"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

[Ginger Beer]

Is there anyone on here who has read this?

 

I am reading it now and thought I'd ask. What did you think? Did it help you at all? I'd be grateful to hear from anyone who has and can discuss it with me.

 

I am trying to improve my people skills and I'm a very critical person which makes me an a-hole if I'm honest.

[Radu]

Yeah, i used to be way more critical 1yr ago when i read it.

It's an awesome book, that you need to read every month to have it truly affect the way you think.

There are also meetings where you can talk with others.

 

Recently i got into NLP, and i found many elements of it inside of it.

Dale was a ****ing genius.

 

I think it doesn't matter how socially adept you are, or what your job is ... that book is gold.

[Ginger Beer]

Wow thanks man.

 

Did it take you long to understand it?

 

I've read the first two chapters and they can be quite tedious, they are good obviously but he's very thorough, explaining the crux of each chapter a few times over with separate stories.

 

The main thing I got from the first two chapters was:

 

- Criticism only creates resentment (don't criticise, complain, moan etc)

- People want to feel important, give people sincere praise

 

Does this make sense to you?

[Radu]

Wow thanks man.

 

Did it take you long to understand it?

 

I've read the first two chapters and they can be quite tedious, they are good obviously but he's very thorough, explaining the crux of each chapter a few times over with separate stories.

 

The main thing I got from the first two chapters was:

 

- Criticism only creates resentment (don't criticise, complain, moan etc)

- People want to feel important, give people sincere praise

 

Does this make sense to you?

 

 

I don't remember the exact order of the chapters, but i remember these ones.

 

The first one is fantastic.

I'm still struggling to adapt this to my daily life, but i i have improved on this with added explanations for the positions i take and i have noticed the nr of 'arguments' going down quite fast.

I have also noticed that it has helped me immensely to empathise with other ppl because i now try to see the other person's viewpoint without letting their viewpoint get imposed on me.

Ppl walk around with their own version of reality. You really cannot force a change in someone's reality by force as they will fight you on it, but with disarming sweetness and kindness [] ... remember the sock example and the bank robber example.

I think ppl have a survival instinct for their ego as well.

 

2nd one was really hard for me.

I tended to get bored quite often when other ppl started yammering. I'm sure they were speaking of fantastic things in their minds, but the horrible reality for me was that i was falling asleep, and would often interrupt them with verbal force.

After reading about this one and some stuff on body language i started actually noticing when ppl were offended when i acted this way. This was obviously contrary to my desired outcome as i don't want to piss off that person.

I tried to stop my body language from showing i was bored, and with men it worked a bit but women caught on this something fierce.

So the next thing was to find the internal motivation i needed to actually 'be interested' in them yammering around.

It was hard at first, i started doing the body language gestures that mean honesty in front of a mirror, then in front of ppl. I started talking with my hands a lot.

After that, it became easier for my internal state to follow my body language into this.

I still can't do it properly though, if it's someone i don't know ... i will be able to show interest and ask follow up questions, get them to talk about their lives which makes for incredible rapport but if it's someone who's stories i heard ... i can't do it yet with them.

 

Wait till you get to the 'yes' room, that's a huge one for ppl in sales.