eles83 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 Well, yesterday I posted how I had crashed and burned in agony and pain, so I thought I would try to give the other side of the coin on what has been a stronger day, if not a better one. The bad: I'm still in pain. So, so much pain. It feels like a pressure in my chest and it makes me deliriously sad, and okay, so there's not much eating or sleeping yet. I still feel like I am dying from the inside out, and I still wish he would call and tell me... I'm sorry. Or even, let's talk about this. OR SOMETHING. But, okay, accepting that that pain is just going to be a constant now, I at least made several achievements. 1. No contact! He sent me a message, asking how I was doing and kind of explaining his day, like the kind of thing we used to do when we were a We. Yes, I still had that dumb, stupid grin that betrayed every part of me, but I didn't say anything. I thought instead of how he'd hurt me, and I talked to people and the moment of elation passed away with me maintaining my dignity. 2. I didn't cry at work. In fairness, I cried a lot last night and in the early hours of this morning. I cried until my head hurt and it felt like I'd bruised my ribs. But I put my make-up on this morning and although I teared up a few times, there were no sobs, no long trails of tears. There will be tonight, I can feel them already. But that was nine solid hours of strength. And that's something, right? 3. I looked nice today in general. Like, there were tights and a skirt and a shiny blouse and I looked nice and most importantly, I felt a little better about myself, a little more attractive than I have felt in a long time. 4. I made an honest-to-God effort to not wallow. I reminded myself that he wasn't wallowing. This part was not easy and it wasn't a complete victory, but there were a few times when I felt myself start to become overwhelmed by everything and I tried very hard to put it out of my head (I cheated a little bit - I told myself, he could still come back tomorrow, so just give yourself this one day to relax... maybe that was a lie, but it helped). Bonus: this wasn't really an achievement, but I pampered myself a couple days ago by purchasing a Clarisonic Mia and it arrived today and I washed my face and it was awesome. Anyways. I'm going to go now and pull away this layer of victory and collapse into a mess again and I will probably end up holding the pillow and pretending it is him and compose a thousand letters to him in my head that he won't care to read. I'm gonna listen to Bruno Mars and cry. But for nine hours... I was almost ok. (And thanks to those who talked me through the day, you are great!) What are some of your achievements today?!
Mr Scorpio Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 What are some of your achievements today?! Worked on my meditation and studying cognitive-behavioral therapy, two of the tools to overcome a negative outlook. 1
stlangie Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 See! You ARE getting stronger! Glad you received your impulse purchase, too. Mine should be delivered on Friday. Ha. Coping is such a rollercoaster, isn't it? I'm currently in a positive mood, but I know that could change any minute. You/we just have to remember that it will pass, as it always does, and that it's normal to be on this emotional rollercoaster right now - it's what makes us human! I guess without the lows, we wouldn't appreciate the highs as much. Glad to hear you're improving. Keep your head up! And no more Bruno Mars!
stlangie Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 One more thought. Somehow this afternoon I found myself reading some old posts on LS. I guess it was just part of my daily quest for answers. Anyway, I came across this old post from a user on here, and it completely changed my outlook for the better today. It's long, but give it a shot if you're feeling low. Kinda makes you think... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/286698-perfect-partners-easy-relationships
Author eles83 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 Coping is such a rollercoaster, isn't it? I'm currently in a positive mood, but I know that could change any minute. You/we just have to remember that it will pass, as it always does, and that it's normal to be on this emotional rollercoaster right now - it's what makes us human! I guess without the lows, we wouldn't appreciate the highs as much. It's a ride I wanna get off of! LOL. This is a terrible amusement park we are visiting. I thought I was headed to Disneyland. Ugh. LOL. I'm not quite convinced I will experience the highs again, but yeah... it does change and sometimes we have it in us to be positive. I think sometimes even saying we are feeling positive makes it a little true... Thanks for the link, I will definitely read it.
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