to fight tooth and nail because you have a history and emotions for then go ahead and try some counseling, you also need to get out in the air exactly how you feel and why you feel the way you do...and he has to understand this and open that part of him to see where you are coming from and want to understand and handle this with care rather than avoidance...If you just attack him with mistrust then he's just going to feel like "Well If she doesn't trust me...I might as well screw around" even If he's already up to no good, he might be lying to himself so that he can feel like he's actually trying and investing the relationship when realistically he seems to not...It seems like you guys are conditioned to the fighting and destructiveness of this relationship, even If you wanted to I don't think you could forgive him, and I don't believe that he could ever do anything good enough. Just see a huge red destructive flag that just gets worse, maybe you're overreacting and being unreasonable and a crazy person...but from my experience you just seem like someone who's been very hurt and had her trust broken. Maybe I'm wrong, you know more about your situation than I do and I'm just going based off what you're saying and how you're painting the picture...but you'd know If I'm right IF I'm picking this up correctly. I feel like you hit the nail on the head with a lot of this... except, no the relationship didn't end because of infidelity. It ended because he began to take me for granted. In fact, trust, as never been an issue in our past relationship, and it isn't until the past few days that these actions and glaring signs have been thrown in my face. Before this, it seemed that he was invested into wanting this relationship to work and putting forth effort. He made it clear to me even last night that he hasn't been talking to anyone else. But it was an off hand comment that had nothing to do with what happened it was just something that came up. And we were only full NC for a month after the break up. After then he started to try and regain communication with me which eventually turned into us talking for the past 2 months. And we specifically asked each other if we dated other ppl and sex. Both of us said we hadn't done either, and I believed that because I have never had a reason not to trust him when it came to the opposite sex. Which is why this is so confusing. When I got home I text him saying "Im about to go through something harder than ever. Just know that. What I saw hurt. It added to the pain im about to go through. My sister called me crying when I was with you. Its really bad." (my grandmother who'm im very close to is dying of cancer..he knows this. her and I are really close) he replies "____ the last thing I want to do is hurt you. Especially right now. I need you to forget about me for right now. We can handle this situation another time. I'll be here. But your family needs you right now. And they need you to be strong in this situation. Whatever it is. ok?" that was it
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 This seems like a lot of drama for very little...there are a lot of holes in this story, things don't quite add up and don't make sense not because the reason is there but because this is coming from your perspective only and I can tell you're not seeing the bigger picture here which is why you're confused. Without any real specifics It's not going to be clear about what exactly the issues/problems are but in general the bottom line still stands clear with what you're saying. Honestly you might not even care about the real reasons of why or what not, you just want him to invest and care more...that's what's important to you. Instead of wanting to support you and be there for you he'd just rather not make the emotionally investment and move along, the effort/desire just doesn't seem there. Beating your head against the wall trying to make this work definitely seems like a waste of time. I think you were testing the waters with him telling the situation with your grandmother, in just the way you said it and the way you put it to him, you wanted him to care and you wanted to try to emotionally pull him deeper into this relationships but he's just confirming that he doesn't want to invest that much. I'm not taking away how you feel for your grandmother and what you're going through, I don't know how close or not you were with her. If you keep pushing this on him and he doesn't really want a part of this then you're just kind of fooling and manipulating yourself and in that respect you're going to start looking like the crazy person as he calmly and nonchalantly pushes you away. If a guy tells you that "he doesn't want to hurt you"...then there's reason for him to believe that he's going to...so he already knows something, he's just not telling you..you can go crazy on him and try to get the answer, but in his eyes you might look like a crazy person as it is and in that case he's not going to tell you anything...he's looking for a way out without creating a crap storm...he wants this to end peacefully and with as little drama as possible. I wouldn't trust him, he's dropping the ball a lot. I'm not really sure why you two are are continuing this relationship together, he doesn't seem to want to be invested in it and you seem to want more than he's willing to give and just seems like a matter of time and there doesn't seem to be any foundation, just some emotions and "good times" that you're falling back on thinking that will fix everything...IF you think about this relationship, It probably looks really immature, back and forth and just overall childish...nobody is really acting like a grown-up here, just seems like you're playing games and really not tackling the important issues at all. 3
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 This seems like a lot of drama for very little...there are a lot of holes in this story, things don't quite add up and don't make sense not because the reason is there but because this is coming from your perspective only and I can tell you're not seeing the bigger picture here which is why you're confused. Without any real specifics It's not going to be clear about what exactly the issues/problems are but in general the bottom line still stands clear with what you're saying. Honestly you might not even care about the real reasons of why or what not, you just want him to invest and care more...that's what's important to you. Instead of wanting to support you and be there for you he'd just rather not make the emotionally investment and move along, the effort/desire just doesn't seem there. Beating your head against the wall trying to make this work definitely seems like a waste of time. I think you were testing the waters with him telling the situation with your grandmother, in just the way you said it and the way you put it to him, you wanted him to care and you wanted to try to emotionally pull him deeper into this relationships but he's just confirming that he doesn't want to invest that much. I'm not taking away how you feel for your grandmother and what you're going through, I don't know how close or not you were with her. If you keep pushing this on him and he doesn't really want a part of this then you're just kind of fooling and manipulating yourself and in that respect you're going to start looking like the crazy person as he calmly and nonchalantly pushes you away. If a guy tells you that "he doesn't want to hurt you"...then there's reason for him to believe that he's going to...so he already knows something, he's just not telling you..you can go crazy on him and try to get the answer, but in his eyes you might look like a crazy person as it is and in that case he's not going to tell you anything...he's looking for a way out without creating a crap storm...he wants this to end peacefully and with as little drama as possible. I wouldn't trust him, he's dropping the ball a lot. I'm not really sure why you two are are continuing this relationship together, he doesn't seem to want to be invested in it and you seem to want more than he's willing to give and just seems like a matter of time and there doesn't seem to be any foundation, just some emotions and "good times" that you're falling back on thinking that will fix everything...IF you think about this relationship, It probably looks really immature, back and forth and just overall childish...nobody is really acting like a grown-up here, just seems like you're playing games and really not tackling the important issues at all. Well he knew for a few days what was going on with my grandmother so we had already been having conversations about it. But since my sister called me while I was with him, and I was already mad at him for the phone calls and texts, I was focusing more on those than the reason my sister called and why I had to leave. I text him that so he knew exactly what was going on with me leaving any why since I had not been clear. And at the same time i was still upset. Did his response really come off to you as indifferent about what him and I were dealing with? I didnt know how to take what he said back. I thought he just knew I needed to be there for them so he was saying we will discuss it later. and that the "i dont want to hurt you" was because I told him "what i saw hurt"...(the txts/phone calls) were TRYING (not official) to work on a relationship because he felt the relationship ended prematurely and still has strong feelings for me, and because he didnt want to be with anyone else. My reasons are because I still hold strong feelings....but overtime during the break up I did realize that there are a lot of things about him that arent enough for me in a relationship..but i was trying to override those and just focus on us. We had so many conversations about the break up and what happened, why it happened and what would change...i thought we were on the same page. And it wasnt until this all happened in the past few days that I feel differently. Its eating at me not knowing what to think, or whats going on. I have never had to worry about another girl. And hes the type of guy where if hes interested in a relationship with me, he shows it and says it. So why is this happening now.... Whats his point in trying to be with me if all this is going on. The last text i sent him was like an hour lateer that said "no, im getting hurt already. the writing on the wall is too clear" but he didnt say anything to that.
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 And you said maybe I'm being unreasonable and overreacting possibly... but after what he's been doing can you really see this Aw just being someone he does bot have feelings for? Or do you think it does sound suspicious, giving me the right to react? I would love to believe that he doesn't like her. And that his actions towards her are simply stemmed from Nothing. But my gut tells me otherwise. And with my gut I'm usually right. But Why can't he be honest and tell me whats really going on. Why try and workand possibly develop a relationship with me if there are possible feelings elsewhere.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I didn't have to read your entire post to know this. An ex is an ex for a reason. His "trying" only results in more problems and hurt for you. From what you say, you aren't happy and it's not working out. Seems to me you want this more than he does.
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Today he text me saying "how is your grandmother?" I hadnt replied for hours until i eventually texted back how bad it was. his next response was that he is still praying for her recovery and asked if i was staying there. I didnt respond and dont plan to. Before he text me i deleted him off of my facebook basically so I could show him he was out of my life. But now I regret that I gave him any acknoweledgment back at all. even though it was just to say where she is in terms of her sickness. What do you think about that?
spiderowl Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 he replies "____ the last thing I want to do is hurt you. Especially right now. I need you to forget about me for right now. We can handle this situation another time. I'll be here. But your family needs you right now. And they need you to be strong in this situation. Whatever it is. ok?" It's not entirely clear why he's 'trying' as it sounds to me like he's really not. Perhaps he got lonely and thought it would be a good idea, but you obviously split up for a reason and trying again is difficult. I agree with a previous poster about him saying he doesn't want to hurt you. It immediately made me think that he was about to. He says "I need you to forget about me for right now." He's not saying "You need to". He wants you to back off, forget about him and spend time with your family. He ends it with "OK?" He's asking you to agree with him that you should forget about him. He wants your agreement to a separation for a period of time. I think your suspicions are right and that he wants to explore how things might go with the girl he's been texting whilst supposedly trying with you. Everything about what he says suggests he's distracted and wants a gap time and wants you to agree to it. In other words, he wants to keep his options open but spend time with the other girl. I don't get the feeling it's worth you trying in this situation. Really sorry as it can't be easy for you after he'd given you false hope.
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Yea...when he said that he wanted me to forget about him for right now I thought he was just literally meaning that particular night. Because he knew o was leaving his house to go handle it. So I didn't internet that as "for a period of time" are u sure? and the girl is actually one that goes to his college so shes not living in the same place as him this summer. But I am. So he wouldn't see her until he got back to his school. And i am upset because he was pursuing a possivle relationship with me and he wanted us to travel to Chicago with his friends from college. He called almost every night while away at college and he wasnt hiding from anyone that we were working things out....so I'm like thinking when did this even start. He was never distant. Help me understand all of that...
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 And you said maybe I'm being unreasonable and overreacting possibly... but after what he's been doing can you really see this Aw just being someone he does bot have feelings for? Or do you think it does sound suspicious, giving me the right to react? I would love to believe that he doesn't like her. And that his actions towards her are simply stemmed from Nothing. But my gut tells me otherwise. And with my gut I'm usually right. But Why can't he be honest and tell me whats really going on. Why try and workand possibly develop a relationship with me if there are possible feelings elsewhere. I was saying that as a way of saying "If this isn't the scenario..which I'm pretty sure If then the other minor possibility would be that you're overreacting and unreasonable...If you were a crazy person" But it's not something I really believed all that much which Is why I didn't invest really any of my post with that into consideration...that was just really the only other reason I could imagine. Everything you're doing is right...the way you feel, the way you're notice his change in attitude and his indifference, you've got it all down and your gut is already telling you what is really happening...It's really just a matter of you trusting yourself and letting your emotions, intuition and mind all come into line...and which I'm sure It will at some point, but right now you're still spinning around a little bit from the emotions you have invested for this...which is why you're not seeing clearly right now, but you're getting there. He doesn't want to admit to you the truth because he fears your wrath, plus he figures by lying to you he is "saving" you from the pain of the truth, rather than telling you the truth so you can move on...he wants you to move on without having to know the truth...that's how most men operate, they're afraid and pretty cowardly, and often times can't even admit the truth to themselves or avoid thinking about it as much as possible so they don't have to face it...It's like a trial you never want to attend when because you know you're guilty and there's nothing you can say or do...you don't want to be crucified for it. He basically doesn't know how to handle the situation, most men do not. So he just kind of just does what he's doing, he's just trying to wait it out...why exactly did he do everything? that's only something he'll know and understand, but you shouldn't need to know that information in order to move on, you should be able to walk away If you know it isn't right...waiting to find all the answers and details isn't going to change anything and It's just going to put salt on the wound...you don't want to know why because you care about the reasons, you just want to know why because you feel hurt but you're not looking for a real answer, you're looking for him to change and that's not going to happen, you can't make a man change...If he doesn't want to put in the effort then you read the writing on the wall, you don't wait for it to be completely spelled out...look at the women around you in destructive relationships with men, they never know the entire truth and reasons, the guy gives them some BS half-truth and tries to say something isn't that is even though the woman sees right through it...so who's fault is it after a point? If she knows he's lying and somethings wrong, then why does she need to wait for it to smack her in the face in order to walk away? Hope can be a terrible punishment on ones self. "And i am upset because he was pursuing a possivle relationship with me and he wanted us to travel to Chicago with his friends from college. He called almost every night while away at college and he wasnt hiding from anyone that we were working things out....so I'm like thinking when did this even start. He was never distant. Help me understand all of that..." Whenever you see a man suddenly change in attitude and posture...that means something is going on at that point. All of that is wishy washy because men always make promises they don't keep, so I don't give any thought to the trip to the Chicago personally because I know how men are, they say a lot of things without even thinking most of the time. Him calling every night did show interest, but what was he doing the rest of the time? Making the kinks were still being worked out with someone new at the time, maybe nothing compelling had happened yet...maybe he was home sick and thought of you often because he was lonely..there are so many reasons that could be...It really doesn't matter right now though, it doesn't matter what he did and said yesterday, It's what he's doing right now. Maybe things heated up with this new girl....maybe she became jealous, maybe they hooked up and now he got himself caught in a triangle...what is it that you want to hear? Nobody here knows exactly why, but regardless the result is the same, and that's what you have to focus on, you just confuse yourself by looking backwards...hell, you've got roll with the punches and stay in the present with relationships, because nothing in the past is going to fix this or answer your questions, you're never likely going to get that unless he does a miracle move and comes completely clean to what's going on...fact of the matter is that it's important enough to hide it from you, whatever it is...and it's worth losing and letting you go over...that's all you need to care about right now, none of that hysteria panic emotional crisis and self-pity is going to help you move forward...I know It's Fk'd up, but you've got to care more about yourself than anyone else.
g450 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 From what I gather, your suspicions are valid. So why play all those games with him. Let him be and move on. My take is also that he is not that in to you so fine a guy who is. 1
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I agree with almost everything. Well today I processed in to the amusement park I am working at this summer. He processes in tmrw. Earlier today he text me to ask "so how is it?" And of course I didn't respond. Then later he texts "ok....I think We shoyld talk when you have free time. Or when you feel comfortable" I didnt respond tho. I'm probably going to see him tmrw and I'm not sure how to act or what to do. How should i handle him? And also what do u think. Was his motivation behind what he said in that text?
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 Can anyone help me with the above post..? ^^
spiderowl Posted May 19, 2012 Posted May 19, 2012 It shows he wants to maintain some kind of relationship and that he is aware that you are upset about your grandmother. He also knows you are not reacting to him as you normally do. I'm sure it will all make him think but it depends whether he is still distracted or not. It seems like he was before. Why are you going to see him? It seems a bit pointless ignoring texts from him and then going to see him, unless you meant you would be bumping into him a the workplace. If he asks to talk, why can't you say to him that something seems to have changed on his part and he seems distracted and not as involved as before. You don't need to say you'll stay with him or otherwise, just listen to him. He might try to reassure you because he isn't going to want to lose a secure relationship for what might end up as just a fling. Only you can assess how much interest he has in someone else though. Trust your instincts.
Author Lionblue92 Posted May 19, 2012 Author Posted May 19, 2012 No I meant if I run into him. And to be honest now that I really think about it, he was never really distant I would say. The most distant thing I got from him was when he called her before me. Which to spoke loudly enough. However overall he seemed interested the same. Today he tried to get in touch with me again. Heres how are texts went.. Him- if u don't want to talk to me anymore. That's cool. Just let me know so I know that's the reason your not answering my texts. I'm just Wondering whats going on with you.. Me-Why would you wonder Why I am not taljing to you. You never addressed the situation that got us here in the first place. You have been avoiding it. So until then what reason do we have to talk? Him-to talk about it. How can i talk to you about it if u don't answer me. I asked you if u wanted to talk yesterday and you didn't answer. I have no idea what to think when u don't tell me anything. Me-are u even here Him-im on my way. So are We going to talk bout this soon. All i want to do is talk. Then you never have to talk to me again. Me- your so cool about us not talking again. Him- of course I'm not! I want to talk so that can atleast be friends. You know I hate ending things on a hateful note. Me- Honestly, you didn't even need to be trying to talk to me so that We could be cool but rather so that We could work things out between us and only us. But u weren't honest and then didn't even try you just let it go. Him- I didn't let it go. It just took me forever to get hold of you. I figured since you took me off facebook and was ignoring me you didn't want to work things out.. Me- I didn't because u weren't honest with me and because you never tried to clear anything up with me about whats been going on. And really, all u have been doing is asking about Where were working and my grandmother. And you said yourself u wanted me to focus on her and not you. Him- well I thought u were ignoring me because u had everything else to deal with. But now I see u were ignoring me because of me. I most definitely wasn't avoiding it. I been thinkin about it a lot. I've wanted to talk to you about it since u came over I've just been patient until now. And theres a bit more to it but in conclusion were meeting face to face tonight so we can talk. Opinions on our conversation?
spiderowl Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I can't see anything that suggests he wants you two to get back together so much as he wants to maintain a friends relationship with you. But, I could be totally wrong and he could want that. He said he doesn't like to end things on a bad note. That doesn't sound like a get-together to make up chat to me. Sorry, but I'm cynical and suspicious myself so you might want to check out other opinions before taking what I say to heart. I hope it works out so you're happy.
tracyrain Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 LionBlue - Let me start off by saying, you handled this situation all wrong. First off, you should NOT under any circumstances be going through someone else's belongings no matter how justified you feel. He is a grown man and as the old adage goes if you go looking for something you are surely going to find it. And why question him about something that you already suspect (and he is right you didn't believe him anyway) and something you should not have even known because you were going through his phone without permission. Men don't like that. Men don't like drama and you are causing unnecessary drama. Furthermore, you already know that he is going to date other women. He is in college. You should be dating other men. It is not as if you too are in an exclusive relationship. If you can not handle being his friend then maybe you should back away from the relationship. My best advice, leave your ex in the past. If you still want to be his friend, then accept that he is going to have female friends and even date a few of them. If you can't accept this, move on. Stop stressing yourself about things you can not control and focus on things you can like, yourself.
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